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AIBU?

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Original poster

Reported to social services by coworker

434 replies

UnsocialServiced · 09/10/2020 17:39

My frankly bonkers coworker has reported me to SS because she is concerned about my 3 old. I was wfh last week because my DS had a slight temperature. Whilst he was home and I was working he had a day of watching films. (3 films in one day). I'm not saying it was great parenting but I was in the next room could hear him at all times. He also kept coming into chat with me and play in between working etc. Anyway Coworker told me today that she was concerned about DS being ignored and felt she had no choice but to pass her concerns on. What will happen now?

OP posts:
JenniferSantoro · 10/10/2020 10:23

@FTMF30

Not sure what will happen now. But that was a bit neglectful tbh. You shouldn't be working with a 3yo at home. I'm not exactly blaming you as parents (mostly mums!) have been put in impossible situations due to covid. I can see how it would have come across to your colleague and why she would be concerned, not enough to warrant a call to SS though.

My guess is they'll not take the report any further or do ahome visit to check all is well. That is an uneducated guess though.

Is that you co-worker🧐

If you think this is a bit neglectful you must have had a very sheltered life. What on earth is OP supposed to do. Give up her job in a pandemic because she has a three year old at home. Social services will not do a thing about this report, which is clearly malicious.

CatLady1987 · 10/10/2020 10:26

Completely out of order. I think SS would just laugh in her face. Could you contact the local authority and explain your concerns? Head them off at the pass, so to speak.

WFH isn’t ideal but with no other provisions, what are people supposed to do? You have a child to support! At one stage, through lockdown, childcare wasn’t even open so what did people do then? My own Health Visitor was working from home with three kids, she told me herself.

I’d definitely speak to your HR person. They’re there to support you and this is a malicious act. You were at home with your child and you were aware of where he was and checked in etc. How many people let their kids watch telly all day when they’re not working?!

Sorry you’ve had to go through this x

SRS29 · 10/10/2020 10:41

I would email your manager and cc HR definitely, she sounds horrendous OP

PandaCub7 · 10/10/2020 10:42

I’ve read your updates. I’m glad you’re emailing your manager. I would contact the HR too. This co worker is weird and needs to find a hobby.

ChaToilLeam · 10/10/2020 10:47

SS are overstretched enough dealing with situations where children are genuinely abused and neglected. I doubt you’ll even get a phone call from them, OP. I am sure they get malicious and time wasting reports all the time.

Your coworker on the other hand - making a time wasting report to the authorities and pestering you at home - definitely right to speak to HR. For whatever batshit reason, she’s got a fixation on you and it needs to stop.

LynetteScavo · 10/10/2020 10:47

Eh? I thought that's what you do with poorly toddlers put the TV on.

In those circumstancess my DC would have had a whole day of CBEEBIES. And crisps.I must be an incredibly shit parent.

At least your colleague has told you so you are aware of how much of a dick they are.

Love51 · 10/10/2020 11:13

@LynetteScavo makes a good point. The hidden blessing in all this is that you know who made the allegation so you aren't suspecting everyone you work with.

Grobagsforever · 10/10/2020 11:20

@FTMF30

Not sure what will happen now. But that was a bit neglectful tbh. You shouldn't be working with a 3yo at home. I'm not exactly blaming you as parents (mostly mums!) have been put in impossible situations due to covid. I can see how it would have come across to your colleague and why she would be concerned, not enough to warrant a call to SS though.

My guess is they'll not take the report any further or do ahome visit to check all is well. That is an uneducated guess though.

@FTMF30

Oh do jog on dear

shinynewapple2020 · 10/10/2020 11:28

I'm not sure that I agree with people here about taking action against the colleague who made the report . Surely it is right that if someone has a concern about a child they should raise it . In this case, as with many others , it won't meet threshold and no action will be taken .

People are correct of course that SS won't take any action here , and yes , this is how they are all coping working from home with their own children .

I'm just not comfortable with the idea that someone should be punished for raising a concern about a child , however naive that complaint may be .

theboardgame · 10/10/2020 11:30

@shinynewapple2020

I'm not sure that I agree with people here about taking action against the colleague who made the report . Surely it is right that if someone has a concern about a child they should raise it . In this case, as with many others , it won't meet threshold and no action will be taken .

People are correct of course that SS won't take any action here , and yes , this is how they are all coping working from home with their own children .

I'm just not comfortable with the idea that someone should be punished for raising a concern about a child , however naive that complaint may be .

I disagree. This is undermining a person working from home with children.
Bobbiepin · 10/10/2020 11:36

@FTMF30

Not sure what will happen now. But that was a bit neglectful tbh. You shouldn't be working with a 3yo at home. I'm not exactly blaming you as parents (mostly mums!) have been put in impossible situations due to covid. I can see how it would have come across to your colleague and why she would be concerned, not enough to warrant a call to SS though.

My guess is they'll not take the report any further or do ahome visit to check all is well. That is an uneducated guess though.

Oh do fuck off dear. Now 3 yo has to be at home should she quit her job and become a child centred stay at home parent? I suppose OP's needs or financial requirements are irrelevant.

You clearly have NO idea what neglect actually is. To be clear, a day watching movies whilst in a loving and safe home is not neglect. If OP hadn't fed her child all day then maybe.

