Ok, as this is “smoking is your own fault if you die” central, I’m not expecting sympathy, but I am worried.

[CathyTre]

I am a smoker. Have been since I was fourteen or so and never a “casual” or “social” smoker, a really heavy one. I’m addictive in many ways. I was anorexic for many years from about fourteen to about 27. Then a period of bulimia. Then, after my ex left me for the other woman, I decided (didn’t decide, but on some level I guess) to drink heavily. Stopped that. Got help.

Still smoke. Periodically bite nails down to the quick. Have started controlling food again, but am quite aware so trying hard not to delve down into anorexia again.

Am now suffering symptoms that I’m scared are lung cancer. Painful upper back. Sometimes chest pain below the ribs. Weak left arm.

I saw GP on Tuesday. He thinks is trapped nerve in shoulder. And referred pain in chest. But have a chest X-ray on Tuesday. Just in case. I’m scared.

AIBU to be scared, when if I do have lung cancer, I did it to myself?

Oh OP I hope ots good news and I believe it will be.

So many of us smoked heavily in our younger days, dont beat yourself up.
You would be so unlucky for it to be anything suspicious but please quit smoking now.

OP, I don’t mean to belittle your fear, so please don’t take it that way, but I worked in hospice and lung cancer was very common and what you’re describing aren’t the common symptoms. Usually, it’s a new uncontrollable cough, wheezing, breathlessness, fatigue, losing weight, and yes, there may be pain. But I don’t remember any patients being diagnosed with advanced metastasized lung cancer that just had pain at that point and no other symptoms. I’m NOT saying it’s impossible, and I’m sure someone here will be able to say they’ve seen it happen, just that you should know out of maybe 20 lung cancer symptoms, you have only one.

As for stopping smoking, there are two things to know. First, I don’t blame people because it’s not helpful and because we know now that smoking is as addictive as class A drugs, so of course it’s incredibly difficult to quit. If you need help, talk to your GP, try something like Champix, or there are other medications that can help, especially if you have an addictive personality, as you mention disordered eating and severe nail biting. Second, it always matters if you quit. People aren’t aware how fast they start to regain lung capacity once they stop smoking. Within just four days of not smoking, the cilia in your lungs start to heal so you can start coughing up the mucus in there, which will definitely help you live longer. Even if you had stage four lung cancer, it could be the difference between dying in three months and dying in six months (for example, it could save your life if you get an infection or pneumonia which is what often kills people with advanced lung cancer).

I know it’s terrifying, OP, but take heart. I really do hope it all works out for the best.

You’ve been amazing to get through what you have done so far in life. What this experience is teaching you now is that you really don’t want to die. I have every confidence that you can channel the determination that got you through your previous problems into tackling this one too. Beat the smoking OP, you can do it!

As an ex smoker I recognise the "Well it's too late to quit now". If you realise how manipulative your addiction is, it will help you quit when and if the time is right.

I'm glad your GP is being extra cautious rather than dismissive. The problem is when she's being so mindful of the "serious" conditions and ruling them out, it of course panics you and rules them in - mentally.

You'll soon know It would still be incredibly rare in spite of how much you are smoking at the minute. My parents are in their 60s and heavy heavy smokers.

I just gave up smoking a couple of months ago after 45 years of a very heavy habit. So you have my entire sympathy. I used Allen Carr's book, "Easyway to Stop Smoking"

But I still sometimes have to desire for a cigarrette, but you know what stops me more than anything else is the image of my mother's last days in hospital. She had a heavy habit too and her nicotine withdrawal on top of everything else was horrible.

Thank you all for kind messages and advice. I’ll tell you what happens on Tuesday. I’m
Terrified

If you haven't lost weight unintentionally it is unlikely you have lung cancer. I hope however you stop smoking.

Read up of the physiology of the lungs. It takes them years to recover from damage done by smoking.

COPD has 2 main causes smoking and a rare genetic condition. COPD (although not as scary to people as lung cancer) is very common and is a horrible disease that causes a lot of long term ill health. So please stop now whilst you are still young

I gave up smoking after 22 years just after I had a lung X-ray. Waiting for it - like you are now - was scary and you have my sympathy. My lungs were ok thankfully, and I quit after I got the all clear. I had very similar thoughts to you, and most of all a sense of waste and shame.

Hope it turns out well for you. For what it's worth, I found quitting ok and I went completely cold turkey.

No judgement. You sound like a very strong person. Best of luck on Tuesday.

Thank you all. I am very slim anyway and haven’t lost any extra weight. It’s the pain in my shoulder and chest that are Frightening me. Thank you all; I’ll update after the X-ray, which I’m soo scared of!

