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Original poster

Reported to social services by coworker

434 replies

UnsocialServiced · 09/10/2020 17:39

My frankly bonkers coworker has reported me to SS because she is concerned about my 3 old. I was wfh last week because my DS had a slight temperature. Whilst he was home and I was working he had a day of watching films. (3 films in one day). I'm not saying it was great parenting but I was in the next room could hear him at all times. He also kept coming into chat with me and play in between working etc. Anyway Coworker told me today that she was concerned about DS being ignored and felt she had no choice but to pass her concerns on. What will happen now?

OP posts:
WhitePumpkin · 09/10/2020 20:18

She's unhinged at best and a down right bully at worst. I don't have children and unless they were being murdered in cold blood in front of me I would never DREAM of judging someone's parenting!! I know little about parenting but it's glaringly obvious you are a good and loving parent.

A common tactic for bullies is 'well meaning' comments 'out of concern.' She is a bully who has made a false malicious allegation. OP you need to report her to your workplace and you know it.

DrinkFeckArseGirls · 09/10/2020 20:18

ButDoYouAvocado Grin

You never know, people are batshit!

beingajen · 09/10/2020 20:19

3 child's films at 90 minutes each (likely length) is 4.5 hours. When a 3 year old happily gets up at 6am just for kicks (or is that mine), that's a small proportion of your day with them. So you've probably entertained them for another 9 hours that day. Before I had children I did not realise how long the days could be for Mums. Your a full time entertainer. She likely does not appreciate that.

And yes, that seems like a huge breach of Teams protocol, without her trying to collect any other opinions/evidence to justify her POV. Definitely discuss this with the company. And I would say for a period of time you are not happy for her to be on discussion board with you until you are happy the matter is closed with SS and/or she has been shown to act in an adult, empathetic (because she does lack empathy here) and professional matter with your information and company data.

FreezerBird · 09/10/2020 20:20

I'd love to know what resources she thinks ss have to support you in this situation.

Serin · 09/10/2020 20:24

Well done OP for having a 3 year old who is calm and secure enough to watch films by himself.
I would love SS to tell her what they really think of her.

gingerwhinger0 · 09/10/2020 20:25

If she had genuine concerns she could have took it to your employer, from the persective that its not you being neglectful , but you have been put in a difficult position trying to work and look after a 3 year old at the same time.
Offering a solution perhaps flexible working for parents etc.
Unless she is thick, or bat shit phoning SS is such a nasty thing to do and you should speak to HR about her malicious report.

misskick · 09/10/2020 20:26

She sounds crazy. They will laugh at her concerns I'm sure. Put in a complaint at work

Feefifo9 · 09/10/2020 20:28

@Itsonlymakebelieve

My job for a local authority involves taking child welfare calls from concerned members of the public. We do get random people idiots wasting our time making these type of calls We have to listen carefully to these calls in case there is a genuine cause for concern buried somewhere in the nonsense. We would take the details down pass them on to a duty worker who’s eyes would be rolling so hard they might even fall out of their head, they would phone the complainer back to double check there are no real concerns being raised and thank the person for calling ( we really want to encourage calls with real concerns) say that they won’t hear back for confidential reasons If anything comes of their report and nothing further would happen if the family were not already known to SW. Leaving your child safely watching TV is not a cause for concern, if your colleague knew the type of genuinely concerning reports we did receive they wouldn’t be wasting the time of the hard pressed SW services.
I totally understand why you don't want to discourage people calling about genuine safeguarding issues, but the problem with that is the bonkers people don't get any feedback that their 'radar' is off and what the actual threshold is. So they continue to go around causing pain and worry because of ignorance and inexperience.
AstiniMartini · 09/10/2020 20:33

I used to work in child protection.

My DCs (11 and 9) have spent the vast majority of the pandemic watching films and I bought a playstation so they could be occupoied while i was on conference calls.

Did I feel guilty? yes, of course. But frankly we do what we have to do and I certainylk was in no posiiton to stop work and take leave without pay or quite for the past 6 months.

AstiniMartini · 09/10/2020 20:33

*quit

Al1Langdownthecleghole · 09/10/2020 20:34

I swore before I had children I would never use the TV as a babysitter.

Funny what a dose of toddler reality does for you isn’t it?

Shizzlestix · 09/10/2020 20:36

@FTMF30 shouldn’t be working with her child at home? You do know we’re having a pandemic and had 6 months of nurseries etc being closed. How do you think people worked from home with dc at home? Slight dilemma going on there.

I’d talk to HR on Monday and be quite rightly raging. Stupid, stupid woman.

