To not want a cleaner?

[Pumpertrumper]

DH is chomping on the bit to get cleaners again and I just don’t want to. Here are my reasons;

• Covid (don’t love the idea of strangers in the house)

• I’m on Mat leave so will be here. Don’t want to have to go out at set times as have some morning sickness and DS in tow.

• DS screams at strangers (it’s awfully embarrassing I’m doing all I can but he was a lockdown baby)

• DH works shifts which often clash with cleaning meaning he’s sleeping upstairs and they can’t clean the master bed, or he’s on a day off and grumbles about being disturbed.

• Me having to run around on the morning they’re coming cleaning up gross personal stuff like half eaten food, nappies and dirty pants, whilst DS shouts at me.

• £150 per month we can afford but do not need to spend (DH May be without work soon but ample savings).

I keep the house as well as anyone with a baby can. I had a cleaner come to see the place last week who described it as ‘pretty good really’ it’s clean but maybe a bit messy. DH wants the house kept to a higher standard.

Hoovering/mopping several times a week kinda thing. He works insane hours so can’t do it himself, so he wants the cleaner. I’m happy enough in my filthy hovel jokes and can’t do any more than I’m currently doing myself but I don’t want a cleaner.

Happy to be told AIBU but would love another opinion???

It’s not a big issue, DH and I aren’t arguing about it or anything we just have very different opinions and can’t agree

Also it’s actually flexible cost depending on how long the cleans take (billed end of each month) so could be more like £150-200

£150? To run a mop and hoover?

@slipperywhensparticus

It’s a decent size house so not really unreasonable. Works out about £15 per hour

Does your husband do any housework at all op?

Are you happy to do what he wants?

I love cleaning and I would never get a cleaner because I’m fussy and have OCD but I can see why it is an attractive option to many people.

Is your husband maybe suggesting it to give you a break? If I’ve read correctly you have a young baby and are also pregnant?

Ultimately, you both need to feel comfortable with someone in your house and given the current situation on top I can see why you don’t want a cleaner.

I think you should be saying all of this to your DH in a fairly firm way. I’m pregnant with morning sickness too and many household jobs are slipping currently. I could write my name in the dust in our living room. DH is doing what he can and the rest we are muddling along with. I agree the last thing I’d want is a cleaner in my space when feeling rough. Be honest with him and point out that it’s not for ever, it’s just that now isn’t the right time.

That's a lot. We pay £81 for once a week.

@Zoflorabore

Oh yeah he’s absoloutley thinking of me too and not wanting me to over do it. It’s not just him being a stick in the mud about wanting the house cleaner (but it does bother him more than me)

I think it’s probably a 50/50 motive between wanting me to take it easy and thinking I’ll slow down anyway now I’m pregnant and he wasn’t happy how it was before

@LittleTiger007

I’ve made all these points and he just reiterates his own points

• Doesn’t want me over doing it
• I’ve been struggling to keep on top of it as is
• wasting all our free time trying to get jobs done
• cutting into time with DS (mainly for him as he gets little time and wants to spend it with DS)

He’s not wrong but neither am I. I just know he won’t feel the impact of a cleaner as he’ll be at work whilst I’ll be here dealing with them

I’d get the cleaner tbh.

I think if he wants the house to be cleaner than it is then hiring a cleaner is a sensible suggestion.

My cleaner comes whilst I’m WFH at the moment and whilst it’s mildly inconvenient, it’s really not a big deal.

Get the cleaner. You don't have to go out, just decide on one room that doesn't need to be cleaned by them and sit in there. Organise it for ds nap time and you can read a book or Mumsnet during that time. Why would it be embarrassing if your baby cries? They're there to clean, not to visit ds.

While I understand your point of view, I see his too. You have good reasons not to want a cleaner and are happy with how the house is without one. He wants more cleaning to be done, but doesn't have the time to do it to that standard himself so he wants to get a cleaner to do it. One or both of you needs to compromise.

Why don't you have a fortnightly clean done then both of you can just do what's needed in between? That's what we did (until Covid stole my husband's job and reduced my salary ). It worked well, we would ask the cleaner to vary the days so we could work around things, like the shifts I do.

I'm absolutely dying to have our cleaner back in, she's returning 21/10, with gloves and mask changed for each house.

I'll take the risk.

Neither of you is unreasonable. But somebody has to compromise, so all you can do is talk it through.

You aren't being unreasonable but I think you should go for it. At the very least just try it for a month maybe and see how you feel??

I know some people who have a cleaner once a fortnight as a compromise?

Yeah tbh my your own admission you're both unable to keep on top of it and DH has a solution. Tbh I'd think you were being a bit difficult if I were your husband.

I know it's not ideal having someone in the house when you're there etc but when I'm working from home I just wait in one room until our cleaner has done the rest then move out, it's not the end of the world.

Having someone clean for 10 hours will make a massive difference to the house.

Right, thanks for the opinions I think you’re right.
Let’s try a fortnightly clean and see how that helps

Neither of you are unreasonable, but one of you had to compromise. Sounds like your tidiness thresholds are different (my DH needs things more orderly than I do too) so you should consider how resentment may creep in for him over time if he finds it hard to live in a messy environment. I have sympathies, your reasons are valid but I also feel getting a cleaner really helped our relationship! X

My husband keeps suggesting this. I'm very happy to do it and he does a lot too but he always says why do we need to, why not get a cleaner in. For me it's mostly because I don't want someone else doing my dirty work, but also because of Covid now, and to save money! I've got a timetable of which rooms which days (adapted TOMM) and I'm very happy! Also I get my step count abs stair count up :-)

If you get the right one you won’t be uncomfortable.

Mine is lovely, not at all intrusive and if we’re home due to illness etc I just ask her to leave that room alone.

She tidies too.

I’ve never had a cleaner despite working & being a higher earner. Hate the thought of someone in my house and I’m very particular

Another vote for getting the right cleaner.

Good on you for trying it. Don't be afraid to swap things around if they don't suit you. Try something or someone else.

The right cleaner will be life changing.

DH knows that if I had to rescue either cleaning lady or him from a burning building, he would probably be advised to make his own way out. Though in fact, Treasure would probably have put out the fire and be getting on with the important stuff before we had even noticed the burning smell.

That's what she does, totally magic

Get one. Try it for a month. Then decide. But £15 per hour is too much. I'm in central London and pay about £11 per hour.

I want a cleaner. Dh doesn't. I hate that. He says he'll do it. Which he does do some.