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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To hate having to share everything

58 replies

ItWasButIsNot · 12/10/2020 08:49

For some reason my "D"P thinks anything that is mine is for family use/consumption. Whilst I'm fairly relaxed generally about sharing there are certain things that piss me off. The main one is my pillow. It's mine. It is shaped to me. I probably need to replace it but I love that pillow so much I imagine it'll go once I'm dead. Why can't I have one sacred item (pillow) and he respect my bloody wishes not to use it. It probably seems petty but after my favourite foods are inhaled (no appreciation!) or my razors used on his face or even my new toothbrush (thankfully I had another) I just want my pillow to be mine and not have his smelly head on it. It royally pisses me off. AIBU?

OP posts:
Onekidnoclue · 12/10/2020 08:52

Not unreasonable in the least! Pillows are sacred. You’re a nicer person than me. I’d start leaving traps to put him off nicking my stuff. “Oh darling! You just brushed your teeth with the loo cleaning toothbrush!” “Silly you DH! That’s the chocolate if laced with laxatives as I was a bit bunged up”....

Soubriquet · 12/10/2020 08:55

How is he with you using his stuff?

My sister was horrible for this. Would take everything that belonged to someone else but would go batshit if you touched anything of hers

catspyjamas123 · 12/10/2020 08:55

He sounds a parasite. Get rid of him. Keep the pillow!!

firstimemamma · 12/10/2020 08:56

Yanbu, I feel like this about my dressing table. It's the one area of the house just for me so no you cannot put clothes etc on it!

MrsHuntGeneNotJeremyObviously · 12/10/2020 09:06

Well he's a DP rather than a DH so easier to get rid of!
Make it abundantly clear that this pisses you off and if he continues, then ltb. No one in a relationship should be doing something they know really annoys their partner. And it's selfish to eat/use/take things which then deprive the other party.

Wheytaminute · 12/10/2020 09:08

Eh!!? No way. Your pillow is yours. And toothbrush sharing!?

He's being VVVVU

CharlottesComplicatedWeb · 12/10/2020 09:10

He needs to go. Hide the pillow, so he can’t take it with him.

I would absolutely hate living like that. YANBU.

Flowers
AlwaysCheddar · 12/10/2020 09:15

What a selfish prick

Plussizejumpsuit · 12/10/2020 09:24

Yanbu

Is he generally disrespectful? I hate it if my partner eats something I really like and he's not bothered on just because it's there. I will tell him not to, especially if there's not much of something or a similar thing in the house. Eg I live rose and violet creams, he's not bothered so when I had some recently I told him to go and get other chocolate from the kitchen.

It's not just the food or posessions it's about respect.

catspyjamas123 · 12/10/2020 10:24

If he takes your toothbrush he’ll take your savings too. Never marry this man.

EmbarrassedUser · 12/10/2020 10:26

@ItWasButIsNot

For some reason my "D"P thinks anything that is mine is for family use/consumption. Whilst I'm fairly relaxed generally about sharing there are certain things that piss me off. The main one is my pillow. It's mine. It is shaped to me. I probably need to replace it but I love that pillow so much I imagine it'll go once I'm dead. Why can't I have one sacred item (pillow) and he respect my bloody wishes not to use it. It probably seems petty but after my favourite foods are inhaled (no appreciation!) or my razors used on his face or even my new toothbrush (thankfully I had another) I just want my pillow to be mine and not have his smelly head on it. It royally pisses me off. AIBU?
Smelly head 😂😂 If he’s that smelly why are you shagging him?
EKGEMS · 12/10/2020 10:28

He's marking his territory like the dog that he is because he has no respect for you. I'd clean the toilet bowl with said toothbrush and tell him after he uses it (which I cannot believe another human would want to share toothbrushes with anyone else.)

lurker69 · 12/10/2020 10:43

what reason did he give for using your toothbrush? that's gross! i accidently used my husbands once, i was gagging all day every time i thought about it!

Elizaaa · 12/10/2020 10:47

What does he do if 'his' things are distributed through the family?

This is a serious issue. He's telling you that he's the most important in the household and entitled to anything he wants, regardless of whose it is. He's telling you that your opinions and wants don't matter and that you don't deserve anything nice or new. Nothing solely for yourself.

Would he continue to use your toothbrush or was it just because it was new, he had to be the first to use it?

Also, what's he like when you are ill? Does he have it 10x worse? Whether he's fine or not?

Does he think he should have 'man' portions and first dibs on the meat?

Get rid op. This probably won't get better.

Angelina82 · 12/10/2020 10:48

Look on the bright side OP, at least he’s obviously not stealing your shampoo.

Elizaaa · 12/10/2020 10:48

Does he eat all of everything? Regardless of whether anyone else has had any?

AriettyHomily · 12/10/2020 10:51

Sounds like an inconsiderate prick tbh.

I spent a ridiculous amount of money on my pillow, it was a real treat and sorted out my neck pain. If DH tried to use it I'd go mad!!!!

cc02458 · 12/10/2020 10:52

if you honestly feel: 'I just want my pillow to be mine and not have his smelly head on it' maybe you should find a new sleeping partner?

Or just buy another pillow for his side of the bed?

Bananalanacake · 12/10/2020 10:53

Do you have DC together? if not there is no need to live with him.

PlanDeRaccordement · 12/10/2020 10:53

Have you told him you don’t like sharing personal items and to stop? I made it very clear to my DH in the early days of our relationship. Even down to my pillow too. If he knows it bothers you and cares about you, he should stop. It’s better to be explicit because I’ve found that many men are clueless about hints.

Lolaloveslemonade · 12/10/2020 10:56

’Smelly head’ 😂
I’d hate this OP.
Have you told him to get off?

Pinot4me · 12/10/2020 10:57

That must be so annoying! My let hate is sharing my phone charger... I have it plugged in to a socket in the lounge (in the corner, out of the way) which is where it lives. If my phone or iPad needs charging that’s where they charge...
And then, as if by magic it’s gone - sooooo irritating!

SpaceOP · 12/10/2020 11:06

Have you told him you don't want him to use your pillow? Because if you haven't, then you should and it sounds like he's the type who has no physical boundaries. If you have and he's ignored you, then there's a much bigger problem here.

Ditto food - if you buy certain food for certain times/people, you need to tell him that. If he continues to eat it with abandon, again, you have a bigger problem.

Some people are very relaxed about this kind of thing in personal space. I'm not so totally get where you're coming from. But I've had friends who are more like him.

redvest · 12/10/2020 11:11

Its one of the worst aspects of living together. This sharing thing

LemmysAceCard · 12/10/2020 11:13

My adult son was the same. Anything in the house was communal and fair game, (food, razors, alcohol, etc) but anything he bought was out of bounds.

I hid things i didnt want him to touch. He has moved out now and my razors can finally come out of my wardrobe.

Does he mind if you use his stuff?

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