Worst meeting imaginable today - what to do?

[dublingirl66]

Many many zoom meetings in and I have to say today was the WORSE meeting imaginable

Do I say something to the person who took over

She was awful!!!

Literally took over
Wouldn't let anyone speak
Asked me time and time to slow down when I was slowly and clearly trying to explain something

Wouldn't let a translator join us via zoom as she hadn't put her camera on and she assumed it was someone trying to invade the zoom call

I felt like crying at the end and so want to say something
The family involved felt let down
And I'm just so angry I let her take over
Aibu to maybe speak to her and give feedback ????

Shes a trainee & denied them their right to have a translator? WTAF. That poor family. I think you need to complain to her superior. She can't be allowed to think its ok & she can get away with it. It's abusive, frankly. Total abuse of power,with really vulnerable people gets my hackles right up. Shameful.

Not an ed psych

And yes she should not have done this
I just can't understand why through
Because effectively the meeting was a waste of time and resources

Go to her or her supervisor !??
And I need to phrase it as nicely as possible

Or am I over reacting because it is so so different to how I work?

Why do you need to phrase it nicely?

The chair was the headteacher

Who could not get two words in

I was the professional joining in to start a piece of work next week with them

Awful situation

Why she would think a random person would call in a zoom meeting is beyond me and then insist this translator could not join
Awful

Sorry posted to soon. You need to phrase it professionally and factually but I wouldn’t worry about sugar coating it

Because I don't want to upset her

Especially if she has been going through a tough time

I just want her to please have MORE RESPECT

Another who does not understand your reticence unless the newbie has seniority over you or will have soon and the power dynamic meant you felt obliged to say nothing (Malcolm Gladwell has written about this and its effect on why some planes crash because the deputy pilot left it until the last minute to intervene. See also why children at Okawa primary perished in the tsunami when one teacher might have saved them had he overridden the deputy head#s poor decision-making).
Not comparing your meeting to a plane crash or tragedy of such epic proportions, although it does sound like a train wreck, but if your job is to support the family then they have been badly let down. As for locking out the translator, words fail me.

I think you need to set up a second meeting, do some damage control with the poor family. Then have an agreed agenda (you don't have to send before if that's not appropriate in this context, but should at least share meeting objectives and points to cover), and you need to designate someone as meeting chair, and it is their job to make sure the meeting covers all the points it is supposed to, runs to time, and make sure everyone gets a chance to speak. Chair should also moderate the discussion to some extent. Then summarise points and actions at the end.

You haven't said who was chairing this meeting, and your approach to her supervisor would be a little different depending on whether you were supposed to be chairing it and let her take over.

I think you need to work on your assertiveness OP. I'm boggled that you didn't step in considering you've 20 years (?) more experience than her and were on the call for two whole hours? I would definitely take it above her head to the relevant parties and rearrange the meeting (without her presence if possible) she sounds awful!

Chairing a zoom meeting requires a lot of skills that many of us are still developing- don't be too hard on yourself as this happens to lots of people, the meeting effectively becomes out of control and it is tricky to stop some individuals from taking over.

Maybe find a course that will help you to develop the skills required?
And yes definitely feed back to the individual concerned, again they probably haven't developed the necessary skills for effective participation in this type of meeting.

Face to face meetings are way easier imo.

It’s a safeguarding issue to refuse entry to people in zoom for certain reasons.

I work in education and our safeguarding Zoom protocol is that is the dial in name doesn’t match the name on my manifest I leave them in the waiting room. Also If they refuse to turn a camera on then I kick them out the meeting. It’s for safeguarding. So that issue isn’t worth pursuing.

However it is a neither inclusive or equitable that the faMily did not have adequate support to participate in the meeting and for that reason along the meeting should have been rescheduled. If you look at OFSTED inclusion statement and guidance you’ll find stuff in their to back you up. As well as in the national curriculum pertaining to EAL and minority groups.

