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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want a cleaner?

54 replies

Pumpertrumper · 09/10/2020 16:12

DH is chomping on the bit to get cleaners again and I just don’t want to. Here are my reasons;

  • Covid (don’t love the idea of strangers in the house)
  • I’m on Mat leave so will be here. Don’t want to have to go out at set times as have some morning sickness and DS in tow.
  • DS screams at strangers (it’s awfully embarrassing I’m doing all I can but he was a lockdown baby)
  • DH works shifts which often clash with cleaning meaning he’s sleeping upstairs and they can’t clean the master bed, or he’s on a day off and grumbles about being disturbed.
  • Me having to run around on the morning they’re coming cleaning up gross personal stuff like half eaten food, nappies and dirty pants, whilst DS shouts at me.
  • £150 per month we can afford but do not need to spend (DH May be without work soon but ample savings).

I keep the house as well as anyone with a baby can. I had a cleaner come to see the place last week who described it as ‘pretty good really’ it’s clean but maybe a bit messy. DH wants the house kept to a higher standard.

Hoovering/mopping several times a week kinda thing. He works insane hours so can’t do it himself, so he wants the cleaner. I’m happy enough in my filthy hovel jokes and can’t do any more than I’m currently doing myself but I don’t want a cleaner.

Happy to be told AIBU but would love another opinion???

OP posts:
BlueJava · 09/10/2020 17:12

I think YABU. It's a good solution if one of you would like a higher standard of cleaning - and he is doing it to help you. You don't need to go out when they are there, I just move to a different room. Sounds ideal to me!

SpaceOP · 09/10/2020 17:12

@Oblomov20 are you me? Because I'm the one who wants the cleaner (and who works long hours so doesn't really have time or energy to clean) and DH doesn't want one. He works much fewer hours, but it's very physical, and he does all the pick ups/afternoons with kids etc. He says he'll do it, and he does, but only up to a point and I often have to remind him which makes me feel like a nag or his "boss" and I hate it. And he just doesn't even realise that certain things need cleaning - he's never cleaned a banister, or wiped down a bedside table in his life for example.

OP - DH's arguments are all similar to yours. But for the record, I think you should get a cleaner! Grin I also suggested the fortnightly option instead so that at least it's been done to a high standard at least then, he can then do it in between to his standard.

If we had a bit more money I'd just over rule him on the basis that I want the house cleaner, don't have time to do it and can't bear living in dirt (he's very tidy so the house isn't messy....) but money is tight and I just don't feel I can make that sort of unilateral cost decision alone at this point. It's very frustrating.

Bluntness100 · 09/10/2020 17:18

Glad you’re getting the cleaner, we both work from home she just cleans round us, but she’s been sith us for years. If you’re bothered, just move rooms as she does them. It’s no biggie.

Honestly though, if you’ve dirty pants, dirty nappies and half eaten food laying around, maybe it’s needed and he has a point, personally I’d also struggle with that, although I know not everyone would.

LittleTiger007 · 09/10/2020 17:25

@Pumpertrumper well done on the compromise. Hopefully you will get a fab cleaner like some mentioned here and you’ll soon have them in weekly and wonder how you coped! Let us know if they’re fab and maybe they can come and help me too! 🙂

DillyDilly · 09/10/2020 17:26

Sounds like you need a cleaner if you have to run around picking up ‘gross personal stuff’ the morning the cleaner visits.

irregularegular · 09/10/2020 17:27

It's pretty much £15 per hour here. Except in some cases where someone has had a cleaner for a while and the rates have stayed the same.

Love51 · 09/10/2020 17:32

Don't cave too easily. You'll consider the fortnightly trial IF and only if, he does the running around making the house cleaner ready.

Calligraphy572 · 09/10/2020 17:45

You should get a cleaner. Your reasons for not wanting one mainly boil down to 'I don't want the hassle of hiring, managing and interacting with a cleaner'. Which I get. But I think you get to make that call after trying it, weekly, for 3 months. If you hate it after that, then you and DH have another discussion.

£15 an hour is not unreasonable, depending where you live. And 10 hours/month is not THAT much cleaning.

That said, I wouldn't hire one now, in the middle of rising community transmission of Covid. So, yes to the cleaner. But only once you feel safe having a stranger in your home.

Figgyboa · 09/10/2020 20:57

Get a cleaner, you won't regret it!
A couple of notes...
-you don't have to leave the house when the cleaner comes
-try once every fortnight for a good deep clean
-eww to cleaning up gross personal stuff, you should do this everyday anyway!

Daphnise · 09/10/2020 21:00

Just get a cleaner and have the place clean.

The "problems" some people have......

MaHeidsGouping · 09/10/2020 21:10

You might find a agency that send cleaners round in pairs easier as they will be in your house for less time. You'll also see more of a benefit having a weekly clean rather than fortnightly. It will be awkward at first but you'd soon get used yourselves in a routine.

museumum · 10/10/2020 08:35

Depending on your house layout it IS very disruptive having them there for a morning. I used to just wfh in my office but now dh is wfh too one of us is in the kitchen or living room when she’s trying to hoover. I don’t ever feel I can make tea or food or use a toilet while she’s here as it will mess up what she’s doing.
But, it is worth it for a whole house deep clean so we have it once a fortnight as compromise and it’s good. All the family help with the “big tidy” the night before and it is helpful to have an external reason for that too.

