Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Reported to social services by coworker

434 replies

UnsocialServiced · 09/10/2020 17:39

My frankly bonkers coworker has reported me to SS because she is concerned about my 3 old. I was wfh last week because my DS had a slight temperature. Whilst he was home and I was working he had a day of watching films. (3 films in one day). I'm not saying it was great parenting but I was in the next room could hear him at all times. He also kept coming into chat with me and play in between working etc. Anyway Coworker told me today that she was concerned about DS being ignored and felt she had no choice but to pass her concerns on. What will happen now?

OP posts:
ScrapThatThen · 09/10/2020 18:48

Well I mean they do a single assessment of I am lucky, then they offer voluntary opt in options to the parents which they don't do.

BoomShackalaka · 09/10/2020 18:49

@FTMF30 Lots of parents in current times are having to juggle WFH and children when they would normally be in the office with no DC around. The OP is fulfilling her work duties as contracted, not shooting up Meth in the kitchen.

Facelikearustytractor · 09/10/2020 18:49

Don't worry. My ex-childminder did this and I spoke to my health visitor who thought she was an utter fruitcake. She said my son wasn't developing and had a tongue tie (he was developing fine and has breastfed like a dream - he is just extremely messy with food). They also said that many kids development had slowed a bit while being at home with WFH parents during lockdown, so considering that he was doing well and they wouldn't regard you having to work while kids are at home as neglectful. SS will just call you and offer support, as then close the case.

You should speak to your boss though. They might be interested to know that one of their employees is reporting other staff for doing their work. I would be fuming if I was your boss. Everyone's work situation is hard enough as it is right now.

winterchills · 09/10/2020 18:50

What a weird woman. You need to raise this with work! What else was you meant to do. Cheeky cow

cansu · 09/10/2020 18:51

She is a complete idiot. I would actually tell her that you regard her behaviour as so far out of what would be considered normal and reasonable that you are reporting her to HR. I would put this in writing to her and would make it clear that she is not to contact you unless it is related to work matters. I'd be very tempted to say that you are concerned that she is herself unwell to be taking such action based on a three year old watching some TV during a day at home unwell.

amusedtodeath1 · 09/10/2020 18:52

I'm sorry but I just had to say "fuck that bitch", interfering bitch. Definitely take it further.

If that's the criteria for neglect I guarantee you there's not a parent in the world who is "fit" to raise kids.

Fuck her!!

isittimetogotobed · 09/10/2020 18:59

[quote UnsocialServiced]@isittimetogotobed so you don't think social services would be overly concerned? As I said I know it's not great parenting but there are no other concerns and nursery are happy with DS development.[/quote]
No i don't of this is the only concern raised. Obviously I don't know your family history or if you have had referrals previously etc but in isolation this would not merely the threshold for intervention of any kind.
It is best practice if she has actually made a referral for a social worker to call you and let you know but other than that, that would be it.

blackcat86 · 09/10/2020 19:00

Just jumping in to say that work in SS (albeit adults) and i can assure you this is exactly what all workers with young DC at home have been doing. Dd actually learnt a lot of counting and the alphabet from peppa and duggee. Would I have left a 3 year old in a separate room? Probably not but its a parental decision and maybe because he is nearer 4 he behaves very differently to your average 3 year old. I worked from March- July with my 2 year old at home and we were all sat in the living room. She watched too much TV and ate too many snacks but this is an emergency situation and she was still fed, watered, cleaned, housed and loved.

FizzyGreenWater · 09/10/2020 19:01

WTF?!

That is bonkers.

What will SS do - probably put your co-worker on their list of 'Nutjobs To Check On If They Also Have Kids/Ever Have Kids'

SideAfries · 09/10/2020 19:02

My kids (3&1) watched tv practically all day today, in between playing with toys by themselves/with me. & I wasn’t working! We’ve also been to music class this week, soft play, a farm, a park.

They’re fed, Safe, loved, warm & today they are couch potato's! Is it fuck neglect!
Angry

People need to keep their ridiculous expectations of parents to themselves, especially ones without children who have no fucking Idea!

Jenala · 09/10/2020 19:03

SS will have some kind of referral team triaging referrals. I doubt anything would happen at all and am 99% sure you won't even hear anything.

If she's padded out the referral with bullshit concerns about how you are coping, there's a chance someone will get in touch. It'll be a chat to see if there is any truth to that. As there isn't, they will then close and not do an assessment or anything.

Your child will not be removed from you. Unless you're one of those weird posters who then reveals a whole host of other problems(!) Doesn't sound like it though. Most social workers are female, many with kids at home trying to work. They get it.

I'm a social worker and once my child was referred due to someone raising concerns about the family member taking care of them. I had to tell my manager and senior manager and speak to the manager of the MASH team. Being a frontline worker I knew it would be fine, that 1)it was malicious and 2)didn't meet threshold anyway, but I was still terrified, so I feel for you. She's a fucking bitch without a clue.

