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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not stay at boyfriends again

64 replies

fairynick · 10/10/2020 06:00

We both are in our twenties and don’t live together, still live at home as we’re saving and don’t want to rent etc.
Been together ages, everything is perfect etc.
Boyfriends mum doesn’t own a dryer and is always cold which means the heating is constantly on full blast.
Not too bad in the summer surprisingly as they have air on etc, but as the winter is coming and his mum loves to be warm and clothes can’t be on the washing like the heating will be put on full blast overnight which I can’t stand!
I’ve not slept a wink all night, I’m not even that hot tbf I think it’s more the way it heats up the air. I like fresh air and find the house generally really stuffy. It’s well insulated and lots of carpets etc.
It’s been a problem for a while but I’ve tried to get over myself, boyfriend knows I find it uncomfortable but we’ve always joked more than anything.
But it’s now 6am and I haven’t slept a wink.
WIBU to not stay anymore for this sole reason? It all sounds so silly but I’m bloody knackered!

OP posts:
Original poster
fairynick · 10/10/2020 06:01

*washing line.

Sorry the whole post is so poorly written, putting it down to tiredness!

OP posts:
Dinosauraddict · 10/10/2020 06:03

You should be looking for solutions rather than refusing to stay over, if you think this is the relationship you want. This is a minor issue. Some initial ideas:

  1. Keep window open in bf's room
  2. Buy a big fan for bf's room (you can get bedroom ones that are silent, and have different speeds etc, ours you can put on timer for 2 hours so it's enough to get you to sleep but doesn't then waste energy).
TheTamingOfTheHamster · 10/10/2020 06:04

Yanbu, but don’t if you want to spend the same number of nights with your boyfriend it would be nice to check with your parents first if they’re happy with him stAying over more.

TheTamingOfTheHamster · 10/10/2020 06:04

Sorry random ‘dont’

Original poster
fairynick · 10/10/2020 06:05

  1. usually have always done this until next door bought a German shepherd that likes to bark through the night Sad
  2. had the fan on all night it’s one that turns the air really cold but I think that’s almost contributing because it’s making my throat dry alongside the heating doing the same

I do agree though there must be some sort of solution that we haven’t thought of.

OP posts:
Original poster
fairynick · 10/10/2020 06:06

Plans for him to actually move into my mums within the next year, my mums more than happy to have him bless her! So glad they get on well.

OP posts:
JemimaTiggywinkle · 10/10/2020 06:07

I would hate this!
I guess it’s not possible to just turn off the radiator in your boyfriend’s room and keep the door closed all the time? Or if not, leave his window open?

But of course it’s perfectly reasonable not to stay somewhere you can’t sleep. Can he stay at your parents house?

Also, a bit of unsolicited advice... would definitely recommend renting somewhere together for 6 months to test out living together before you commit to buying a house together. I know it seems like a waste of money, but it will be worth it.

Original poster
fairynick · 10/10/2020 06:09

Thanks for all the advice!
Unfortunately not the case with turning off the individual radiators, which I have genuinely never experienced before and think is such a weird system. Surely it’s a waste when unused rooms are being heated?
We have lived together before when I was a student, and plans for him to move in my mums within the next year, definitely should live with someone before committing to buying!

OP posts:
Monty27 · 10/10/2020 06:15

Put some bowls of steaming water in the room and keep the window open never mind the dog. It sounds unhealthy. There's little lamps you can buy that also serves as a humidifier.

WunWun · 10/10/2020 06:18

Sorry, why can't you turn his radiator off? What do you mean about not the case?

Original poster
fairynick · 10/10/2020 06:19

Oooh I never thought of the steaming water I was actually looking at humidifiers but was scared of damp! Thanks for the suggestion!
Going to have a chat with boyfriend and see if he’d be okay with us staying at mine a bit more rather than what we have atm which is an almost 50/50 split. Think I’ll have to bite the bullet and still stay round here a bit so that his mum doesn’t think I’ve fell out with her, and because we both travel a fair bit to see one another so I want to still pull my weight in that respect too.

OP posts:
Original poster
fairynick · 10/10/2020 06:21

@WunWun when you turn the heating on it just what’s the whole house! So on my radiators at home there’s a little dial at the side that you can twist to turn them on and off, up and down. These just don’t exist in their house?? Honestly so baffling because the spare room is being heated like a sauna.

OP posts:
Original poster
fairynick · 10/10/2020 06:21

*heats not what’s I’m so sorry

OP posts:
Aridane · 10/10/2020 06:22

Window open, ear plugs in

Original poster
fairynick · 10/10/2020 06:23

His mum just sets it at 22 degrees when drying is needed to be done and then the whole house is heated.

OP posts:
Original poster
fairynick · 10/10/2020 06:24

Ear plugs! @Aridane amazing how little bits of common sense like that could potentially be life changing, how did I not think of that? Straight onto amazon!

OP posts:
JemimaTiggywinkle · 10/10/2020 06:30

Have you (or he) asked his mum if it would be possible to turn the heating down?

Original poster
fairynick · 10/10/2020 06:36

Should mention she’s really lovely and approachable, so she’ll turn the heating down if we ask and it’s just on for warmth, but once or twice a week she’ll be drying clothes overnight and the heating is non negotiable, won’t even turn it down a slight bit for some reason. Guess it’s her house...

OP posts:
Original poster
fairynick · 10/10/2020 06:37

It’s almost like a warning signal, if I walk in the house and there’s clothes on the radiator I know I’m in for a rough night Grin

OP posts:
madcatladyforever · 10/10/2020 06:52

My parents have their heating on so high its like a tropical hothouse. I can't stay there overnight. It makes me feel ill.

RowanAlong · 10/10/2020 06:54

Sounds like she needs her son to buy her a dryer for Christmas (condensing kind that doesn’t need a vent). ‘We thought it would save you so much bother draping things on radiators Mum...’. 🤣 Maybe club together?

FippertyGibbett · 10/10/2020 06:56

I couldn’t sleep if the heating was on all night either.
Just sleep at your house, you don’t have to be together 24/7.

Qwertywerty3 · 10/10/2020 06:57

This reply has been deleted

Withdrawn at the user's request

Original poster
fairynick · 10/10/2020 07:08

@RowanAlong that actually might not be a bad idea 😂

@FippertyGibbett we are not together 24/7, nor intend to be, unsure whether my posts have that image. I can’t visit there and then go home and stay at mine, would be a three hour round trip which I’m unwilling to do for a day trip. Currently living in separate cities but see each other Friday-Monday atm- if that’s relevant (it isn’t).
@Qwertywerty3 the barking is from inside! 😭 but yes, earplugs are definitely going to be given a go!

OP posts:
Bohemond · 10/10/2020 07:12

You can usually still turn radiators off even if they don’t have a dial thermostat.

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