To ask how you do it all

[toiletpaper]

I'm a single mother to two lovely kids, have a FT job working three 12.5 hour shifts a week, have a dog and have to run a house all on my own. How do people manage to do it all, and more, successfully? I don't often have energy to make a hearty good meal and simple stuff like washing dishes, laundry and hoovering I find a chore (no pun intended). I wonder sometimes if it's a case of not being able to cope with it all and maybe there's a hint of depression but I don't want to trivialise the horrors of real depression if it's not. I'd love to be able to make some sort of rota for house jobs as I think that would help but I work shifts all over the place so that wouldn't work. I'd also love to be able to drop to two shifts a week as I think it would help but don't think I could afford it.

Some tips or advice would be much appreciated!

How old are your children? Important information!

Sorry I forgot to add that! DS is 10 and DD is 7.

Yes, we need to know ages.
I cope by cutting corners! No ironing at all, for example. Hard and fast rule for the DC that I only wash one set of clothes per person per day. You don’t get to change clothes on a whim and expect everything cleaned. Sheets and pillow cases changed every week, duvet covers every two weeks except in hot, sticky weather.
And - this is where the ages of the kids are relevant - the DC sort out their own shite. They empty school bags, throw out rubbish from packed lunches. No shite is left lying around - everything packed away in dishwasher or whatever after meals - because we do not have a downstairs staff and are never like to have one!
I work really hard on the running of this house but I am nobody’s maid.

Kids can be washing and drying.
Pre-chopped veges and slow-cooker?
Washing - kids can load the washing machine. I tend to, when working full-time, put a load of clothes on every night, and a load of sheets in the morning, to be put in the dryer, or on the rack as soon as we get in.
Can you spring for a robo-vac?

A cleaner can be the best money ever spent.

Outsourcing something like the cleaning makes life so much easier.

I would love a cleaner but I live in an area which is built up but doesn't have a lot in the way of resources of that kind. Although if I had a good look I'm sure I could find one. Robovac - probably can't afford for a few months with Christmas looming.

All great ideas, thank you. The kids are always saying they want to help when I do housework so I'll get them in on the act this weekend

Sometimes it's a case of trying to get my butt off the settee. I've started taking multivitamins and kalms in the hope it'll help me with the motivational factor.

Following for inspiration/answers OP.

Also single, with 2 dc, 5 and under. Work part time 3 days a week, cat, and ponies to look after.

Cleaning - I do like the TOMM app. Half an hour a day. Works well for me, I dobt do it every day but double up the next day.

Bedding - once a fortnight. Might need to be more when DSs are older.

Starting to batch cook a little bit. Not loads but if I do Bolognese, chilli, curry, shepherds pie etc, I make double the amount and freeze half.

OP, are you taking vitamin D? I've got a bit of a vitamin cocktail going on - a pro-biotic, Vit D, magnesium and B12, and I have to say it's worked wonders. Vitamin D is recommended from October to March in the UK.

Robo-vac - would this be a good present for the children to get you?!

Similar position, kids are 8&10, no pets. 3 bed with 2 large gardens. Work 4 full days and also I'm a school governor (must learn to say no) I do 1 x full clean once a week, about 2 hours. Then try and do a bit each night. Clean and tidy keeps me saine.

I keep meals simple, spag bol, chilli, sausage and mash etc. Try and pad out with veg etc, but some days its just beige that passes their lips!!

I have a cleaner once a fortnight for a couple of hours for a big clean then I just top up in between cleans. A good quality washer/dryer and dishwasher (I sacrificed separate washer and dryer to get the dishwasher as dishes hidden away make the kitchen much tidier). Slow cooker for meals and get a big one and double the quantity of a recipe for easy batch cooking. Don’t feel guilty about the odd ready meal/freezer beige tea kids love it and it’s easy. Giving the kids set jobs helps my 4 year old knows how to bring his dishes to the dishwasher after breakfast/tea, clothes go into washing basket before bath time etc. I tend to do lots of small quick washes as I find it easier to keep on top of it that way put it in overnight hang up the next morning. I don’t buy anything that needs ironed and try and get stuff that can be tumble dried if necessary. Some days I just accept I can’t be arsed to do anything a bit of mess doesn’t do any harm and lie on the sofa watching some crap tele with a cuppa/glass of wine when the small ones are in bed. My children’s godmother is also awesome and once a week has us for tea to give me a night off from cooking etc and she baths the little ones so when we get home straight into bed.
Ultimately I don’t think many people actually manage to do it all and more single handedly. I now have a much more useful DP compared to the ex husband (Although he works away for half the month) but even with 2 of us and a bit of outsourcing some weeks for whatever reason it just doesn’t happen! Don’t put too much pressure on yourself!

