To try to prevent the Christmas crap landslide now?

[mintyfreshh]

My DCs are small and currently the only grandchildren on both sides. Their grandparents go big at Christmas, think three or four 4ft high bulging sacks of toys, each!

Last year I asked very politely for fewer toys, as we simply do not have the space. Also my children felt completely overwhelmed and bored of opening them. I think I worded it like 'Please don't feel you need to buy lots of things for the DCs, we are happy with one or two things'

I would much much rather they had one or two gifts that had some thought put into them eg math puzzles for my autistic DS instead of hundreds of character toys and games that he is not interested in at all.

Last year I regifted/gave to charity over half the toys within the first month of opening them. Some are never opened.

I'm trying to prevent this waste occurring again but trying to find a way to word it effectively and politely. I am aware that my kids are lucky to get anything at all and we are always very grateful for the things they get, sending thank you cards etc.

Any ideas AIBU? Has anyone managed this successfully?

Oh yes this is a problem .

My home is fairly small and I have now managed to get it so that I request what my DM buys which is very helpful :) However dp has no family so my mum is the only one who would potentially buy huge amounts - it will be more difficult with both sides of the family to deal with.

I remember I was just taking conversationally with my mum a couple months before Christmas and was saying how I can't deal with piles of presents this year as they have so much already!

So my advice is to set the premise early. Distance from the date shows you're thinking about the bigger picture and if you have any difficult relatives that should help. As in, you don't want to leave it until people are having conversations about the amazing things they're planning on buying and then being like, "Oh actually we don't want many presents this year". It's gentler to establish those boundaries beforehand :)

YANBU. My BIL buys crap things to fill up my kids bags. Pocket diaries, football annuals, sweets, PJs, socks etc. He gives them £30 each which is more than adequate.

Im sick and tired of it. Thing is my eldest is 18 - a d doesn’t need PJs from her uncle 😡

Tired of telling him each Christmas for the past 5 yrs. so i put the crap in a bag o Christmas morning and it goes to the charity shop once it opens

How difficult is it to bloody listen 😡

Yes. We brought in a "no more than 2 presents" rule for relatives after a deluge one Christmas. I think we were considered quite harsh though.

Get them to sign up to a children's charity Xmas appeal. Tell them firmly this is what you want to happen this year. Give them a definite budget for your dc.
Look them in the eye and say gifts over the budget wil be passed on to the needy.
In which there will be plenty this year I imagine..

Meh.

My DM is the same. Buying her dgcs lots of presents makes her happy. I cant imagine being so rude as to ask her to stop. The amount of stuff is obvs overwhelming, but it's hardly as hassle to do a charity shop run in January. Accepting the gifts graciously and in the spirit they are given is a kindness I would never deny my mum and anything else would be a terrible example to set to my kids.

I also instituted a 1 gift per a child. If they brought anything else it went into the trash.

My grandparents always used to bring two presents - which would be a toy and something exciting and chocolatey - but would also put £50 for each of us into our bank accounts. This was the same on birthdays and at Christmas. It helped a lot, as both my brother and I had a few grand (money from other relatives, too) for when we started university, which changed our experience a lot in comparison to our friends who started with nothing.

Kids don't need LOADS of gifts. If they can have just one or two things that they really, really love, they will be over the moon.

We are lucky that the grandparents almost always ask for suggestions. In the early years I offered ideas at various price points, But now that I am confident in their budget, I typically suggest one really nice thing. They get to see a huge reaction from her which is what they want and we don’t end up with a million toys.

@Timshortforthalia

Meh.

My DM is the same. Buying her dgcs lots of presents makes her happy. I cant imagine being so rude as to ask her to stop. The amount of stuff is obvs overwhelming, but it's hardly as hassle to do a charity shop run in January. Accepting the gifts graciously and in the spirit they are given is a kindness I would never deny my mum and anything else would be a terrible example to set to my kids.

But it's not kind to the children or to the planet. As others have noted, it's overwhelming for children to have this much stuff foisted on them.

