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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Reported to social services by coworker

434 replies

UnsocialServiced · 09/10/2020 17:39

My frankly bonkers coworker has reported me to SS because she is concerned about my 3 old. I was wfh last week because my DS had a slight temperature. Whilst he was home and I was working he had a day of watching films. (3 films in one day). I'm not saying it was great parenting but I was in the next room could hear him at all times. He also kept coming into chat with me and play in between working etc. Anyway Coworker told me today that she was concerned about DS being ignored and felt she had no choice but to pass her concerns on. What will happen now?

OP posts:
mumwon · 09/10/2020 19:17

@islockdownoveryet
I was joking!!!! next time I will add a grin

Sevo7 · 09/10/2020 19:18

I really wouldn’t worry, during lockdown when the schools and nurseries were closed I was speaking to Social services on an almost daily basis. The majority of the time my toddler decided that was the best time to start screaming or climbing on the window, I was constantly apologising and embarrassed but they would just laugh and say don’t worry mines the same or been on the ipad all day etc. I would be amazed if you heard anything from social services as it’s is so below the threshold for intervention I’d be surprised if the Duty worker even passed it on tbh!

StayClosePooky · 09/10/2020 19:18

Social worker here. My kids were in front of the telly during for most of the pandemic. Should I report myself to my manager? Agree with other posters, needs addressing at work.

Nottherealslimshady · 09/10/2020 19:20

I would hope they tell her off for wasting time when there are children falling through the net who are actually being abused.

likeafishneedsabike · 09/10/2020 19:25

I totally see why people are saying you should go down an official Complaint route, and good luck with it if You do. However, in your shoes I think I would refuse to give it any headspace. She’s clearly got a very, very odd world view and means of operating. SS won’t care anyway, you still have a job and your DS is perfectly safe. All is well in your world and this person is probably just someone to pity and avoid beyond essential communication.

BilboBercow · 09/10/2020 19:26

Are you planning on raising a grievance op? Even if colleague wasn't being malicious, she needs to know this isn't acceptable.

tsmainsqueeze · 09/10/2020 19:27

Hi i saw someone called your action neglectful , no its not !!! you were doing what a million women do every day ,being stretched in many directions.
Leaving the child home alone is neglect , not being in the next room.
There are plenty of moms at home working or not who let their 3 year old kids watch films, I've done it myself for some peace !
I doubt that this will come to much ,a phone call maybe .
Your busy body colleague needs to keep her nose out , i bet she's perfect.

Kljnmw3459 · 09/10/2020 19:27

Raise it formally with your work definitely. You don't know what your coworker will do next.

WeavingWandering · 09/10/2020 19:29

In some places, they are required to follow up with an assessment. But they will then close if there’s nothing to worry about.

InescapableDeath · 09/10/2020 19:31

@FTMF30 you could just say sorry.

Would love to see an antagonistic poster admit they made a mistake for once. You’ve really kicked someone while down.

ithinkiveseenthisfilmbefore · 09/10/2020 19:32

She's a bitch.

I'd complain to HR, actually. Bullying behaviour that actually could cause you massive headaches ... and force you to take time off from work to deal with it.

OhTheRoses · 09/10/2020 19:35

Uncollegiate behaviour. If she were that worried she should have offered to babysit.

As a manager of a large team, I'd be unimpressed! I'd pick it up through appraisal and objectives: team working, professional boundaries.

She isn't a MNet Atrocious Cnut; she's just a Cnut!

KhaliTheCat · 09/10/2020 19:37

I really wouldn't worry OP, I can't get social services to investigate my children's dad being abusive during contact so I very much doubt they will be interested in a poorly three year old watching tv all day. As you say, it's not ideal, but it's a one off, and especially in these times, it's not going to be that uncommon right now...

Hairdyehell · 09/10/2020 19:37

Unfortunately the lack of normal routine & social contact has left some people with far too much time on their hands. This loser clearly hasn’t enough to keep her busy and is sticking her nose in your business.
If your child is:

  1. fed
  2. clothed
  3. happy
  4. supervised
  5. developing appropriately according to usual milestones. then you can comfortably tell her to go fuck herself

Social services will think she is a nut.

CHIRIBAYA · 09/10/2020 19:37

All very well saying social workers will not progress a case but if a safeguarding concern has been raised they will have to investigate it and you might be surprised to find how this can come back to haunt you at some point. Who the hell needs this extra stress?

S111n20 · 09/10/2020 19:38

StayClosePooky

Social worker here. My kids were in front of the telly during for most of the pandemic. Should I report myself to my manager? Agree with other posters, needs addressing at work.

Hopefully that will put your mind at rest.

ZezetteEpouseX · 09/10/2020 19:38

@FTMF30

Not sure what will happen now. But that was a bit neglectful tbh. You shouldn't be working with a 3yo at home. I'm not exactly blaming you as parents (mostly mums!) have been put in impossible situations due to covid. I can see how it would have come across to your colleague and why she would be concerned, not enough to warrant a call to SS though.

My guess is they'll not take the report any further or do ahome visit to check all is well. That is an uneducated guess though.

I am sorry WHAT?

To keep in the spirit of MN, are you on glue?

toffeekiwi · 09/10/2020 19:43

@UnsocialServiced

I am worried SS are going to cause trouble. I also don't want anything to do with coworker again I know this isn't rational but I'm so upset she thinks I have been neglectful.
I can't imagine that they are going to be even mildly interested unless he's watching x-rated films. Your colleague is stirring the proverbial.
Karenkanta · 09/10/2020 19:43

safeguarding concern has been raised they will have to investigate

At the very most it will be a phone call and case closed.

whatsyournamenow · 09/10/2020 19:46

@FTMF30 what would you suggest should happen during a global pandemic? In the spirit of mumsnet you're batshit crazy!

@ZezetteEpouseX mine new every word to some films, because they chose them all the time to watch.... two well adjusted adults... so fucking hang me?

You're fine, but hopefully SS will be looking closely your colleague.

Intersmellar · 09/10/2020 19:47

Social worker here- I don’t think you have anything to be concerned about from a social services perspective. They might check in with you (I doubt it though).
I would not put any more energy into worrying about that .
Your colleagues perception on what is classed as neglectful is extremely lacking.

makingmammaries · 09/10/2020 19:47

Like others, I think you should raise a grievance at work. Apart from anything else, participants in Teams calls have an implicit duty of confidentiality regarding what they see of others’ private lives. If she was seriously worried, she should have double-checked with another participant before taking information to SS. Not that SS is going to act on it.

grandmasterstitch · 09/10/2020 19:48

She sounds mad. I'm pregnant with a 2 year old and have barely had a break from parenting since March. Today we watched (age appropriate) crap on YouTube most of the day. Do I feel guilty? A bit. Do I think he'll be in any way negatively impacted? No. She needs to keep her beak out. I bet she'd have been the first to point out, out of concern of course, that you weren't at the zoom meeting because of your sick child. Agree with PPs about reporting her to HR

ReneeRol · 09/10/2020 19:48

I would make a formal complaint about her for making malicious allegations and harrassment. Don't let her get away with it. She's one of lifes shit stirrers.

itsmschanandlerbong · 09/10/2020 19:48

SS won't even follow this up. We don't just go around looking for families to annoy, we are busy enough.