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AIBU?

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Original poster

Reported to social services by coworker

434 replies

UnsocialServiced · 09/10/2020 17:39

My frankly bonkers coworker has reported me to SS because she is concerned about my 3 old. I was wfh last week because my DS had a slight temperature. Whilst he was home and I was working he had a day of watching films. (3 films in one day). I'm not saying it was great parenting but I was in the next room could hear him at all times. He also kept coming into chat with me and play in between working etc. Anyway Coworker told me today that she was concerned about DS being ignored and felt she had no choice but to pass her concerns on. What will happen now?

OP posts:
Billben · 10/10/2020 09:12

@FTMF30

OP, you didn't say he also had toys and books in your OP, so I wasn't picking and choosing parts. You just said he watched 3 films in a day, that you were checking on him and he could come to you if you wanted.

I know most people read into my original reply thinking that I was basically saying you're a bad mother. I was not. I said you were pretty neglectful in the sense of not giving him proper attention (how could you be working from another room?) It takes just a second for disaster to strike. There's also the fact that there are wide variations of what being in another room could mean - was there just a door separating the room? Do you have to go into a hallway to get to the room? Is the room across the hall? Your colleague can't tell just how close or not you were to your DS, so probably got in a flap with worry.
In any case, I'm sure all mums have been a little neglectful (including me) at times because we are put in challenging situations or exhausted or both!

Did your actions warrant a call from SS? Definitely not from what I've read. And I'm sure they won't take things much further, if at all. I won't be returning to thread as some pp like to pick a fight/insult, rather than discuss things.

I'm sure things will be fine. Try not to worry💐

😂 Talk about trying to save face 😂
Yogawithmydog · 10/10/2020 09:15

Yes I would absolutely include HR (in case your manager just wants to brush it under the carpet) and make clear you feel she has harassed you with a malicious report and that she is intruding on your private life.

Yogawithmydog · 10/10/2020 09:17

Haha yes Billben, that poster backpedalled faster than a circus gymnast on steroids GrinGrinGrin

iguanadonna · 10/10/2020 09:17

I think it's great that there are children's films and TV readily available nowadays when children are poorly. It's not like they can or should do much else but lie in bed or on sofa. Nearly-4 year olds can't read all day. Sure it would be wonderful if every household had a carer available to read to them and do gentle puzzles or something. But that's fantasy. High quality tv is a darn good second best.

BuggerOffAndGoodDayToYou · 10/10/2020 09:18

@lakesidewinter

If it makes any difference at all it was the same film 3 times in a day.

No OP that would make no difference to SS, it is normal for many dc to do this.

So your child is a typical 3 year old then! Seriously both my DCs did that with various films / TV shows! Thank heavens DVDs didn’t wear out like the old VHS tapes did! Plus it’s all streaming now - an absolute lifesaver for parents having to actually get other things done (like going to the love, showering, cooking, cleaning etc)

OP your colleague is a bell end who doesn’t understand what parenting ACTUALLY is and I would be a) reporting to HR and b) refusing any but absolutely essential contact with her

taraRoo · 10/10/2020 09:21

Leaving your child with a temperature to watch tv is not neglect! No even close. Half the kids in the nation were juggled with work like this during lockdown. You are trying to keep your job and look after your child. What else are you supposed to do with him? You can't take him out if he's ill. Lots of kids get left in front of the tv all day, every day. Genuinely neglected kids whose parents are probably not in the house or off drunk or worse. I hope ss don't even bother following it up.

I agree with others. Complain about this. That woman is vindictive.

IdkickJilliansass · 10/10/2020 09:21

God that takes me back, when my DD was 3 she wanted to watch ‘Bolt’ endlessly 😵

JacobReesMogadishu · 10/10/2020 09:23

My mum reported me to SS when Dd was younger because I used to put Dd infront of the tv when cooking dinner, stacking the dishwasher. For maybe 90 mins an evening. Always spent time playing with her after that and at weekends. I never even heard from SS.

Amber0685 · 10/10/2020 09:24

Completely insulting towards children who are seriously neglected.

Dreamschool87 · 10/10/2020 09:25

If it makes any difference at all it was the same film 3 times in a day. DS is obsessed with it and kept asking to watch it. He will probably watch it another gazillion times before getting bored and moving onto a new obsession. It was this fact that seemed to worry my work colleague more than if it had been 3 different films.

This is really normal for that age.

Your colleague sounds a bit odd. Does she have obsessive tendencies maybe?

Obviously tv all day isn’t the best, but what else were you supposed to do when working and he’s unwell? My kids have had the odd full day of telly and nothing else when they’ve been ill. All tv rules go out the window when you’re unwell, in my opinion.

I would speak to HR.

