To try to prevent the Christmas crap landslide now?

[mintyfreshh]

My DCs are small and currently the only grandchildren on both sides. Their grandparents go big at Christmas, think three or four 4ft high bulging sacks of toys, each!

Last year I asked very politely for fewer toys, as we simply do not have the space. Also my children felt completely overwhelmed and bored of opening them. I think I worded it like 'Please don't feel you need to buy lots of things for the DCs, we are happy with one or two things'

I would much much rather they had one or two gifts that had some thought put into them eg math puzzles for my autistic DS instead of hundreds of character toys and games that he is not interested in at all.

Last year I regifted/gave to charity over half the toys within the first month of opening them. Some are never opened.

I'm trying to prevent this waste occurring again but trying to find a way to word it effectively and politely. I am aware that my kids are lucky to get anything at all and we are always very grateful for the things they get, sending thank you cards etc.

Any ideas AIBU? Has anyone managed this successfully?

Some really positive ideas on here, especially like the 'experiences' as photos can be taken, shared revisited building these to be of value to the grandparent too.

We always pick a theme...something decent and quite expensive...so DC's collecting brio or Lego or at one time an ELC range. Brio especially is small and expensive! So not much of it, not much space and grandparents didn't want to buy loads of it..but DC's ended up with something decent and not random tat.

Definitely ask for one small gift and the rest for college, uni, driving lesson, travel fund. It builds up over the years and older teens appreciate it.

My MIL and FIL are great gift givers... I asked for less for a couple of years, then I simply left the big stuff at their house for when the children visited... that seemed to work.

I think that you seriously have to tell the people who go way overboard buying all this stuff for small children, not to do it, and mean it. This buying frenzy happens a lot, and people just think that all children need all these things, and that everyone will be happy happy forever more with so much stuff., and if some of it is tatt stuff, it gets broken, discarded quickly, thrown away,or litters up your house.

People generally don't like being told about what they should buy, as they like spending big at Christmas, it makes them happy, so they don't think about the piles of stuff filling up some peoples homes.

I made a stand about this years ago when I had small children, and actually people were quite relieved that they wouldn't have to waste money, and moreso. that they wouldn't have to troop around shops etc, trying to think what to buy in the mayhem of Christmas shopping.

Some gps I know paid for their dgc to attend a dance school for a year... They were over the moon!
As were the dps!!

My only suggestion is to go small and expensive if they won't listen. My parents and in laws are the same, so I suggest Sylvanian families. My daughter isn't into them that much, but they all fit nicely into a drawer and the expense means that they can't get too carried away. Avoid the houses/shops etc though. Also ask for a small gift and money to go into an account to pay for a bike/driving lessons/car when they are older. Books and Lego are also great for the same reason that they pack away small. Also you could ask for a small gift and zoo membership or something similar. Or something that they can play with in the garden.

I will deffo ask my dad for zoo passes, that's a fab idea and we have them every year so it would be nice not to pay that ourselves this time. But his partner will still send enormous bags of stuff. And I don't know if I am brave enough to say 'Can you just... not?'

I had similar with my MiL in the past (though not as much it sounds!) We bought duplicates at one point so it let us come to the arrangement that I provide a list of things the children want. now I divvy up their xmas list which is better for me too! I always pop on things like pjs/a top and 1 more expensive main toy with 1 or 2 small tokens like a bath set or felt tips/writing book. If she buys more she risks buying the same as me, as I worded it.
My parents have so many grandchildren that they are also appreciative when I send a list. I sent it earlier; a new blanket and bed cushion for each of them. A lot more use than yet more toys that are barely looked at.

We had this with PIL and SIL. We said one gift only please but turned it round to their advantage. We (DH actually, not my circus and all that)pointed out that one present means they can see DC open it and be excited and enjoy it. Anything more than that and they can see it gets ignored on the day so they get no pleasure from seeing it opened etc.

What age are the kids now?

