Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Reported to social services by coworker

434 replies

UnsocialServiced · 09/10/2020 17:39

My frankly bonkers coworker has reported me to SS because she is concerned about my 3 old. I was wfh last week because my DS had a slight temperature. Whilst he was home and I was working he had a day of watching films. (3 films in one day). I'm not saying it was great parenting but I was in the next room could hear him at all times. He also kept coming into chat with me and play in between working etc. Anyway Coworker told me today that she was concerned about DS being ignored and felt she had no choice but to pass her concerns on. What will happen now?

OP posts:
Pumpertrumper · 09/10/2020 21:03

Before having DS, DH and I agreed we wouldn’t encourage the use of screens until he was at least 2 and even then would limit it heavily.

Well DS is now 7 months, teething, obsessed with my iPhone, I’m pregnant again and we watched hours of hey duggee today 👍🏻

People who say they won’t placate kids with screens are childless!

I’m assuming co worker was
A- childless
B- of a generation who didn’t have the option of screens

Yogawithmydog · 09/10/2020 21:03

@FTMF30 SS will do a home visit because a kid watched films for a day? Hahahahahahahahahahahaha

Best laugh I've had all day.
By the way, the answer is no, they won't.

Crankley · 09/10/2020 21:05

This is outrageous. I would be telling her I am very pissed off, I no longer wish to speak to her and if she persists or makes other reports or accusations, you will be reporting her to the police for harassment.

I would also insist my manager discipline her.

mrsmummy1111 · 09/10/2020 21:07

@Pumpertrumper

Before having DS, DH and I agreed we wouldn’t encourage the use of screens until he was at least 2 and even then would limit it heavily.

Well DS is now 7 months, teething, obsessed with my iPhone, I’m pregnant again and we watched hours of hey duggee today 👍🏻

People who say they won’t placate kids with screens are childless!

I’m assuming co worker was
A- childless
B- of a generation who didn’t have the option of screens

And c) a complete wanker
UniversalAunt · 09/10/2020 21:08

If you inform HR at earliest opportunity on Monday, they should speak with her during that day (duty of care etc) & she should not have any more contact with you other than essential operation communication (if at all).

If by any chance she contacts you over the weekend or before you speak with HR then ring your employee assistance support line - if you have one - because a) she is going waaaay to far with this ( for whatever reason) b) you’ll have logged this with the EA duty team & c) they make the independent decision about a welfare check.

In case this seems OTT, I was operational HR red flag specialist.

MutteringDarkly · 09/10/2020 21:09

@LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett can I just thank you for "head-tilty welfare check" as a phrase? I'm HR and that made me properly Grin I will be internally deploying that phrase a lot!

OP, please report to HR / line manager. Either it's malicious, or she has lost her grip on reality...or, she's not by any chance angling for your job is she? It was the part about her being so concerned you weren't coping that rang alarm bells for me - as in "X clearly isn't coping, perhaps I should take over that particularly juicy project"...

millymae · 09/10/2020 21:13

I think you are perfectly rational to not want anything more to do with her. I’d find it very hard to be civil to her ever again.
She sounds very out of touch with the realities of life if she thinks Social Services have the resources to provide help with entertaining children whilst parents work from home.
Nothing will come of her report so don’t let what she’s done spoil your weekend. Tell your manager about it, on Monday so that she’s aware of what has gone on.
Common sense tells me that it’s best not to get into a debate with the woman herself but I’d be very tempted to call her out on what she did, and ask her how she’d feel if for instance you felt that her driving was putting others at risk and you’d reported her to the DVLA so they could help. I bet she wouldn’t be thanking you for what you’d done.

Lynseylou1 · 09/10/2020 21:20

I'm a social worker and that kind of referral wouldn't even get past the initial screening where i am based 😂 what a crazy woman reporting you for that! I would make a conplaint at work and forget about social services as they are not going to be interested in this kind of thing. During the lockdown my kids were spending 10 hours a day on xbox and did no online learning until June when school reopened.

Justgivemewine · 09/10/2020 21:24

Please stop worrying.

There are extremely unlikely to come out over something like this. Thousands of parents around the country are doing it right now.

At worst you‘ll get an obligatory follow up phone call to get your side of the story and close it off as quickly as possible.

We’ve been reported a few times for worse things than this, ds is autistic and has to be dealt with in a certain way. Some people don’t like it 🙄 and/or misunderstand the situation. They’re probably not supposed to say this but one SW admitted she thought the reporting person was being ridiculous, I could almost hear her eyes rolling.

They’re used to dealing with ridiculous reports like this.

PrincessMonacoOfKent · 09/10/2020 21:25

There's an advert at the moment (in Ireland - no idea what it's for), and a guy says that people haven't been working from home, they've been parenting from work.

