Page 2 | To hate having to share everything

Original poster

ItWasButIsNot · 12/10/2020 11:15

To clarify the smelly head is not a disgusting smell. He is in fact a very clean person, I was just being a bit playground mean there although his head is not as nice smelling as mine obviously

I don't really use his stuff but I doubt he would mind too much. It's more that my things get used as if their his.

The toothbrush was when I changed to a nice new one but because it was green and not pink he thought I'd changed it to his. It was only when his disappeared the next day I clocked he had used mine. I now have a nicer blue one to compliment his manly green one!

OP posts:

Original poster

ItWasButIsNot · 12/10/2020 11:16

They're*

OP posts:

Nosnogginginthekitchen · 12/10/2020 11:16

I have to say, I quite like when my pillow smells of my chap, but he generally smells nice. However if I told him it bothered me he'd respect that. Sounds like you've just mentioned tip of the iceberg stuff here...

Poppingnostopping · 12/10/2020 11:18

I don't understand if it's your pillow, on your side of the bed, and you've nicely said 'I love my own pillow, would you mind not using it' then where's the issue?

Why is he using your stuff? Set some boundaries.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 12/10/2020 11:19

@ItWasButIsNot

For some reason my "D"P thinks anything that is mine is for family use/consumption. Whilst I'm fairly relaxed generally about sharing there are certain things that piss me off. The main one is my pillow. It's mine. It is shaped to me. I probably need to replace it but I love that pillow so much I imagine it'll go once I'm dead. Why can't I have one sacred item (pillow) and he respect my bloody wishes not to use it. It probably seems petty but after my favourite foods are inhaled (no appreciation!) or my razors used on his face or even my new toothbrush (thankfully I had another) I just want my pillow to be mine and not have his smelly head on it. It royally pisses me off. AIBU?

NO!

YANBU!!!

I also hate DH even leaning against my pillow.

People drool when they are sleeping. I refuse to rest my exquisite barnet on someone else's spit!

It's disgusting and unhygienic.

What is so difficult for him to understand about the words "Leave my stuff alone you bugger - and that goes double for my pillow!"

Wipe your bum on his best shirt.

Nosnogginginthekitchen · 12/10/2020 11:20

The toothbrush thing sounds more like a misunderstanding than him just appropriating. have you actually discussed this issue with him?

AriesTheRam · 12/10/2020 11:21

Smother him with it

Devlesko · 12/10/2020 11:31

Tell him to get the fuck off your stuff, or the fuck out of your life.
Being direct has it's advantages

notangelinajolie · 12/10/2020 11:35

A person's pillow is their own.

I have a particular issue with my china mug. I see red if anyone uses it. DH attempted to make FIL a brew in it once - he hasn't done it again

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 12/10/2020 11:44

I do wonder how some MNers ever manage to have sex, when they think that their Dh ‘leaning against’ their pillow is ‘disgusting and unhygienic’!

Do they give his willy a good going over with Dettol and a Brillo pad before it’s allowed anywhere near them?

Howlooseisyourgoose · 12/10/2020 11:48

YANBU, that's gross. Apparently we sweat a lot when we sleep not me of course and I don't want to share someone else's sweat.

LindaEllen · 12/10/2020 11:51

My stepson is like this, and he just doesn't see a problem whatsoever, and I feel like I can't complain about it too much or I run the risk of being labelled evil step mum.

He takes all of my snacks from the kitchen (and he has plenty he could eat and knows full well which my absolute favourites are - which are NOT the same as his favourites) but my main annoyance is when he uses my weighted blanket.

I have anxiety and this blanket helps a lot if I can snuggle up in it for a few hours in the evening. But more times than I appreciate, I've gone into the lounge from my office to find him wrapped in it on the sofa. It's not just a cheap blanket to keep me warm, it's a really bloody expensive weighted blanket - and every time he uses it, it stinks of sweaty teenagers and I have to wash the outer cover before I want to wrap myself up in it.

He will find my blanket from wherever I put it. I think the age of 17 is plenty old enough to understand personal space, and using my blanket is this.

Having said that, he also uses the towel from my rung of the rail as well which is just fucking disgusting to do because he can't be arsed getting his from where he left it, wet in his room from last time.

christinarossetti19 · 12/10/2020 11:55

In that situation LindaEllen I would ensure that his parents know that a weighted blanket is top of his Xmas list.

