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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Reported to social services by coworker

434 replies

UnsocialServiced · 09/10/2020 17:39

My frankly bonkers coworker has reported me to SS because she is concerned about my 3 old. I was wfh last week because my DS had a slight temperature. Whilst he was home and I was working he had a day of watching films. (3 films in one day). I'm not saying it was great parenting but I was in the next room could hear him at all times. He also kept coming into chat with me and play in between working etc. Anyway Coworker told me today that she was concerned about DS being ignored and felt she had no choice but to pass her concerns on. What will happen now?

OP posts:
OhTheRoses · 09/10/2020 19:49

After dd took an od and A&E reported it to ss, she was 17 and a&E couldn't be arsed to phone me for five hours, I got a call five days later from a duty social worker who couldn't actually speak good enough English to make himself understood. He asked, after a fashion if the family would like support and when I asked what support there was didn't know or didn't have a good enough grasp of English to understand or explain. I made a formal complaint, on a variety of levels to a variety of organisations.

Document and challenge any contact op and be an excellent advocate for yourself and your child.

God help any child who really does need help. The system is gobsmackingly incompetent. I don't particularly blame the social worker who phoned me up but I do blame the idiots who appointed someone totally ill equipped to do the job.

It is actually terrifying

Original poster
UnsocialServiced · 09/10/2020 19:50

I will email my manager first thing Monday. I actually don't think she was malicious but as some of you have said that is not the point. Hopefully Social Services will be happy if they do need to come and see us. DS is a lovely, bright happy little soul.

OP posts:
InFiveMins · 09/10/2020 19:52

She's done it to be malicious. Social services won't do anything because you've done nothing wrong. I'd report her to your manager for overstepping the mark.

lottiequeen · 09/10/2020 19:54

I've worked as a social worker in Children's Services.

Is your child fed, clean, loved, stimulated? Then please don't worry. The threshold won't even be met for SS involvement.

However, your colleague sounds naive - lacking judgement - and for this reason, I'd contact your line manager and advise that her action has potential detrimental impact on productive working relations. She needs to be brought up to speed about boundaries, parameters. I'd want this recorded. So, in your next appraisal, discuss it with your line manager - or if it's not soon, advise that she needs to be spoken to regarding inappropriate actions. Ask if your manager can have a word, but make sure you follow up the request in writing, via email.

JeanClaudeVanDammit · 09/10/2020 19:54

Even if well-meaning this is not reasonable behaviour. I would definitely make a complaint about her via my manager.

RollingWithMyGnomie · 09/10/2020 19:55

Sounds a bit bonkers OP I’m sure nothing with be done and hope the replies have put your mind at rest.

I have a thread about SS in 30 days only at the mo where they’ve potentially gone over board but from my limited experience with them in a work capacity this is absolutely a non issue.

Hope it all gets sorted for you soon

PasstheBucket89 · 09/10/2020 19:55

Thats very invasive behaviour, i second formally complaining, its definitely not acceptable, dont let it slide OP! it raises safety issues with having cameras on in workers home with children present.

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 09/10/2020 19:57

OP I think I didn't actually acknowledge that it is really stressful and horrible to have a SS referral made about you - I've been in that boat and it really upset me. Don't feel you just need to brush through it.

MJMG2015 · 09/10/2020 19:59

@FTMF30

Not sure what will happen now. But that was a bit neglectful tbh. You shouldn't be working with a 3yo at home. I'm not exactly blaming you as parents (mostly mums!) have been put in impossible situations due to covid. I can see how it would have come across to your colleague and why she would be concerned, not enough to warrant a call to SS though.

My guess is they'll not take the report any further or do ahome visit to check all is well. That is an uneducated guess though.

Oh do be serious !

You're right about one thing! It's an uneducated guess!

NiceGerbil · 09/10/2020 20:00

Bloody hell.

Who the fuck does that?

I mean if she was genuinely worried then discussing it with HR or a shared manager would be the thing to do.

Although there is zero to worry about obviously.

No. Going straight to SS is totally outrageously out of order

Minimumstandard · 09/10/2020 20:01

She is absolutely nuts. It's also fairly offensive to children who are actually neglected... Does she not understand that there are children who are in genuinely difficult situations who still don't meet the threshold for intervention - poverty, insufficient food, poor cleanliness, lacking affection and appropriate discipline, living in cold and dirty houses. It actually beggars belief that she thinks too much screen time for a happy, loved and safe child is the threshold at which social services should intervene.