Sexnotgender · 10/10/2020 08:38

God I love my cleaners! £150 is totally reasonable, I pay the same. 3 hours a week at £12.50 an hour.

They do a great job, I don’t leave the house. I’m WFH so I’m just in my office while they get on with it.

MsSquiz · 10/10/2020 08:45

Since having DD in December, my standards of cleaning had well and truly slipped into just keeping things bareable tidiness wise.

We now have 2 cleaners in for an hour a week (£25) and they do the bulk of the stuff I just don't have the fine to do with DD like:
Proper hoovering, not just running over the obviously bits
Polishing - again, photo frames, units, TVs, etc
Mopping floors thoroughly
Cleaning the bathrooms, not just a quick wipe around and bleach down the loo.

It helps me stay on top of the tidying and other chores (laundry being the main one for me) and it's so much easier to keep a clean house clean & tidy, if that makes sense?

They usually come during DD's nap time so we go to her room, they do the rest of the house, then when DD wakes up, we go to another room and they clean DD's bedroom.

YellowBeryl1 · 10/10/2020 08:50

Yabu. I wouldn't want a cleaner but you can't do it all with a young baby and pregnant. Your dh has to live their too, he's offering to pay and if he's working long hours presumably he would like his time at home with you to be in a nice environment.

seayork2020 · 10/10/2020 08:59

I only have the one child but I like doing the cleaning/tidying when I want it down and not have to worry about 'oh I forgot the cleaner is coming' and have to tidy first, or the cleaner calls in sick, or pay extra for them to tidy, or they quit and I have to get another etc.

I tidy when I want and clean when I want (well did when I was not working now dh and do it jointly)

BUT i totally get why people have cleaners just not for me

KatharinaRosalie · 10/10/2020 09:02

Hoovering several times per week is not exactly excessive?

You don't have to leave your house, can just move out of the way. I've always had cleaners and they have had no issues cleaning around me, whether I was feeding a baby or doing zoom calls.

SpaceOP · 12/10/2020 11:00

@MsSquiz

Since having DD in December, my standards of cleaning had well and truly slipped into just keeping things bareable tidiness wise.

We now have 2 cleaners in for an hour a week (£25) and they do the bulk of the stuff I just don't have the fine to do with DD like:
Proper hoovering, not just running over the obviously bits
Polishing - again, photo frames, units, TVs, etc
Mopping floors thoroughly
Cleaning the bathrooms, not just a quick wipe around and bleach down the loo.

It helps me stay on top of the tidying and other chores (laundry being the main one for me) and it's so much easier to keep a clean house clean & tidy, if that makes sense?

They usually come during DD's nap time so we go to her room, they do the rest of the house, then when DD wakes up, we go to another room and they clean DD's bedroom.

This is basically what I want, but probably every two weeks. Out of interest, how big is your house? I'm assuming you're getting 2 hours of cleaning time for this. I was thinking I'd probably need to get 3 hours for this every 2 weeks for a kitchen/dining area, lounge and study downstairs. 3 bedrooms and 2 bathrooms upstairs?
LJenn · 12/10/2020 11:15

Honestly, this might be an unpopular opinion..Get a robot vacuum. I just got one on Amazon. It's been a game changer for me personally. It saves me valuable time, and at the end of the day when the kids go down, I can pop the vacuum on and while it does it's work, I can quickly do a blitz of the kitchen etc. I have two small boys, a year and a half and a three and a half year old... they're hard work😂😂.

Oilyoilyoilgob · 12/10/2020 11:19

@Love51 that’s not really fair is it? Her husband wants a cleaner to help his wife have a tidier home, he’s not looking for a battle about it.

If dirty things need to be picked up for a cleaner coming then I can see why he feels one is needed (no snark by the way!) he obviously feels it’ll help both of them. So many people on here see a battle when there isn’t one!

Op if you even do a fortnightly they can do big jobs if you find it ok to keep on top of things. A robot mop and hoover are also a godsend 😃

SpaceOP · 12/10/2020 11:21

@LJenn

Honestly, this might be an unpopular opinion..Get a robot vacuum. I just got one on Amazon. It's been a game changer for me personally. It saves me valuable time, and at the end of the day when the kids go down, I can pop the vacuum on and while it does it's work, I can quickly do a blitz of the kitchen etc. I have two small boys, a year and a half and a three and a half year old... they're hard work😂😂.
I am desperate for one of these. DH is also resistant.... and again, too expensive at this time for me to make a unilateral decision. I miss the days when money wasn't an issue!
Smallsteps88 · 12/10/2020 11:47

@slipperywhensparticus

£150? To run a mop and hoover?
Hmm
81Byerley · 12/10/2020 12:37

Look at robot vacuum cleaners instead. If the floor is hoovered the whole place looks better. I think there might be a floor mop type one as well, and then you can do the rest easily!

user1471457751 · 12/10/2020 12:44

It sounds like you're not coping that well if you have dirty nappies and bits of food left lying around and would have to make an effort once a week for the cleaner to pick that up.

eatsleepread · 12/10/2020 16:27

Can't you get a cleaner in fortnightly? That's what I do, and I just clean and tidy in between. I wouldn't want it weekly, as it's too much of a faff. Fortnightly would be a good compromise.