Didlum · 10/10/2020 09:28

That's nice of your mum JacobRees. Bet that improved your relationship with her! Hmm

ColleagueFromMars · 10/10/2020 09:30

I'm sure you've already decided this, but I would be very careful not to mention anything about your son or home life in front of her or any of your colleagues again. Anything that is need to know you tell your line manager and let them know your prefer it to be kept need to know because of this colleague's actions. If anybody asks you about him in a meeting in front of her I'd be sure to thank them for asking but say briefly that owing to other colleagues' actions you now will not be talking about your son at work at all.

SospanFrangipan · 10/10/2020 09:35

@FTMF30

Not sure what will happen now. But that was a bit neglectful tbh. You shouldn't be working with a 3yo at home. I'm not exactly blaming you as parents (mostly mums!) have been put in impossible situations due to covid. I can see how it would have come across to your colleague and why she would be concerned, not enough to warrant a call to SS though.

My guess is they'll not take the report any further or do ahome visit to check all is well. That is an uneducated guess though.

Are you having a laugh? How do you think the majority of us have been keeping an income coming into our homes? My 3 y/o has been doing exactly the same whilst I have been wfh, as have countless other families across the country. Back off!
Mumoftwo1994 · 10/10/2020 09:36

@UnsocialServiced

My frankly bonkers coworker has reported me to SS because she is concerned about my 3 old. I was wfh last week because my DS had a slight temperature. Whilst he was home and I was working he had a day of watching films. (3 films in one day). I'm not saying it was great parenting but I was in the next room could hear him at all times. He also kept coming into chat with me and play in between working etc. Anyway Coworker told me today that she was concerned about DS being ignored and felt she had no choice but to pass her concerns on. What will happen now?
She seems like an absolute weirdo, the amount of kids that have been glued to the telly or gaming etc this year. She'll have a job on her hands reporting everyone in the U.K. to SS. Maybe speak to your boss as this does seem inappropriate, not sure what you would say though.
Curlygirl06 · 10/10/2020 09:40

@NRatched

If it makes any difference at all it was the same film 3 times in a day. DS is obsessed with it and kept asking to watch it. He will probably watch it another gazillion times before getting bored and moving onto a new obsession. It was this fact that seemed to worry my work colleague more than if it had been 3 different films. Assuming colleague does not have any kids? This is entirely usual for a 3 year old from my experience. Though it does seem odd, before you actually go through it I have to say. Used to think DSD was very strange wanting to watch the same film multiple times per day when she was about 4 ish. At one stage I even wondered if she had anymore films, thoug of course she did and I saw her collection once and it baffled me that it was always the one film.

Then I went through it with DD. And then again with DS. DS is still sort of in this mode actually at 6. Same 5 films on repeat, the toy storys, and horrid henry the movie. Over and over and over.

Bambi's mother gets shot 28 minutes from the end of the film. How do I know this? My girls watched that film on repeat and cried every time! I'd be praying for them to watch something else but no, bambi it was for weeks! Then they went on to Jungle Book. I know all the words and the songs and I wasn't even in the room when they watched them! The woman's an idiot, report her to HR.
JacobReesMogadishu · 10/10/2020 09:45

@Didlum yeah that was one of the reasons I didn't see her for 6 years.

conduitoffortune · 10/10/2020 09:55

I'm a social worker and I promise you that children's services will not give a shit about this.

They are all working from home whilst their children watch films.

Didlum · 10/10/2020 10:00

I don't blame you JacobRees. I have a difficult mum too and i sympathise.

planplan · 10/10/2020 10:01

What a twat.

I'm a social worker and this is how I parent throughout lockdown.

What exactly does she think will happen?!

planplan · 10/10/2020 10:02

And we wouldn't do anything with this petty referral!

Didlum · 10/10/2020 10:03

It's probably good for kids' language development to watch films they love several times in the same way it is for them to hear stories several times.
There's a couple of french film i love that I've watched several times and I'm sure it has improved my french

Cheetosforbreakfast · 10/10/2020 10:05

She did what! I’m assuming she is childless. I really feel for you. What a nasty woman. I’d 100% report her. X

Dillybear · 10/10/2020 10:06

I realise I’m not adding anything new here, but I can’t not comment - I’m furious for you! This is absolutely grounds for a complaint about her, and HR need to be involved. Nip that shit in the bud straight away!! Also I am a social worker and can tell you that Children’s Services would have laughed down the phone at her. Jesus Christ! Wishing you well with following this up.

BiscoffAnythingIsTheWayForward · 10/10/2020 10:08

As if social workers don’t have enough on at the moment, she wastes even more of their time looking at an utterly ridiculous post. Your child is 3 and unwell, what did she do at that age? Solve quantum physics problems? Stupid woman! Ignore and blank her where possible. I hope she tells someone else and they tell her what an ignorant and judgmental cow she has been! Massive 🙄

BiscoffAnythingIsTheWayForward · 10/10/2020 10:09

*complaint not post 🤦🏻‍♀️