WhatWouldYouDoWhatWouldJesusDo · 12/10/2020 12:25

Oh I can trump this, my dp once and without consulting me binned allllll the pillows and.replaced them with new ones. All of them, including my ancient grubby one that was used as a side pillow and was perfectly moulded to me.

I

Was

Furious

And he sat there like a fucking happy Labrador that had just done a good thing. He got a reaction akin to Ursula when Ariel gets her legs and.the man.

Still angry now actually now I think on it. Think I'm going to remind him of the time he binned my pillows as a.conversation starter 🤨

Rewis · 12/10/2020 12:31

When I moved in with my bf, I learned that I'm bad at sharing. Sometimes I just want to make myself a cuppa and a sandwich in the kitchen without offering (out of politeness) to make anything to someone else. Sometimes I also want to buy myself a bottle of coke and have all of it when I want it!

Anyway, you are not unreasonable. I think when we are talking about an item like this, ita ok to say you'd rather have it private. If he cannot respect this then I echo pp and you can use it to smother him

DeliciouslyFemale · 12/10/2020 12:33

LindaEllen You can’t continue living like that. The wee shit is acting like a fucking tomcat and marking your stuff deliberately, while you stand passively by, with your anxiety raising. That’s no kind of life and I don’t understand why you’re putting up with it. As so many of the step mother haters on here, are so fond of saying, “would you let your own child do that?” I bet you wouldn’t. Stop letting him bully you like this, because you know his behaviour is absolutely deliberate.

Why are you so worried about being put in the mean stepmother role? Why hasn’t your partner/husband had a word with him?

MrsClatterbuck · 12/10/2020 12:36

@GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER

I do wonder how some MNers ever manage to have sex, when they think that their Dh ‘leaning against’ their pillow is ‘disgusting and unhygienic’!

Do they give his willy a good going over with Dettol and a Brillo pad before it’s allowed anywhere near them?

ktp100 · 12/10/2020 12:48

I lose my shit if anyone moves my pillow!! It's so unreasonable!!

I'm afraid I'd have to be awfully petty and start doing things he hates just to piss him off.

LadySeaThing · 12/10/2020 12:51

When I left my ex this was one of the best things. No stinky head on my pillow. No horrible yellow stain where his stinky head had been. I thought it was just me/him but once there was a thread abut the gross things (some) men's heads do to pillows :o I actually bought new bedding to celebrate!

He also used to help himself to anything as if it was his, especially phone chargers I'd be continually buying myself and the kids new chargers and he'd just take them whenever he couldn't find his, then leave them at work. Selfish arse!

One thing I tried was using different colours so for example you could get a special pillowcase for your pillow and make it clear to him it's the one you need to use as it's shaped to you. But basically LTB.

LadySeaThing · 12/10/2020 12:54

I do wonder how some MNers ever manage to have sex, when they think that their Dh ‘leaning against’ their pillow is ‘disgusting and unhygienic’!

Do they give his willy a good going over with Dettol and a Brillo pad before it’s allowed anywhere near them?

I have to say, now I'm single, sometimes I miss sex/having a man and think about it, and then I remember the smelliness, selfishness and stains and I just think ah no I can't be doing with that. I'm sure there are clean, nice-smelling (and unselfish, grown-up, non-misogynist etc) men out there but I can't face sorting through the others.

HollowTalk · 12/10/2020 12:57

@Angelina82

Look on the bright side OP, at least he’s obviously not stealing your shampoo.

Sharpandshineyteeth · 12/10/2020 12:58

Leave him because he takes your pillow!?!? FFS Mumsnet!! This is mental.

Just TALK to him, set firm boundaries. Say no.

positivelynegative · 12/10/2020 13:02

Leave him because he takes your pillow!?!

Perhaps a little hyperbole...

TwoLeftSocksWithHoles · 12/10/2020 13:06

Could you suggest that if he uses your pillow he must wear a plastic bag on his head to prevent it being contaminated.

Best tie a string around the neck to keep the bag securely in place. (only joking - don't do this bit!)

EarthSight · 12/10/2020 13:16

I think there's a lot more to this than sharing. I would say that the OP finds her partner repulsive, hence why she doesn't even want him to physically place his head on her pillow (although it is reasonable to want your own pillow as they are often shaped to out own heads).

Do you love him? It sounds like you feel he's trampling all over you.