As someone without kids, I found that a really insightful perspective, and helped me understand just what it's been like for parents over these last few months. Perhaps your co-worker needs some of that perspective!

Christmasfairy2020 · 09/10/2020 21:33

I'm the worst mum ever then I did this for all time of lockdown to my 5 yr old and 10nyr old bottle or ova glue crafts etc. And they tiptoe round me. I do this every friday as I pick them up from school at 1pm and finish work at 530Confused

Films and vanparina back to back

Incrediblytired · 09/10/2020 21:33

Ffs.

As a social worker with a 3 year old I can tell you that I’ve done this, whilst working from home myself!

If this is the full story then SS will at most give you a call.

I’d talk to your boss/HR though. Your working arrangements are your problem and if your employer is happy with them then your co worker shouldn’t be a dick!

lioncitygirl · 09/10/2020 21:37

I would be fucking incensed- how dare she! Is she insane?! How dangerous of her. What does/did she want - SS to take your kid away!??

Christmasfairy2020 · 09/10/2020 21:38

Oh and my neighbour is a social worker in the removal team and is wfh as all sw are at mo. Anyways other than when her kids are at school or she needs to do a visit she is doing the exact same kids in living room and her in kitchen

GettingUntrapped · 09/10/2020 21:44

So, are social services the mummy police? Seems like it.
Stand your ground. You haven't done anything wrong.
It's so hard being a mother.
Perhaps the person reporting you, who has no children, has no clue of the reality of having children.

ReallyLazy · 09/10/2020 21:45

Ha! She is barmy.

Relax OP. You are holding a job down through a pandemic whilst parenting a 3 year old. You're doing fine. Movie days are the best days. You can't FORCE a 3 year old to watch movies unless they want to or they've been chained to the spot. She has no idea.

Relax. SS are interested in abuse cases and children in drug using homes etc. Real safety concerns. Even for those cases they are stretched too far!

A healthy child in front of a screen all day is called modern life for most, not abuse. That's ignoring the whole pandemic situation.

guineapig1 · 09/10/2020 21:46

Your colleague is bonkers. Presumably they realise that the Social Worker who will have to review and then dismiss this log is also likely to be working from his or her dining room with their own children glued to a screen in the room next door.

Lavanderrose · 09/10/2020 21:46

I’m sorry but this can’t be all there is to this. I have a feeling that more has happened than you letting on.

But if it just what you’ve said here then nothing will happen except their will most likely be a record of it kept.

blueberrypie0112 · 09/10/2020 21:48

Lol yep a three years old can’t hold their attention that long, he must be really sick if he could.

I don’t think they are going to count tv as neglect

buckeejit · 09/10/2020 21:52

Jesus, as if social workers haven't enough on their plates right now. OP you say she's not malicious but potentially very harmful & rather clueless.

I'd start by email your local early years social work team & saying what your colleague reported you for. Provide your contact number in case they want to speak to you. Then email your manager & cc HR. Explain & ask them to discuss & come back to you to let you know what action they will take. I'd be tempted to then forward the email onto the offender as a heads up, 'I was concerned so I reported you....'

Good luck

Lazypuppy · 09/10/2020 21:52

@FTMF30 at 3 years old a child doesn't need to be watched 24/7!

My daughter happily sits in the lounge and watches a film, while i get on with things around the house.

Tavannach · 09/10/2020 21:58

I think @UniversalAunt has it right.

You know your colleague OP, and if you don't think she was being malicious then the possibility is that she is mentally unwell, perhaps because of pressures in her own home life. In that case you still need to report it to your manager.

Buttybach · 09/10/2020 22:04

Please please report this to HR she sounds frankly dangerous and should not be allowed on calls where children may be present

GwendolineMarysLaces · 09/10/2020 22:11

@FTMF30

Not sure what will happen now. But that was a bit neglectful tbh. You shouldn't be working with a 3yo at home. I'm not exactly blaming you as parents (mostly mums!) have been put in impossible situations due to covid. I can see how it would have come across to your colleague and why she would be concerned, not enough to warrant a call to SS though.

My guess is they'll not take the report any further or do ahome visit to check all is well. That is an uneducated guess though.

Half the country are 'neglectful' then. Fucking hell, people are doing what they can to get by, and children don't die from too much telly.
Notgoodatchoosingnames · 09/10/2020 22:20

She is crazy to think that warrants wasting Social services time! During lockdown we have all just done what we need to get by with working from home and caring for our kids. And that's why you were working from home because you care and he had a temp. Honestly, I would mention it to your manager and avoid her for the foreseeable. She has no idea!! X

Swipe left for the next trending thread