I'm not a single parent, but could I timidly suggest, realise you are one person trying to do the work of at least two, and don't try to do it all/be it all? I'm pretty damned sure that you are doing your best, and your best is good enough.

Having a 2hr blitz each week like a lot of people I know doesn't work for me as it seems a huge mountain to climb & I have the attention span of a gnat . So do it as you go along, then it becomes automatic & not a chore. Hoover or dust 1 room each day, in the ad breaks. Clean surfaces or kitchen cupboard doors ir floir while kettle boils, while baths running clean loo or bathroom floor,when you leave any room do a 2min declutter of cups,plates,toys etc. Only 1crate of toys downstairs. Anything not played with in 6months ,charity shop. Children do their rooms under supervision. Work to your srengths, & your situation & you won't feel overwhelmed.

Well my circumstances are entirely different.

My husbands does 50% of everything at home, I have a cleaner and I also pay someone to do the ironing.

Sorry didn’t complete

Obviously you’re a single mum but could you outsource anything like cleaning/ironing etc to free up time?

What about slow cooker meals?

Well my circumstances are entirely different.

My husbands does 50% of everything at home, I have a cleaner and I also pay someone to do the ironing.

So you have sweet fuck all of relevance to add?

You literally ARE doing it all. As a single working mother to two DC you're superwoman. Give yourself a break OP. Take shortcuts where you can and don't sweat the small stuff. You're no doubt rocking it

What others said. Give yourself a break - sounds like you are doing loads.

My two pennies worth:
Do you live somewhere safe enough the 10 year old could walk the dog?

Try TOMM
Google the Batch Lady and if you have space get a freezer
Do YNAB for finances. Takes a lot of stress away.

Beaten by 2 minutes. TOMM! And you're doing all the work, don't beat yourself up. The kids are old enough to have 'jobs' and get stuck in helping.

@mbosnz I'm not sure that's a helpful contribution.

A game changer for me was a kitchen noticeboard, daily timetable with the cleaning of the rooms spread out evenly over 7 days. As you're on shift could you have eg a fortnightly timetable so you use whichever timetable suits your shift that week? I planned it so on the really busy days I choose smaller rooms to clean. And yes to a slow cooker, anything that helps make your life easier! And when you have 5 mins spare, do something like load the dishwasher, dust the living room, or just sit and relax! Also could you make a smaller more colourful timetable with the kids so they 'own' certain jobs and get pocket money at the end of the week for it?

Yup, take shortcuts wherever possible.
Meal plan super-easy food. Sod batch cooking, just do really easy things like jackets, omlettes and freezer food. As long as they get their fruit and veg they'll be fine.

Bribe the 10yo to do hoovering. Get them both in the habit of emptying/filling dishwasher. Lower your standards and try not to worry. As others have said you're doing the work of two people, so you need to go easy on yourself.

Try also to socialise and chat/have a drink with friends as much as restrictions allow, for your own sanity

Where is your chidren's father OP?

Thanks all, I am hard on myself I've always been that way. I agree with the pp who said to do it in small chunks. I'm definitely not one of those who can spend like 2/3 hours cleaning in one go as I really don't enjoy it.

My kids father and I are separated because he was a waste of time father, I was a single mother just the same when we lived together as I did everything. Not sure why it's relevant where he is tbh.

I spoke to DD earlier and asked if she would help me with chores tomorrow and she was jumping for joy excited! So it should be a fun day tomorrow after a good nights sleep

You can only do what you can do. Don't put yourself under so much pressure. No one can do it all no matter what they say.

I f sometimes you are too tired, then so what. There is always tomorrow.

My DC are smaller but one tip I have that's made my life considerably easier is that I've stopped thinking I HAD to make a hot dinner from scratch every day, and it's actually relieved so much stress from me. I always found getting dinner on the table after work really stressful, as they always tend to fall apart at that time of the day and i'd end up cross with a toddler hanging off my leg crying and whinging... ughhh!

So I decided I only "have" to cook a proper dinner four nights per week and on the other days it's optional. I spent ages yesterday cooking a lovely meal from scratch, perfectly balanced, plenty of veggies - they barely ate any of it! Today they had beans on toast and a smoothie - they lapped it all up. My point being they actually get way more of their 5 a day on the lazy days so why go through the stress?! Pack a smoothie full of veg (spinach, carrot, avocado etc are all inoffensive when mixed with some berries/banana) and spend the extra time playing/relaxing with them instead of being stressed. Or use the extra time for a quick clean.

What is this TOMM app please ?