I’d be furious too and advocating like mad so a new meeting could be set up. Make sure you contact at the translation services beforehand to ensure they know your zoom protocols.

Are you in social services? Regardless, I think, if the family is vulnerable, and if they were denied access to the translator then they really are entitled to a new meeting. So I would definitely prioritise that, without question.

You don’t need to phrase it nicely you need to phrase it professionally and constructively. I personally would call her supervisor and say you have concerns following the meeting and want to discuss them with both of them. Then a joint call or zoom with both the supervisor and Sally Shocker. I’d start by saying you had been thinking about the meeting a lot and you felt it was important to raise your concerns as you didn’t feel the team as a whole met the family’s needs on that occasion and you’d like to explore why that happened. Without making it personal, say you felt that it was difficult for the family to be heard, partly due to lack of translator (how can we prevent that happening again?) and partly because you felt the meeting had not been structured properly to allow everyone time and space to speak. I would then finish up by addressing Sally Shocked directly and say look I completely understand you’re new to this but I’ve been doing it a long time and I felt you really took over today and some of that is what contributed directly to us not meeting the needs of that family. I appreciate that’s not an easy thing to hear but I hope we can all be professional enough to recognise when things haven’t gone so well and look at ways to improve next time. Then move on...so, shall we set another meeting with x, y z improvements and a more structured approach.

Why didn't the Head ask for the meeting to be adjourned? Why didn't you ask for an adjournment to ask why the interpreter wasn't allowed in or to arrange for a substitute to be arranged.

If the parents couldn't advocate for themselves then the other professionals present jolly well should have done.

The chair was at fault here for not telling her to stop behaving like this.

Oh and if someone is fundamentally disrespectful of others you're not going to be able to change that. It's not your job to make her a decent person but it is (I imagine) your job to ensure the vulnerable family receives the assistance they need. Focus on that and forget about her.

Okay, my flabber is gasted. The headteacher saw this unfold and did not intervene? How high up was the meeting host - were they a head governor or high up in the LEA? I can't fathom why nobody said a dicky bird. Even if OFSTED themselves were messing up this badly, a leader would point out that the pupil should be at the forefront.
Who took the minutes of the meeting and can you get them translated?

X-post.

OK, the headteacher has some blame attached here, what on earth were they thinking to let this go on? There are ways to intervene and shut someone down.

I think you should still speak to this person's supervisor, the blocking of the translator is really inappropriate to start with, and her behaviour needs addressing. You don't need to put it nicely, but presumably looking for 'civil service' type language...

"I'd like to express my concern about x's interactions during the y meeting yesterday. This was the situ, this is what she did, this was the impact. Her treatment of the translator and, most importantly, the family was beyond inappropriate and clearly caused distress to the family, as well as other people on the call. As her supervisor, perhaps this is something you could address with her as a matter of urgency. Happy to discuss in more detail." (That's pretty strong in civil service terms.)

You need to put the needs of the family above not upsetting someone who wasted 2 hours of other professionals time (mentally tot up the cost of that meeting) and left a vulnerable family confused and unheard!

So I was joining as someone who doesn't know the family

The head was sharing

The meeting was for all of us to talk things through
Ask questions and form a plan of support

The family needed an interpreter to understand what was going on

Such a shame

Have emailed back to say I will be meeting with the family again

Not my place to organise another meeting up to the head
Also - the head was also as put out as I was and this is rare for her too
Just a very odd experience

Was it a CIN meeting?

These are so useful

Will be on to it first thing tomorrow

Thank you all

I just could not make sense of this

Who was advocating for the family?

Stop being so flabbergasted by this, and work out how to resolve it. Sorry, not being a dick here, but these people are everywhere. Work out how to deal with her, and work out how you can help to support the family..

Team around the family meeting
I was stepping in to listen to the family and then talk about what I can do next

That wasn't possible without an interpreter

Is she a social worker?