OneEpisode · 09/10/2020 19:04

We managed to have two A&E visits (accidents) with DC1 so got a phone call. Social services were told by hospital and forwarded to our usual health visitor who phoned us. Friendly. Formality. Matter closed. DC2 didn’t have any hospital visits!

Maybe83 · 09/10/2020 19:04

This is exactly why refuse to have my camera on while I am forced to WFH with my family present.

It is a complete and utter intrusion on mine and my families personal lives.

Only for covid it wouldn't occurred as my family wouldn't be here while I am working from home.

I absolutely would report it to HR.

Namechangedforthisoct2 · 09/10/2020 19:05

I’d report her to HR for bullying!

Gobbycop · 09/10/2020 19:07

Fuck all will happen.

Babies and kids are beaten to within an inch of their lives and more and fuck all happens so you'll be golden.

Grapewrath · 09/10/2020 19:08

Social services will triage this and roll their eyes. Your coworker is a cunt.

Starksforthewin · 09/10/2020 19:09

Just set aside the Social Services nonsense for a while, OP. You know your child wasn’t neglected and that’s that.

However, you absolutely should NOT ignore the workplace issues arising from the behaviour of your co worker.

You should go quietly, professionally absolutely APESHIT at/about this colleague.
Use whatever mechanism is available to you in your workplace. Take out a formal grievance for starts. She has seriously overstepped her position in your life and has caused issues in the workplace. Do not let this become YOUR problem. Make it her problem.
I would bring down fifty tons of shit on her head, complain to every relevant manager, and take it all the way to a grievance hearing.
You might be tempted to keep it quiet because you are embarrassed. Don’t be.
Raise Merry hell and make her regret the day she opened her busybody mouth.
I would never forgive her and I would make it clear to management that she has created a hostile work environment and attempted to traduce your reputation.
If I was her Manager she would be left in no doubt of what a dim view I took of her conduct and the impact on the workplace.
Contacting SS is a serious matter. You don’t get to do that just because you think watching three films is neglect. Would two be ok? Ask her what’s the allowable number?

Bitch.

Bloops · 09/10/2020 19:09

As everyone else said, please tell HR, even if you just send them an email.
That is completely malicious and totally unnecessary. Sounds like she's jealous of you and now trying to justify being an arse hole to you.
Let us know what happens please.

S111n20 · 09/10/2020 19:09

Can tell she isn’t a parent herself. I can imagine you are so stressed and worried right now op. I suppose ss will give you a call to follow up ect as they have a duty to do so but no further action will be taken If that’s all that’s happened at home. I would 100% be complaining about her behaviour to HR. I have a 3 year old who happily sits and watching films when I’m cleaning the kitchen , making tea ect. 💐

WhereYouLeftIt · 09/10/2020 19:11

@Hopoindown31

Just because someone genuinely believes that she is doing the right thing doesn't make it reasonable behaviour. Please do raise this with your manager, who at least should be ensuring this woman is spoken to about this incident to reinforce to her that her actions were not reasonable, potentially have wasted the time of social services and caused her colleague significant unneccesary stress and that if she has any further concerns she should first raise them with her manager.

We are all having to do things that are not normal at the moment and this kind of overreaction is massively unhelpful.

This. Don't let it slide, talk to your company and yes, make your complaint official.
DontDribbleOnTheCarpet · 09/10/2020 19:11

I'm really sorry you've had to deal with this. Do you believe that she was genuinely concerned, or does it feel malicious rather than just fucking stupid?

I've been on the receiving end of a malicious complaint and it will probably never leave me (it was a more serious allegation than this) but please don't follow any instinct to hide or feel ashamed. I did for a long time even after I had proved the allegations to be both false and motivated by spite. Report this to your manager, or HR (don't have a real, grown-up job so I'm not familiar with the systems). Make it really clear that she has crossed a line.

Bigkingdom · 09/10/2020 19:12

I used to be a Social Worker. In this instance we would probably call you to find out the proper version of events and then close the case. We do have to follow it up and that doesn’t have to be a visit, well at least that was the case when i was working.

TW2013 · 09/10/2020 19:13

I don't think that you have done anything wrong. My dc (teens) have spent ages watching TV. I do wonder though if perhaps if she doesn't have children she maybe believes that it would be different if she did. I am not saying that all people without children might hold those views but I know that I was a fantastic parent, my children never ate sweets or crisps, all their toys were wooden and good for their development. They would never watch TV, just read books and draw lovely pictures. I then actually had children and realised that my fantasy children were totally unrealistic. I would talk to hr but do be aware that she might have other issues going on.

AlwaysCheddar · 09/10/2020 19:14

Tell hr so they have it in record that’s she is crazy.

Percypiglets · 09/10/2020 19:15

Definitely formal grievance needed @UnsocialServiced