@CathyTre

I realise this might sound flippant, but my current mindset is that if this is actually is symptomatic lung cancer, there wouldn’t be much point in stopping now, as on average I’d have about six months to live.

Or it could be a trapped nerve, as my GP thinks. In which case, it definitely would be worth using it as a shock to stop.

First para: not so. My late mum had stage 4 lung cancer for 2 years, she had in fact already given up smoking after 59 years, but not starting again definitely helped make her quality of life better.

Have you tried an ecig op? That's how I quit.

Aspire pockex gave just the right amount of vape for me and it's £18 on amazon.

Hope everything ok on Tuesday

I’m so grateful for replies. Going to bed and will update on Tuesday - thank you all so much x

If it helps I was a heavy smoker. Started age 12, and was on 30 a day when I quit and I bloody loved smoking
I started with an e cig when they first came out and couldn't get on with it. Then I bought one a few years later and did 24hrs with it attached to my face after that I thought well I can't go back, I mean I couldn't even cut down before let alone do 24hrs without
That was 4 years ago and my app tells me I have NOT smoked over 47,000 cigarettes
Do I have the odd one on a night out? Yeah. Then I go bleugh that's grim, and back to my vape. I still use quite high nicotine

I'm sorry you're so stressed out. The symptoms are similar to a frozen shoulder take a deep breath don't panic yet use the situation for inspiration.
What stopped it for me was watching Tony Robbins about smoking but mindset on self worth.
I had quit previously using Allen Carr but it only works once IMO.
My friend had severe night sweats too before his diagnosis he was 49.
I once read on MN give up now because you want too as one day you'll have too.

As your GP for help giving up. You may feel nothing will work, because you're addicted, but something will. You've got through so much, stopping smoking is a tough one, but you can do it.

I gave up using the Allen Carr book - it tackles your belief that you can't give up. I eventually gave up because I got a very bad smoker's cough that I couldn't pretend was anything else, and my son kept coming home from school where they were getting the full-on anti-smoking message and begging me to stop smoking because I was going to die.

I'm sorry to hear you're so scared. And of course you should give up smoking, but you'll already know that. Just try and keep a lid on your fears until you know. I had lung cancer last year. No symptoms as such. Never smoked. Just bad luck. Things aren't always as they seem.

Fingers crossed for Tuesday. My DH has lung cancer, he's never smoked in his life - there are a lot more treatment options out there now,

Hopefully, and probably, it’s just a trapped nerve.
In case it helps motivate you to stop, Google COPD. I was very ignorant about it, my mum was a very heavy smoker and while she died of lung cancer (in old age) she was also diagnosed with COPD and when I read about it it was obvious to me that she had it for years.
COPD disables and kills huge numbers of people in the U.K. A lot of the people you see in mobility scooters have it. It’s really debilitating and miserable but people aren’t as aware of it as they are of lung cancer.
Good luck on Tuesday and good luck with stopping.

I have COPD. And smoked for 25 years. I can't tell you how much I bitterly regret it, and the irony is that I on diagnosis had already quit, and for a few years previously. Do stop now OP.
What I learned from quitting is that the habit is psychological and not physical. You can quit if you believe you can. It's too hard if you choose to believe that smoking has "hooked" you and that you are permanently addicted.

My experience of lung cancer is that you may feel differently about stopping.

The 2 people I've seen with it, one couldn't leave a hospital bed to smoke outside and in the earlier stages coulndt walk far and it was exhausting getting up to smoke. They couldn't sleep all night with the pain and just had naps in the day. Didnt live ling enough for an oxygen tank.

The second was strapped to an oxygen tank for a few months before passing and couldn't breathe without it, never mind reduce oxygen intake further when smoking.

OP, I hope everything works out for you. From what you've posted here, it's unlikely you have lung cancer. However, this is the perfect opportunity to give up cigarettes. "If I've got cancer, I may as well keep smoking" is the addiction talking. Addictions are manipulative bastards. Some alcoholics tell themselves that they need to keep drinking because they can't start their recovery until they've hit rock-bottom; some obese people tell themselves that eating a gigantic breakfast will help them lose weight, because it'll kick-start their metabolism; some pregnant smokers tell themselves that the stress of quitting is likelier to kill the baby than a few cigarettes. It's all complete bollocks. Think of the addiction as an abusive partner who's telling you that you can't live without them, when in reality you're much better off without them.

@ZoeCM Great advice.

Yanbu to be scared, life isn’t black and white, I used to smoke and started at 12, it was scarily easy for children to take up a potentially life limiting habit in those days.

I'm an ex smoker, can't stand the smell anymore, but I do appreciate how addictive it is and how hard it can be to give up.

When I finally did I was really determined and found it easier. I hope it all works out op