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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want someone to be excited

81 replies

pregnantanon · 12/10/2020 15:48

So I'm currently 19, single and pregnant which although it was a big shock at first, it is what it is and I'm now happy to be having a baby. But, not a single person has had anything nice to say, I've not had a single congrats or anything and actually had a few people straight up say sorry :(

I just don't understand why everyone sees the baby as such a negative thing, especially as I've made it clear that I'm excited. I just wish I someone would share the excitement with me :(

OP posts:
hamstersarse · 12/10/2020 16:47

It's always lovely to have a new baby
But it is hard, and doing it on your own is not ideal.

Do you have enough money - a job with some qualifications so you can earn the family keep? Some family support? A good place to live?

These are things that aren't fluffy and become incredibly important once the realities of parenthood set in

But congrats, you will make it through Smile

AwaAnBileYerHeid · 12/10/2020 16:49

*"Please stop with the younger parents are so much fitter blah blah.

Parents in their 30’s and 40’s generally have better education, homes and resources. I had my last child at 42 and never felt better."*

This. My best friend has 4 kids; she had her oldest two at 18 and 21 and her youngest two at 40 and 42. She says the only differnce really was that she was much more patient and financially stable for the youngest 2. So I totally agree with you.

HunterHearstHelmsley · 12/10/2020 16:49

Congratulations!

Some people are just like that. A friend of mine is mid 30s, owns her own home, happy with her partner. I was about the 10th person she told and the first to be positive.

SeasonallySnowyPeasant · 12/10/2020 16:49

Congratulations. I guess people are concerned for you and how you will manage.

FWIW I had my DC at 22 and 24. It was fine.

HunterHearstHelmsley · 12/10/2020 16:51

My sister had her first at 18. He's coming 18 now. Everything was fine. Obviously there was some financial tough times but there always is.

ohidoliketobe · 12/10/2020 16:51

Congratulations!
Everyone loves a baby. They will be queuing to be involved once the baby is here

KLCD · 12/10/2020 16:55

Congratulations i am 22 and a mum of 2. I wouldnt change it for the world. It gave me so much hope, so much passion and drive to succeed for them.

Let the 'sorry' responses fuel the fire to proving that pregnancy at a young age isn't the end of the world Smilexx

AlternativePerspective · 12/10/2020 16:55

Nobody is wrong here... So you’re excited for yourself, but personally I don’t think that being pregnant and single at nineteen is something to be celebrated.

Likely the people who aren’t that excited for you are of the view that you will likely need and expect them to be supportive of you and the baby.

If I had a nineteen year Old who came to me pregnant and single, while I would support them I certainly wouldn’t be jumping for joy, and most people wouldn’t.

BewilderedDoughnut · 12/10/2020 16:56

@ohidoliketobe Everyone loves a baby. They will be queuing to be involved once the baby is here.

Not everyone!!

Dinosforall · 12/10/2020 16:57

Well, bluntly, I would assume that if you had actually wanted a baby at this time you would have planned it.

SurreyHillsGirl · 12/10/2020 16:58

[quote BewilderedDoughnut]**@ohidoliketobe* Everyone loves a baby. They will be queuing to be involved once the baby is here*.

Not everyone!![/quote]
Grin

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 12/10/2020 17:03

OP, people in your life who care for you and about you will be more invested in your having a baby and I hope that now you're happy about it, so are they.

I think it's a bit rich to expect random people to be excited for you. They may or may not and that isn't something that you can or should try, to force either. Stop putting your expectations on other people and maybe they will offer congratulations to you more readily.

I hope you do have people in your life to support you because posters on a chatboard are not friends who will care for you in real life.

Take care of yourself and I hope that all goes to plan, exactly as you'd like it to.

eatsleepread · 12/10/2020 17:04

Congratulations! Very exciting news Thanks

eatsleepread · 12/10/2020 17:06

My mum had me when she was 17. Dad was 19.
I'm 46 now. I know it sounds selfish, but I love that my parents are still young!

Your first baby is so incredibly special. Hope you keep well throughout the pregnancy x

TidyDancer · 12/10/2020 17:10

Congratulations OP.

While it's completely unacceptable for people to be straight up rude to you, I do think it's understandable that their immediate reaction isn't one of pure joy. You are very young and if you're single now they probably know how hard it will be. Which is not to say you won't be a fantastic parent, but it is difficult.

Do you have the means to support yourself and the baby and do you have family who will help you? Maybe their concerns are around this too.

S111n20 · 12/10/2020 17:10

Massive congratulations. I had my first child at 20 and wouldn’t change if for the world. Enjoy this amazing time.

GrandAltogether · 12/10/2020 17:14

Honestly, OP, you say yourself it took you some time to be happy about this unplanned pregnancy when you're young and single, so why expect everyone else to skip the 'significant reservations' stage and go straight to 'thrilled'?

It may even be that they wonder whether you are considering a termination.

And I imagine the people who love you most are most concerned about an unplanned solo pregnancy's impact on you and/or are wondering how you will manage financially, or if you are basing your decision to go ahead with the pregnancy on them providing childcare while you work or study.

Cadent · 12/10/2020 17:15

It depends on if you can afford the baby. Are you still living at home? If yes, I can understand why your parents aren't thrilled tbh.

Congratulations Flowers

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 12/10/2020 17:16

but personally I don’t think that being pregnant and single at nineteen is something to be celebrated

This ^

A nineteen year old is very unlikely to be financially stable enough to support themselves and a child. They are still learning their way as an adult.

Currently, I’m surprised at anyone deciding to have a baby during a pandemic, all the health and economy concerns etc.

Cocomarine · 12/10/2020 17:18

@HunterHearstHelmsley

My sister had her first at 18. He's coming 18 now. Everything was fine. Obviously there was some financial tough times but there always is.
Nope.
kittycatss · 12/10/2020 17:31

'but personally I don’t think that being pregnant and single at nineteen is something to be celebrated'

I hated people saying things like this when I was pregnant at 18, whether they like it or not there's going to be a baby, so why be negative about it? All its going to do is make OP feel bad.

Cadent · 12/10/2020 17:33

@kittycatss but OP has posted on a forum, of course people will have an opinion, she is asking if she's BU!

hotcrosswhat · 12/10/2020 17:35

@IceCreamAndCandyfloss I'm pregnant at the moment and you might be interested to hear that my midwife says she's never been busier/had so many pregnancies to take care of!

RelaisBlu · 12/10/2020 17:36

Perhaps the people who are not congratulating you are concerned about how you will manage and are apprehensive that you may have high expectations of help from them? Are they the people who you will be expecting support from eg your parents/siblings/grandparents?

Booboobibles · 12/10/2020 17:47

Congratulations🙂. I wish I’d had my children at a younger age (although I was only 30/32) and I wish that my parents had had me at a younger age.

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