And then they, the children, have to feel guilty about getting rid of presents that they didn't want, need or ask for.

It's not hard to buy one or two thoughtful presents and that's a much better example to set children instead of wanton overconsumption.

Maybe suggest one really nice thing and the rest are age appropriate experiences? Tea with grandma? Trip to zoo with grandma? Etc. They get to spend time together, lots of free babysitting and less crap in the house

Last year I regifted/gave to charity over half the toys within the first month of opening them. Some are never opened.
Tell the GPs that.

The best way to tackle this is to leave all the excess gifts at their house!

And I don't personally think it comes from a place of generosity, it's all about the giver. No one wants mountains of toys in their house.

Say that the presents will stay at the grandparents once opened, to be played with when you visit. Once they realise they have to house the tat then it might make them stop!

Is there something bigger or more expensive that your dc would really like, and your relatives could contribute to, @mintyfreshh?

I’m not a grandparent yet, but I’d rather give something g the children really want, or contribute to something special, than just give loads of stuff.

The charity shops round here are still overwhelmed and not accepting donations after all the lockdown throwing out. Can we be sure they will even be open after Christmas?

I handled this badly last year and it wound up with my MIL crying 😢. Lesson learned, although she has listened to some extent and the knock on effect is less waste, less consumption, less stress and ultimately happier kids.

Agree that a day out to the zoo/theme park or a weekend at the seaside (with the GP) would be nicer gifts for everyone.
Or the money into their accounts and 1 small thoughtful gift from each GP.

Or if you really can't change them....ask the GPS to keep the rap at their house. Although personally if they didn't get the message I would just sell the gifts on eBay after Christmas and treat the kids to a lovely day out without the GPS.

My DS's Grandparents both do this. I've started taking the presents back to their houses to be played with when we visit. I have imposed a no chocolate/sweets rule this year too, as we still have chocolate left over from last Christmas and Easter... i doubt i'll be listened to though

Use the Autism.

Say your DS was totally overwhelmed.
Ask for 2 gifts only and give a theme.
Say if they want to do 'more' to set up a savings account.

Would she be open to the idea of buying them one or two things, but then something like annual passes to your soft play / zoo, or theatre tickets, a magazine subscription, sponsor an animal that they get regular updates on? I had this problem too - its got a bit better as the kids have got older and now ex and I are split I insist a lot of it is kept at his place as it comes from his parents mostly,

Mil goes mad. His first Christmas she went mad, bought even more than us and every year has been mad and don't gwt me started on birthdays. We asked for something sensible and she bought that... Then so much more. Ive given up trying to say anything asthe last visit wasn't a complete success and i ended up feeling like the bad guy

Is there anything big that they want eg a new games console, bikes or a trampoline? Something that they could all contribute to? They still get the ‘glory’ of a wow present but none of the tat and as they will have put quite a bit of money towards it won’t be inclined to spend more

I now give money to each of my children and their families, I'm on a pension, so I can't afford much, but I save all year to give £10 per person (I have 14 grandchildren) My youngest daughter spends theirs on an annual season ticket to a local attraction, such as a city farm or butterfly farm. My son has used his for days out to the seaside. My eldest son and daughter choose to forgo their own shares and give the money to their young adult children. This has made life so much easier for me. They all have plenty of presents to open anyway, and have said how much they all appreciate the money instead of more toys and stuff they don't need.

As a grandparent, I have to say it gives me so much pleasure to get my DGS's gifts. However, we consult with the parents, and my lovely DIL is excellent at sending me links of the exact things they have asked for, so no guessing and no replication of gifts.

We also have bought all of the large spendy gifts, ie loft bed, bunk beds and new bedding, so we get to give things that may be more expensive than they could buy, but also practical. Also instruments and bikes - that feels like a good use of our money, and they know they are from us, but also will be well used.

Tat - It breaks my heart to think of adding more tat to their tiny apartment!

When did it become the norm to buy more than one gift? I don't remember getting 4ft high bags stuffed with gifts from anybody as a child, nor have my own children ever received such a thing.
Thank God.