Worst meeting imaginable today - what to do?

[dublingirl66]

Many many zoom meetings in and I have to say today was the WORSE meeting imaginable

Do I say something to the person who took over

She was awful!!!

Literally took over
Wouldn't let anyone speak
Asked me time and time to slow down when I was slowly and clearly trying to explain something

Wouldn't let a translator join us via zoom as she hadn't put her camera on and she assumed it was someone trying to invade the zoom call

I felt like crying at the end and so want to say something
The family involved felt let down
And I'm just so angry I let her take over
Aibu to maybe speak to her and give feedback ????

The chair was the headteacher

The chair was responsible for the way the meeting unfolded and should have stopped the meeting if there was no translator for the family. It’s ridiculous that a vulnerable family did not have access to translation in a meeting presumably making decisions about them. If, for example, it was in a safeguarding context, a decent lawyer would drive a bus through any decisions made.

I’d suggest it’s for the chair of the meeting to offer feedback to the trainee (social worker?) as they are responsible for managing the meeting. These meetings can be very challenging but a good chair should be on top of it.

I bet she left the meeting feeling like she had done a fantastic job!

As the actual professional in this situation, I am surprised that you let it happen. I am aware though that with a million things going on sometimes these things just catch you off guard. You do need to rectify it though. No way should you be feeling shit this evening about this.

Which is exactly what I'm doing In the morning

What I was unsure of was who to speak to re the conduct - the trainee or her supervisor

But someone will have taken the minutes - they can be translated I would have thought. I am amazed the meeting even went ahead without translation services. It's not just odd, it goes against anything I have ever experienced with regard to education and advocacy. Where was the Family and Student Support Worker or the Social Worker? They also need a kick up the arse. Banking on the family not having the language to complain or not knowing the protocols is plainly wrong.

@dublingirl66 speak to her supervisor and make it clear that this trainee isn’t suitable for the job. The trainee sounds like she lacks the ability to listen to others or work as part of a team. She could do so much damage that you can’t let this happen again. You need to use your anger to protect the vulnerable family who have been upset and confused by the domineering cow. Why are you scared to speak up?

The Head should be speaking to her supervisor.

It's hard to know how to advise without knowing job roles. Social worker/teacher/family support worker/immigration advisor/solictor/etc

Not a social worker

Chair was the head teacher
I was stepping in as a new person to gather more info
So I was hoping the chair would be more clear about what should have happened
I did say - look this is really hard for the family with no interpreter
She said we all need to try to adjust to difficult situations which are unavoidable!!
Ffs
She should have allowed the translator to speak up or even explain why her camera was off

Brilliant advice guys

Thank you

Wishing I had said this stops now
Rearrange a new meeting with a translator

These vulnerable families need to be heard it just felt so counter productive

@dublingirl66 speak to her supervisor and make it clear that this trainee isn’t suitable for the job

I’d also suggest the other professionals weren’t up to their job, 20 years in a role and you can’t challenge someone in a meeting? The head teacher neither chaired effectively or protected the families interests, the person you’re complaining about was a trainee, the others round the table have no such excuse.

OP I train and coach a lot of junior members of staff and a good feedback tool we use is OEPS which stands for:

Observe - “In the meeting yesterday I observed that you did x,y,z”
Effect- “the effect of this was that I was confused/observed the family being confused/meeting was unproductive as the translator was not present etc.”
Pause - just pause for a moment to let them digest the feedback
Suggest - “for future meetings I suggest that you approach it differently by doing a,b,c. Do you have any suggestions on how it could go better next time?”

Main thing is to keep the feedback factual and non emotional

[quote Jellycatspyjamas]**@dublingirl66 speak to her supervisor and make it clear that this trainee isn’t suitable for the job

I’d also suggest the other professionals weren’t up to their job, 20 years in a role and you can’t challenge someone in a meeting? The head teacher neither chaired effectively or protected the families interests, the person you’re complaining about was a trainee, the others round the table have no such excuse.[/quote]
Exactly.

What was her actual role here?

It's really important to know what she was actually doing there tbh.