Anurulz · 09/10/2020 20:38

Honestly SS will roll their eyes at this phone call and forget about it in my opinion. I agree with the PP who recommend raising it with your manager or HR. I get Safeguarding, honest to God I do, but a 3 year old watching 3 films while the parent is in the other room is hardly cause to raise alarm.. everyone is WFH for pity's sake.. my one year old would be jumping on my laptop if he didn't get entertained. So if I put nursery rhymes on so that I can work for 15 minutes in peace, that's not neglect. And neither is what you did.

Anurulz · 09/10/2020 20:39

@Al1Langdownthecleghole

I swore before I had children I would never use the TV as a babysitter.

Funny what a dose of toddler reality does for you isn’t it?

Oh absolutely agree!! It taught me to say never say never..
TheGoodEnoughWife · 09/10/2020 20:43

Another voice agreeing SS will do very little since your working strategy during this weird time sounds about right!
A safe, fed, cared for child watching a day of TV is not neglect. It is one of those days!

I also echo others with reporting your colleague to HR. Really out of order for her to do what she has done. You don't need that sort of hassle when just trying to do your job.

SlayDuggee · 09/10/2020 20:45

I don’t understand what your childless co-worker thought you should be doing. Your 3 year old was a bit poorly with a temp. They probably needed a day on the sofa/in bed watching tv/not doing very much. As you said you regularly checked in on him and he checked in with you as you were working so it wasn’t like he was ignored, starved and locked in his bedroom for 8 hours!

Volcanicorange · 09/10/2020 20:48

She's jealous you got a day working from home because of your child and put the boot in.

I'd complain to HR about her - say she's harassing you with malicious social services reports and phone calls. Which is true

OhTheRoses · 09/10/2020 20:49

TBF although are case was closed after the phone call the social worker who called me was not polit, nice or respectful. It was a foul experience and I'm quite sure he hasn't yet finished wiping the shit off his shoe. I did complain though and Surrey Social Services were very apologetic.

Had my young person been in need of support that call however would not have helped her.

It is genuinely terrifying to think that children in danger are subjected to a level of sub standard services. It's quite breathtaking and the worry is that some of these people are in a position to make life changing judgements.

DeliciouslyFemale · 09/10/2020 20:50

Stop lying, OP. Your child couldn’t have been watching the tv for @ nine hours! He’s three!

He would have watched bits of tv, picked his nose, rolled around on the floor, tried to see if he could stand on his head, looked out the window to see if there’s any dogs, licked the tv when there was sweets/cakes to see if he could taste them, them pestered you in between times. Or was that just mine, when they were younger? 😳😁

I guarantee that your co worker will find that no one will discuss their families in front of her, after this. She’s a twat. Are you sure she hasn’t done to get at you? Are you on the same level? Does she comment on the quality of your work? Are there any promotions or extra hours being talked about. I honestly don’t think she had any concerns about your child. No one can be that stupid.

WorksTheDinerAllDay · 09/10/2020 20:50

I work for social services. We're all still working from home and our kids are watching a lot of TV.

StayClosePooky · 09/10/2020 20:54

You say that you don't think she did it maliciously but I disagree. Of course we all have a responsibly if we have genuine REAL concerns about a child but she's done something quite vindictive without understanding how social services work in the hope it will create a whole shower of shit for you. This pandemic has been crap, especially for working mothers. No wonder we're all burnt out (or maybe just me Grin)

scotsllb · 09/10/2020 20:58

What a nasty piece of work your colleague is.
I would absolutely be reporting her and as for her calling you again to say she couldn't sleep?
I don't knew how you stayed calm but well done for doing so.
Your doing great by the way. Working from home with a 3 year old is tough

UniversalAunt · 09/10/2020 20:59

I strongly suggest that you approach HR ASAP, because it sounds to me that she is the one struggling to cope with these extraordinary times, & has interpreted some everyday safe parenting as soothing else. She is projecting her angst etc onto you rather than dealing with the fundamental problem she has ( e.g. loneliness, isolation, COVID angst, unresolved parental neglect etc). She has the sticky lollipop, not you.

By raising this with your HR team, they have a duty of care to find out what her true concerns are & offer her a referral to employee assistance.

I very very much doubt this is the case, but she may meddle further. So it is important to flag this incident up.

SS have far far more urgent & important cases to attend to.

scotsllb · 09/10/2020 20:59

@Al1Langdownthecleghole

I swore before I had children I would never use the TV as a babysitter.

Funny what a dose of toddler reality does for you isn’t it?

Haha same!!!
fastandthecurious · 09/10/2020 21:00

God my DS and I had a film day the other day even though I haven't been working from home (me & DH have been doing opposite shifts so we don't have to rely on family childcare just in case) frankly I was knackered. He's far from neglected 😂 I'd be absolutely livid and I'd be escalating it higher up to my boss if I were you as it sounds like a malicious report!