Being too cautious & ruining husbands social life?

[SparklingPinot]

Sorry because far too many of these posts about but I can’t tell what’s right anymore! I’m just about to hit 6 x months pregnant with our rainbow baby & because of Covid & other health conditions (asthma & thyroid altho was never in a ‘shielding’ category), I’ve been pretty cautious..mostly meeting friends outside over the summer, not meeting big groups (even before the rule of 6), rarely going to friends houses (kind of just starting to now, again, again avoiding groups). Husband and I have still kept up a weekly date night to a nice restaurant wherever possible & husband is still going to the pub with his mates at least once a week - I don’t feel like I’ve stopped him doing anything. I’m happy to be this way, this pregnancy is so important to me & for the 3 x months I have left I would rather avoid risk as much as possible. DH works in a trade so is with people all the time (socially distancing where possible, he tells me) so I’m aware a Covid risk will come thro him but clearly this is unavoidable.
Over the weekend we had some very heated discussions resulting in a huge argument (which is still ongoing) because he has said “the way I am being” is affecting his life. Before the pandemic we would host friends for dinner / drinks regularly & since finding out i was pregnant I’ve not been (and am still not) comfortable having friends over (all of our good friends have children so them coming over would involve them bringing their school age children too). He is saying he feels trapped & lonely, that not being able to have friends over is affecting his mental health.
I love our friends dearly but none of them are really taking Covid seriously anymore, 2 of them are key workers too & I just don’t feel comfortable hosting at the moment. But I also don’t want to ruin my relationship or my husbands mental health.

Should I relent & start having people round on weekends again?
Never have I ever wanted to know peoples opinions so much, AIBU?
Thanks for reading if you got this far!!

Are you even allowed to have people round? We're not allowed to have anyone in our home or garden in my part of England...I've lost track of the rules elsewhere though.

Sadly (for me!) yes we are! Yet cases are on the rise again in the area we live in.

There's a worldwide pandemic and he's crying because you go out on a date night once a week, he goes to the pub once a week with mates but he still wants parties at home?

Was he this much of a bellend before you became pregnant?

Ah so you can't use that as a reason. He is being unreasonable though, especially with you being pregnant. I'm also asthmatic (and fat!) so have been being very careful since this all began. If you don't feel comfortable having people round, don't do it.

What about when you have a small non sleeping very demanding new person in the house and the date nights and pub visits are more difficult?
Will he feel “sad and lonely “ then too?

Dickhead

Sorry “trapped and lonely “
Still a Dickhead

Even without Covid I felt very much less keen on "hosting" people once I got into the 3rd trimester. Waddling around cooking nice stuff (because standards) finding even small portions too big but needing to eat another thing later and sitting "properly" got tedious once baby was bigger!

Your husband is being a dick. He’s out all day talking to people at work, he goes out with you, he goes to the pub, and he’s moaning because he can’t spend yet MORE time with people? He’s going to get the shock of his life when a baby arrives on the scene. His mental health is not being affected - he’s just not getting everything he wants anymore and has gone in a big childish strop about it.

After 28 weeks gestation you are supposed to work home where possible and definitely in a non person facing role. So I definitely don’t think you are being unreasonable.
I am a nhs worker who was pregnant during the pandemic. Maybe explain it to him in a way that if has Covid symptoms when you go into labour he will not be allowed at the birth? (In my trust anyway). I went into early labour at 34 weeks so you can’t always just isolate from 37 weeks.
But at the end of the day it’s you and your baby you’re protecting. 😊

He's a selfish idiot.

He needs to grow the fuck up.

He's arsehole who will have a massive shock when the baby comes....be prepared for him to swan off all the time, leave everything to you and still complain his life isn't the same anymore. Does not bode well for the future.

I also echo the above question - what does he think will happen to his social life once his baby is born? Does he think he'll still be going out and having friends over constantly?

