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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu and stingy or was my friend taking the ....?

84 replies

terreyyy · 13/10/2020 09:04

My friend borrowed £10 from me on Friday.
She said il give you it back on Monday.
Yesterday we had plans to go into town.
She rang me saying the weather was dreadful and she had £5 spare so let's get a taxi.
Got in the taxi and I told her I had no change but as soon as we got into town I would give it to her.
She replied "oh it's ok I paid for it out of the £10 I owe you anyway "
And give me £4 change
Then we were in primark and she said she had £70.
She spent too much and asked me to pay for her mum a pair of tracksuit bottoms £5 and she would give me the cash outside.
Anyway got outside and she said she didn't have the £5 in her purse.
She must have left it at home
Aibu or is this cheeky ?

OP posts:
TantieTowie · 13/10/2020 12:34

Unless you can afford to.

agentnully · 13/10/2020 12:38

She has no respect for you and is not your friend.

The next time she asks tell her you'll lend her when she pays the last tenner back and that doesn't include the taxi money as it's not up to her how YOU spend YOUR money. She won't ask again.

Sleepingdogs12 · 13/10/2020 12:50

This is sad, she isn't your friend as she is taking advantage of you and friends don't do that. I would stop contact with her and find people who respect you.

myusernamewastakenbyme · 13/10/2020 12:54

@ancientgran

I feel your pain, exDIL asked me to get trainers for GS, she'd pay me the following Monday, 3 weeks later I am still £60 down. I do loads of childcare, had them both all weekend so she could go away, have them after school every day and most nights I feed them. I'm a pensioner and my pension is £750 a month so a significant sum for me but I don't push it as I don't want the kids to feel unwanted. Some people are just takers.
@ancientgran thats awful...has she done this to you before?
ancientgran · 13/10/2020 13:03

Usually I eventually get the money but I hate asking and of course it bothers the kids if they overhear. I never get anything towards food, I don't want a payment but as an example she picked the kids up one night and told them to hurry up as she had got fish and chips for dinner and I thought wouldn't it have been nice if she had offered to get some for me or even when she dropped some stuff off for them when they were staying with me in school holidays and handed them a bar of chocolate each and again I thought would a third one have killed you. I'm probably not explaining it well, I don't begrudge the kids food or treats I just feel she takes it for granted or maybe takes me for a mug.

Thelnebriati · 13/10/2020 13:44

the real test of your friendship will be how she reacts when you insist she repays the money she owes you.

Soundbyte · 13/10/2020 13:51

Borrow a tenner and when you repay her just give her £2 as you kept the £8 she owed you.

EatPrayYoga · 13/10/2020 13:53

How annoying and cheeky?!

C130 · 13/10/2020 13:54

@terreyyy

From now on when I meet her I'm going to take a small amount of cash for myself and no bank card. If she asks for anything I'm going to say I don't have anything spare. It's not the first time she's done this but I deffo will make sure it's the last.
Hopefully you will not see something you really like then, as you may not be able to afford it then and there, if you do that.
EatPrayYoga · 13/10/2020 13:55

OP doesn't have to tell friend how much she has, just say no spare cash.

KatherineOfGaunt · 13/10/2020 14:00

OP, so she said she had £5 in her wallet to give you outside, but if she'd had it she could have used it to pay in store. I'm a bit confused why you didn't just tell her to use it to pay in the first instance, then it would have been obvious she didn't have it. You need to be firm, she is massively taking the piss!

Original poster
terreyyy · 13/10/2020 14:14

She was paying for her stuff with her bank card and said she would give me the £5 as she gets confused easy.
I don't think il ask for what she owes as it would probably turn into a massive drama.
I think she probably had the money to start with she just didn't want to pay for the taxi herself.
Anyway you live and learn don't you.

OP posts:
Liveandforget · 13/10/2020 14:20

Nah, she ain't confused. She knows excalty what she's doing.