MJMG2015 · 09/10/2020 20:01

@LadyIronDragon

I can understand you must be angry and worried. I'd be utterly furious about that. So sorry that has happened to you. If it's any consolation that sounds completely normal for a toddler under the weather and you WFH. Like you say, not exactly ideal but hardly long term neglect.

Firstly with SS, let them do their thing (if they decide to go that far!) Possibly a phone call from someone to see how you're coping will be as much as they need. Best thing you can do is be calm and cooperative and let them make their assessment.

Secondly I would speak to someone senior at your work and let them know that this has happened and make a record of it in writing. It's not normal behaviour to do that to a colleague (and tell you about?!) and I'd want to be sure there was a record in case it forms a pattern of behaviour. It's possible she behaves maliciously to others and it will take someone more senior to put it all together.

That's what I'd be doing anyway.

^this!

Don't let it upset you or spoil your weekend!!

She's batshit!

ButDoYouAvocado · 09/10/2020 20:02

OMG this didn’t happen to me today too

Cracklycaramel · 09/10/2020 20:03

Someone reported us to SS as we let our primary aged children play in the park without an adult. Park is 30 seconds from our house and dh was checking on them every 10 mins.

SS just rang, said there had been a report but they regarded it as completely normal and we weren't to worry about it. Didn't even speak to me.

Mamascoven · 09/10/2020 20:06

You have not been neglectful at all! What else were you to do. I would take this further if I was you and speak to your manager or HR. What an awful person.

zoomzoghedgehog · 09/10/2020 20:07

Well fuck me it's really neglectful to earn a living to provide a roof our our kids heads and food in their belly?! It outrageous what she has done. Shall we all say fuck it let's not work and be homeless because that's the right thing instead of putting a tv on for a child!

MosesRoses · 09/10/2020 20:11

I would have sat in the same room with my 3 year old, popping out for brief calls if needed or worked half a day.

theboardgame · 09/10/2020 20:13

@UnsocialServiced

She called me. Saying she couldn't sleep for worrying and asked if there was anything she could do. She said she was worried the pressure to work was meaning I was neglecting DS and that she had let SS know so I could be offered the right support. I actually didn't say much in reply. I was just shocked. It's only now I'm furious and worried.
Does she has Mental Health Issues?
mrsmummy1111 · 09/10/2020 20:14

What the actual fuck

Tell her to fuck off and mind her own business and report her to HR for bullying 🤣

NiceandCalm · 09/10/2020 20:14

Years ago my dog bit my DS, not badly. Took him to the Dr's as wasn't sure if he needed a tetanus jab. All was fine but the Dr told me he'd have to report to SS. I was shi**ing myself. I got a call, discussed what had happened, safeguarding issues going forward (elderly dog, taken to vets, was in pain from tooth decay - sorted). Anyway, SS couldn't have been nicer. Happy not to take it any further. No home visit, no demands to have dog put down.
I know it's not the same but what you have described in a non-event and I doubt you'd even get a call.
Agree with other PP's, report to manager. If your college was that concerned, she could have taken that route also.

RHOBHfan · 09/10/2020 20:15

Not sure what will happen now. But that was a bit neglectful tbh.

As the mother of two adopted children who were severely neglected for 2 years before there was enough evidence to remove them, I am sure what will happen next. Absolutely sod all. As IF social services have the time to investigate this...

And fuck off with ‘a bit neglectful’. As an isolated incident it’s absolutely nothing of the sort and to paint it as being such is completely offensive to a lot of hardworking parents and children who actually do suffer neglect, to say nothing of being completely scaremongering.

DrinkFeckArseGirls · 09/10/2020 20:15

Dis she report half of working parents during the lockdown? 🙄

Wheneverwhereve · 09/10/2020 20:15

Honestly social service have much bigger things to deal with and this is a non issue so pls don’t worry - she’s a d**k and I’d like to see how she’d cope in the current situation wfh with a little one!

notapigeon · 09/10/2020 20:15

I think the really really important thing here is to report your colleague to your line manager and/or HR. They can not advise her of the unacceptable behaviour, or make any links with any other complaints, if they don't know what she has done.

Goodness knows what she has done to other people (in the guise of "meaning well"). It is irrational behaviour.

In terms of SS, this happened to my friend once - her own mother put in a malicious report (they're estranged). Nothing came of it.

Toothsil · 09/10/2020 20:17

SS won't be interested. I reported someone for actual real concerns - bruises, screaming at her 4 young children, bringing a string of inappropriate men into the house with the children there, some of whom wandered around naked in front of the children, others who were on drugs and violent. SS didn't even visit her, she managed to wriggle out of it on the phone.

I'd be furious with your colleague and would be telling HR or your line manager.

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