Above 7 you could reasonably say that they’re less interested in toys now and are more keen on clothes/ techy stuff/ Xbox or playstation. Even if it’s a lie, it won’t be in another few years!

I do like the idea of a request for a contribution towards something big though. The Lego Hogwarts or Disney Castle would be a good family activity that costs £££, looks great in a few photos and then can be put away neatly in a box or Ebayed

It isn’t rude to ask someone to stop giving you what will effectively be treated as rubbish and discarded ASAP. It’s rude of them to imagine it’s ok to fill your house unthinkingly with stuff you don’t want. My mum did this to me for years, cheap plastic jewellery, horrific carved wooden ornaments, I asked her to stop by telling her I have very specific taste (true).

Maybe you can do this, OP? Tell the giver that all the dc wants is one specific item and that they won’t use/play with anything else.

I'm dreading this.I feel so guilty for being ungrateful, but the amount of money they spend genuinely stresses me out.

Leaving the stuff at their house is maybe the only way to make them actually understand that it's a problem rather than an unalloyed kindness.

We had the same issue but it was more a case of they had a budget and were determined to spend it all when spending some and putting the rest in the bank would have been better.

They wouldn't consider putting money in the bank for them though so I worked out what the budget was roughly and found something the DC would want (and I didn't object to) around that price and suggested it.

It kept everyone reasonably happy.

We can't leave toys at their houses because one set live 200 miles away and the other 90 miles.

I always find it really odd when people on MN assume grandparents live down the road and the kids drop in and our regularly as that is not something I have any personal experience of whatsoever.

Sounds like my SD's inlaws! Always sending gifts too , always crap and not age appropriate. She told them time and time again its a waste of money, but they ignore.

Isn't this year the best opportunity (with no visiting allowed) to firmly say that one present each is enough? It will be very expensive to post mountains of crap. Much better idea for people to contribute to a savings account, my DS has started Uni and is grateful for a decent savings account to help with his expenses so are we .

Also, I gently remind the GPs that they aren't the only ones buying for them. Divorces aplenty mean there are 4 sets of GP and two parents - its important that everyone remembers that their pile of presents isn't the only thing the child will get. For years I would look at this insane pile that had accumulated by the 28th and realise we literally had no shelves, drawers or storage boxes to put it in.

But if they are toys you dont want and haven't got room for, of course you can. They will be there, ready and waiting, for the next visit. You may find they markedly less keen to buy loads if they have to store it.

For some years I have given my only grandchild cash as presents. He can have the pleasure of choosing. It’s easy, but a boring for me. But that’s my problem.

My mum asked what I wanted last year for dc. I told her. Was very specific I do not have the room for giant gifts. She suggested a play tent instead which I declined because of the size. Reiterated what we would like.

She completely ignored my request and got a giant pop up ball pit with thousands of balls (where does she expect it to go???) we've used it once, sent a pic and packed it away forever.

I don't think giant bags of plastic tat = a show of love. There is no real thought into it. Quality gifts that reflect the child's interests are best!

@Leaannb

I also instituted a 1 gift per a child. If they brought anything else it went into the trash.

Ever heard of charity shops? This is gross

We follow a system of want, need, clothes, books
That way DS5 gets plenty of presents, GP's feel like they've bought loads but we don't get overwhelmed with crap.

I usually give my mum and MIL 2 or 3 things to select from for the want and need presents so we don't end up getting tat.

@mintyfreshh we live 150 miles away from our in laws but we also have taken to the "leave big toys at their house" approach as I think seeing it clutter their house (which is about 3 times the size of our house) has helped them to see why we couldn't keep taking everything back. My MiL struggles with us living so far away and shows love through buying things but like you it got too overwhelming for DS- his first and second Christmases he got between 15-20 things just from the in laws when we only bought him one or two things ourselves. He actually got bored of opening things last Christmas so I think that helped them to see it was well-meant but a bit OTT. We'll see what this Christmas has to bring!