Liverbird77 · 10/10/2020 11:39

Do not worry about Social Services. There will be no issues.

I echo what others have said...complain about this vile little twat to HR/your boss. Complain in writing so there's a record. It is outrageous behaviour!

YouokHun · 10/10/2020 11:41

@shinynewapple2020

I'm not sure that I agree with people here about taking action against the colleague who made the report . Surely it is right that if someone has a concern about a child they should raise it . In this case, as with many others , it won't meet threshold and no action will be taken .

People are correct of course that SS won't take any action here , and yes , this is how they are all coping working from home with their own children .

I'm just not comfortable with the idea that someone should be punished for raising a concern about a child , however naive that complaint may be .

It needs reporting because it’s a serious allegation and the reporter does need to explain her reasoning. If she has genuine concerns and has actually reported the OP to SS then she should be comfortable explaining her reasons.

I do take your point about the need to take reports of child neglect seriously and not punish whistleblowers generally, but in this case (as you comment) it sounds a silly allegation from someone with problems or malicious intent and HR needs to have a discussion with the reporter to understand her motivations and what action is required. To just leave it is unhelpful to all parties and would make the working relationship very difficult from now on if it was left I tackled. It’s not fair on @UnsocialServiced.

BTW OP (and you may have said) what sort of age group is the reporter?

Original poster
UnsocialServiced · 10/10/2020 11:49

Coworker is a woman in her mid 50s. She has very black and white/ right or wrong thinking on everything which is why I'm not sure it was malicious. Within our Team roughly half are wfh and half in the office. There is some resentment from the office side but not from college specifically so I don't think it's that.
I do think as some previous posters have said wfh and constant Team video calls does mean some blurring from home and work life. I will from now on either not putting video on/ chosing one of those fake background things and not mentioning my children.

OP posts:
incenseandpeppermints · 10/10/2020 11:51

OP - your colleague could have said anything to SS, embellished or exaggerated her ridiculously "concerns" to make them more credible. Make a subject access request to SS so you can see what information is being held about your family.
SAR template here:
ico.org.uk/your-data-matters/your-right-to-get-copies-of-your-data/preparing-and-submitting-your-subject-access-request/

LaLaLandIsNoFun · 10/10/2020 11:54

Your coworker us fucking bonkers and a nasty piece of work.

Can you find yourself another job?

siddlydiddly · 10/10/2020 11:56

WTF this coworker sounds a nasty piece of work. I would go straight to your boss and report her. You have done nothing wrong, your dc was safe in their home with their parent there. You need to remember you have done nothing wrong.

forrestgreen · 10/10/2020 11:59

It's not normal behaviour at all
So either she's loosing it because of COVID or she's a bully.
Either way email hr ad manager saying you're stressed because of her actions, either it's the start of bullying which needs recording or her mental health has deteriorated which needs actioning.

See her stress about being reported

LaLaLandIsNoFun · 10/10/2020 12:02

Oh an do make an SAR.

I had a so called friend report me - bd yes, I did need support.

She told the SS a bunch of lies which really really weren’t true but SS took them as gospel snd it was the start of a downward spiral. (Abd before any posted Jim in eith ‘but thre must have been reasons!!!!) I’ve had a full apology and compensation and admission that LA made case on nothing - shame the apology doesn’t bring my child back - it DOES happen.

Make an immediate SAR to the LA - you need to know what’s been said

IdkickJilliansass · 10/10/2020 12:04

Why didn’t they given your child back 😱😱😱

incenseandpeppermints · 10/10/2020 12:09

OP - you can make a SAR by email. They are legally obligated to respond in one calendar month but as it's not a lot of data (ie not huge slabs of medical notes) they will probably do it in a few days. You can email information governance at your LA or the SW dept.

SallySolardel · 10/10/2020 12:14

@shinynewapple2020

I'm not sure that I agree with people here about taking action against the colleague who made the report . Surely it is right that if someone has a concern about a child they should raise it . In this case, as with many others , it won't meet threshold and no action will be taken .

People are correct of course that SS won't take any action here , and yes , this is how they are all coping working from home with their own children .

I'm just not comfortable with the idea that someone should be punished for raising a concern about a child , however naive that complaint may be .

I agree. She's not "a nasty piece of work", she's someone who is worried about child safety and has taken action to safeguard the child.
CheetasOnFajitas · 10/10/2020 12:17

Safeguard the child from too much TV? Don’t be ridiculous. Bear in mind that this is a person who has never met OP’s child Or set foot inside her house (probably but even her street) and who made a report base son a few comments made by OP over a work call.

CheetasOnFajitas · 10/10/2020 12:17

Not even her street

LaBellina · 10/10/2020 12:26

Your collegue is very clearly crossing a line here and I would raise hell if I were in your shoes. You did nothing wrong from what I have read and this strongly reeks of malicious reporting.

I personally would file a complaint about her to your manager AND HR for workplace bullying. Because that's what it is. Bullying of the lowest kind, using the fact that she gets a chance to have a peek inside your private life, to interfere in your private life in a very, very inappropriate way. If I were you, I would be willing to take this very, very far if I had to.

It doesn't matter what she says or thinks that her intentions are. Harrassment is harrassment.