Feelingconfused2020 · 13/10/2020 14:26

I say this gently, there is a reason that she has chosen you to do this to, your subsequent posts highlight that you are a bit of a soft touch (sorry) if you really believe she didn't want to pay for the taxi so essentially conned you into paying for it them surely you can see she isn't a good friend. Rather than making complicated plans to withhold future money just end the friendship. Stop seeing her and ask for the £8 back.

ChocolateCherrybomb · 13/10/2020 14:45

My cousin was like this.

One example;
Had gone to a cafe after work because she was hungry. "You pay, I left my purse in the car, will give you the money for mine when we get back to the car". By the time we got outside it was "well, I gave you a lift so we'll call it quits".

We worked together, same job, same hours. She gave me a "lift" from work to the cafe she wanted to go to and I only agreed to accompany her because she didn't want to go in alone. She stuffed her greedy face, wiped her chops on the back of her hand and then fucked off home, leaving me to go to the bus stop up the street from the cafe.

One of many examples, how I despise her.

EatPrayYoga · 13/10/2020 15:30

I say this gently, there is a reason that she has chosen you to do this to, your subsequent posts highlight that you are a bit of a soft touch (sorry)

I think this is a little bit unfair as many people struggle to raise these things in real life especially if it is a one odd and you don't want to ruin a friendship over £8

Tunnocks34 · 13/10/2020 15:42

This reminds me of a friend I had in college. I was always lending her £5 here or there. One day she asked me for £50 and then when I asked for it back, She outright denied I’d lent it her. The gall of her. Cheeky cow it still pisses me off to this day

myusernamewastakenbyme · 13/10/2020 16:29

@ancientgran she is absolutely taking you for granted...i suppose its difficult to say anything as she could stop you seeing your grandkids...there does seem to be lots of people around who seem to think others should pay for them.

Userzzz · 13/10/2020 16:38

There’s too much math required for this post.
Stop lending each other money

ancientgran · 13/10/2020 16:42

myusernamewastakenbyme the kids do come first, they spend alot of time with me as they are unhappy at home, step father issues, so this is their escape and because of that I won't risk rocking the boat. I look forward to them getting to 18 and I never have to see her again.

Soontobeworking · 13/10/2020 17:11

To me it really depends on the relationship. With most of my friends i dont count every little bit. Like we would go to a cafe and i pay for everything, lets say £15. Then the next time we meet up somewhere they usually offer to pay and it doesnt matter if the activity is £10 or £20. Its a give and take and sometimes i pay more and sometimes they do. It would never even occur to me to ask for £5 back, because i know sooner or later it will even out again.
I have one friend, however, who never offers to pay. So with her i always make sure we split it evenly. I spoke to her about it once after always paying, then she started offering sometimes, but always for really cheap stuff while i took care of the higher bills. It didnt feel like an even give and take, so now i always pay for half and thats it.

ithinkiveseenthisfilmbefore · 13/10/2020 17:15

CF cow.

Why on earth didn't you call her out on the taxi? She should have paid at least half of it, if not all of it, since she was the one who wanted to take a taxi. Why the fuck did you just sit there like a numpty? And then give her more in the store?

Anordinarymum · 13/10/2020 17:22

@terreyyy

She was paying for her stuff with her bank card and said she would give me the £5 as she gets confused easy. I don't think il ask for what she owes as it would probably turn into a massive drama. I think she probably had the money to start with she just didn't want to pay for the taxi herself. Anyway you live and learn don't you.
It all depends on whether you actually want her as a friend or not. Next time she asks to meet, tell her she still owes you some money from last time and you are pretty broke this month. You will find out for sure how much of a friend she really is. Friends like this are not friends. They are not your children either - not your responsibility
KatherineOfGaunt · 15/10/2020 18:03

@terreyyy

She was paying for her stuff with her bank card and said she would give me the £5 as she gets confused easy. I don't think il ask for what she owes as it would probably turn into a massive drama. I think she probably had the money to start with she just didn't want to pay for the taxi herself. Anyway you live and learn don't you.
She should have put the trousers through as a separate transaction and paid with the cash. It's not confusing. Never, ever pay for anything for her again!!
jetadore · 15/10/2020 19:25

Anyway you live and learn don't you.

Do you??

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