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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Reported to social services by coworker

434 replies

UnsocialServiced · 09/10/2020 17:39

My frankly bonkers coworker has reported me to SS because she is concerned about my 3 old. I was wfh last week because my DS had a slight temperature. Whilst he was home and I was working he had a day of watching films. (3 films in one day). I'm not saying it was great parenting but I was in the next room could hear him at all times. He also kept coming into chat with me and play in between working etc. Anyway Coworker told me today that she was concerned about DS being ignored and felt she had no choice but to pass her concerns on. What will happen now?

OP posts:
GeorgiaGirl52 · 10/10/2020 00:04

Be sure to inform your manager and HR that you cannot work with someone who has accused you of a crime and so you and crazy co-worker must be separated.

CheetasOnFajitas · 10/10/2020 00:06

She’s insane. However this is a lesson to us all not to allow home and work life to mingle too much. WFH makes that all too easy to do. After a little while of that the novelty wore off and I made a conscious decision to keep my Teams background blurred and avoid talk about my family as much as possible.

chilling19 · 10/10/2020 00:09

You've no worries OP. apart from a really annoying coworker who needs putting in her place.

Rapunzathepenguin · 10/10/2020 00:37

I'm a bit curious about how she knew, in any case. Did you tell her? Is she your boss or something? Were you in an online meeting and your camera was on?

Is it worth your webcam mysteriously not working next time you have to have a meeting with her, and maybe getting a headset that's one sided so you can still hear your little one but she can't hear as much of what's going on in the background?

What are you supposed to do according to your HR if you're WFH like so many people at the moment, take a day off every time the little 'un has a bit of a temperature or something?

I'd hope Social Services would see sense on this one.

Griselda1 · 10/10/2020 00:38

Be careful what you share with Co workers in future. She must be bonkers or very innocent.

peanutandpumkin · 10/10/2020 00:39

Has she actually reported to Social services? Its strange shes narrating everything shes doing or feeling about this.

It could be just pretence. Could she have a reason for you to get worked up not concentrate on your work? (Competitive etc) its easy to lie about a minor thing if you know its not really going to be followed BUT will just stress you enough 🤔

The other reason is shes absolutely mental!

peanutandpumkin · 10/10/2020 00:40

*followed up, I mean

AmICrazyorWhat2 · 10/10/2020 00:55

She’s clueless and judgmental. I remember DD being obsessed with a certain film at that age and if I’d been stuck WFH with no childcare, I dare say I’d have let her watch it three times in a day when I needed to focus. We’re in difficult times, has your coworker got no empathy?

If your co-worker “ couldn’t sleep” due to her concern over this, she obviously has no idea what SS really has to deal with in terms of child neglect and she needs to educate herself, instead of wasting their time.

GabsAlot · 10/10/2020 01:00

its not overkill to tell hr-shes completely overstepped the mark here and its going to be impossible to work together now so it needs to be wsorted

blueberrypie0112 · 10/10/2020 01:50

@Griselda1

Be careful what you share with Co workers in future. She must be bonkers or very innocent.
Absolutely, now on mute button /camera off until you need to speak
Marmunia1975 · 10/10/2020 02:56

Definitely lodge a grievance. This woman needs dealt with.

daisychain01 · 10/10/2020 03:05

@UnsocialServiced

She doesn't have children herself. I made a joke on a Teams call about DS now knowing all the songs word by word. She's taken from this that I just force him to watch TV all day and ignore him. She framed it as being concerned and me needing to get extra support.
Don't give away any further information about how you manage your life outside work. Be much more guarded when talking on Teams calls. The fewer details your coworker has, the less they can fill in the gaps and make crap up.

Joking about your DS knowing all the words to a song is like manna from heaven for a do-gooding busy body like her with nothing better to do than dob in a colleague to SS.

Hadjab · 10/10/2020 03:08

@FTMF30

Not sure what will happen now. But that was a bit neglectful tbh. You shouldn't be working with a 3yo at home. I'm not exactly blaming you as parents (mostly mums!) have been put in impossible situations due to covid. I can see how it would have come across to your colleague and why she would be concerned, not enough to warrant a call to SS though.

My guess is they'll not take the report any further or do ahome visit to check all is well. That is an uneducated guess though.

WTF?
alexdgr8 · 10/10/2020 03:17

@SevenOfNineTails

'Dear colleague, I couldn't sleep for worrying about how bizarrely invested you are in my life and what is completely not an issue. I'm seriously worried about your mental health so I've reported you to HR'

This. With bells on 👏🏻

yes.
echt · 10/10/2020 03:19

You beat me to it, Hadjab

Unbelievable.

yoyo1234 · 10/10/2020 03:25

"You really must go to your manager and/or HR department and make a formal complaint though. This is harassment." As PP has said.

Catsup · 10/10/2020 03:26

What? Pass on what concerns? The concern that you were within your own home with your child? The concern that you weren't then physically stood over that child for every minute within your home? The concern you'd suddenly been struck deaf so you couldn't hear your child a room away? The concern you may actually ever need to use the toilet in your house without lugging your occupied child into the bathroom with you? Or move from one room to another without having your child accompany you? God forbid your child happily entertains themselves without an adult stood eyeballing them 24/7. If you'd said your child was asleep would she have demanded you sit in their room watching them sleeping? She's an absolute fruitcake! How does she really think people parent? That we all strap kids to our backs until the age of 10?

JamminDoughnuts · 10/10/2020 04:46

Co worker said she was doing it so you can get some hellp?
interesting to know whether you will get some help?

Flippyflo · 10/10/2020 05:04

Hi OP

WFH here with a 9 month old who watches frozen on repeat.

This wouldn’t even get passed referral point. Wether you have a MASH team or Family Hub. I’d be VERY shocked if you even get a phone call from a social worker. Like seriously, this doesn’t meet any criteria AT ALL.

On a professional level, report to HR absolutely.

On a personal level- she deserves a cheeky pinch under the arm.

What world do we live in where you’re unable to make a light hearted joke to a team while in a bloody pandemic. Honestly she’d have a field day in our team meetings.

seayork2020 · 10/10/2020 05:10

Have you been contacted by them, have paperwork etc. Proving she really did?

Tellmetruth4 · 10/10/2020 06:58

Report her to HR. Unbelievable behaviour from your colleague.

daisychain01 · 10/10/2020 08:21

Anyway Coworker told me today that she was concerned about DS being ignored and felt she had no choice but to pass her concerns on.

Going back to your OP, what's the betting she has just said that to put the fear of God up you? If you haven't received any communication from SS, she could be just lying to add to her busybody credentials. Still report her to HR though, just to show her you aren't to be intimidated.

EnjoyingTheSilence · 10/10/2020 08:28

She is nuts. Kids at that age love repetition. She’s either totally clueless or a total bitch, either way she needs to be told she massively overstepped here.

Good luck and don’t worry, but definitely complain about her

CheetasOnFajitas · 10/10/2020 08:36

Out of interest, you said she had no kids- is she young with no kids, or an older woman who is unlikely to have children?

Betteb · 10/10/2020 09:10

My dd did the same at that age with the film, Jungle Book. She watched it so much she could say the lines along with the characters Grin she then when on to do similar with the Wizard of Oz.
She is now 25, has a Master's degree in English, her own flat and a good job.
It won't do your ds any harm Smile
I doubt you will hear anything from SS, but if you do you've nothing to worry about.