As brutal as this may sound, sometimes people need to be upset. Sometimes people need a stern talking to. Sometimes people just need a bloody good bollocking. Nobody likes upsetting people, but in certain situations you need to accept that you need to tell someone off and they might react badly but it's a necessary conversation.

There might be any number of 'reasons' for her shit behaviour but, ultimately, she has two choices; appropriate behaviour or a bollocking. She chose inappropriate behaviour so now she needs a bollocking. This isn't your doing; she must know she behaved like a bellend, she must know she overstepped the mark, so now you have to take a deep breath and ensure she learns from this and doesn't repeat it.

I don't understand why a HT would have let all this happen without stepping in and pulling her up.

Makes no sense

Women can lift- great

Really useful
Making a note of that now

If I did this as a trainee I would be so mortified
She needs to know
Feel like the head who called this meeting should make the first move but I will let head know what I plan to do in the morning

A meeting full of experienced professionals let a trainee disrupt and dismiss a meeting set up to support a vulnerable family?

Everyone in the meeting let the family down, not just the trainee.

I’m really not sure it’s your role to offer feedback given you didn’t challenge it in the meeting, have you spoken to the chair of the meeting? Are they going to feedback and arrange another meeting where the family are appropriately represented? I’d be talking to the chair before going to another agency because that’s where the responsibility for this mess rests. Very easy to challenge the trainee, much harder to challenge the chair - if you aren’t going to do both I’d be thinking about why that might be.

I’m seeing lots of blame for the trainee who arguably has the least professional power in the situation.

It’s unclear what your role is exactly so I’m basing this off my own professional experience which is not education based. But I would feed back to the Head (about the success of the meeting more generally and especially about the fuck up over the translator - which if she called the meeting was presumably her responsibility o set up properly) and, assuming the trainee is not under the head, to whomever her mentor/manager is about the trainee’s poor professionalism in the meeting and lack of respect for all parties. I would also feed back to my own supervisor in case there was any kickback along the way and to note my concern at having my time wasted.

This shouldn’t go uncommented on. If professionals who see bad practice in a trainee won’t comment on it how on earth are we going to get decent professionals? There is nothing professional about leaving it, you damage the whole field you work in.

OP you seem equally disturbed by your own lack of action in the meeting and you are shying away from giving feedback that it sounds like you know ought to be given. Have you considered doing some further training in assertiveness in these situations? Either something formal or by calling on your peer network to see if others have experienced similar and ask if they have tips/could help you practice?

So both you and the head sat there whilst a trainee ruined the meeting? You are both completely incompetent. FFS, get some training and learn how to do your job.

Good to know our children are in safe hands. Maleficent, tweedle dumb and tweedle dumber.

I didn't chair this meeting

I wish I had been the chair

I did say -
this is really hard for the family to understand without the interpreter

BUT it continued

There might be any number of 'reasons' for her shit behaviour but, ultimately, she has two choices; appropriate behaviour or a bollocking

I completely agree, the chair needs a bollocking. Oh, wait a second...

Hereeyehereeye disagree with this completely
I will be the one now doing the work to help the family as it was my first meeting with them
And I was the only one who tried to help earlier when the family were struggling to understand but yet it continued

The chair is in charge of the meeting and should ensure that the proceedings are carried out correctly. I chair school admission appeals, and we have a code of practice we have to follow, so I don't understand what has happened here.

It's difficult for me. Some of the families I work with are extremely vulnerable, often need translators, and are frequently let down by the people who are meant to support them. Hence by slightly pissed off tone.

Yes, the chair should raise it. Yes it's fucking unacceptable. Yes, you absolutely should have spoken up

Lesson learnt for next time, and you'll be better equipped to support someone in a vulnerable position.

BTW, there may be a professional body you can speak to, but it's hard to know as you haven't saidwhat her role was within the meeting.

Please answer though, was it a Child in Need meeting?

@Jellycatspyjamas

There might be any number of 'reasons' for her shit behaviour but, ultimately, she has two choices; appropriate behaviour or a bollocking

I completely agree, the chair needs a bollocking. Oh, wait a second...

Hah, to be fair reading other posts on here you're bang-on, the Chair ballsed this up and needs to rectify it.

So as I said will be speaking to the chair straight away in the morning