Honestly it sounds like you're both out and about a fair amount doing avoidable things - you are hardly being hermits (this is not judgemental, I think we all need to be doing some things out of the house at this stage for our mental health). Could you go out to your mums / out for a walk if he's so keen to have people round? I guess he's not actually super desperate to actually do the hosting... cooking, shopping for your guests. Which tells you all you need to know.

Reading your op, I'm concerned that he will start crying "mental health issues!!" and. "can't cope!!" when you have a newborn in the household. Have you discussed expectations about shared parenting responsibilities with him?

Tell him that he is oy getting a preview of what life with baby is going to be like!

Regularly inviting friends over for nice meals and drinking parties is a thing of the past for some years so he might as well get used to it and work on his MH now.

Your husband is behaving like a prick. Besides everything else that's going on, at 6 months pregnant you're certainly entitled to a bit of peace and quiet, not running around cooking and entertaining house guests.

You're not being unreasonable at all. I completely understand how you feel and would be the same. You and baby need to come first. You say he is still going to the pub and working so it isn't as though he is in complete isolation. You don't have long left until baby comes, it is so not worth the risk (even if it is tiny) and anxiety it causes you.
He is being ridiculous and needs to suck it up.

I don't think you are being unreasonable, but I also don't think your husband is necessarily just being a dick.

I think the restrictions are starting to wear on a lot of people, and it's not that any of them are so huge over-all, it's all the little things. I was bumbling alone quite fine, even when we were largely confined to home, until masks became mandentory here. Since then, as school has started but activities haven't, and because going out with the mask is actually an issue - not one that keeps me doing necessary things but it keeps me largely from going to a concert, or the farmers market where no one can here me, from having everyday casual interactions with people - my stress level has suddenly gone through the roof. It's been very surprising to me in a way but then, I think people can only modify behaviour for so long on an ongoing basis. And it's even more so where the rules keep adjusting There isn't any routine, you can't make plans, no one knows how long they intend to keep up with this stuff or what.

Anyway, all this is to say, I am chill about most stuff and have lots of family and am an introvert, but I am finding I'm now becoming anxious and a bit lonely and it's affecting my general mood and behaviour and spilling into other areas if I'm not careful. It might be that your husband is feeling similarly but is pinning it on the household visiting issue, because it seems an obvious change, or something within his control.

I'd try sitting down and having a good clear talk about what is sensible, in terms of the pregnancy but also the fact that you will likely be too tired for much visiting. And how you will manage when the baby comes too. I'd include putting some thought into how you can both try and get some social time and breaks.

YANBU at all OP.
I’m also astonished he feels “trapped and lonely” despite having drinks with his friends and a date night every week.
More then most.

Is this really about something else?

He is probably having some baby anxiety about how your lives will change and God forbid, he might take second place.

He does realise that everyone's Ives have changed and its not just because you are pregnant, right? He sounds like a self obsessed twat. He's still getting to go out with you, he's still going out with friends, but he's starting fights with you because you won't host parties in the house? I would tell him to grow the fuck up. He won't even be doing the things he's doing now when the new baby comes. What's he going to do then?

So does he want to carry on as he was before even though there is a pandemic and you're pregnant? Is he happy to overrule medical advice and with the risks to you and the baby? Where is he going to compromise? I think it's fair enough if he wants to continue to see friends, and it would be unreasonable of you to stop that completely, but I don't see why he can't compromise and do that in somewhere that's a bit safer than having them all over with their kids to your house. If his mental health is suffering because of lack of seeing friends then he would be happy to see them in the park for a walk or something surely? It sounds from your OP like he is just wanting it all his own way irrespective of the risks to you or your feelings about it, and is going to argue until he gets what he wants

What a twat OP.

I hope you are not going to regret having a child with such an immature, selfish man.

He sounds a very self pitying man, his life is not ruined because his social life has been curtailed, and his self diagnosed mental health issue because of this is just stupid, as he sees people at work in the outside world etc.