Being too cautious & ruining husbands social life?

[SparklingPinot]

Sorry because far too many of these posts about but I can’t tell what’s right anymore! I’m just about to hit 6 x months pregnant with our rainbow baby & because of Covid & other health conditions (asthma & thyroid altho was never in a ‘shielding’ category), I’ve been pretty cautious..mostly meeting friends outside over the summer, not meeting big groups (even before the rule of 6), rarely going to friends houses (kind of just starting to now, again, again avoiding groups). Husband and I have still kept up a weekly date night to a nice restaurant wherever possible & husband is still going to the pub with his mates at least once a week - I don’t feel like I’ve stopped him doing anything. I’m happy to be this way, this pregnancy is so important to me & for the 3 x months I have left I would rather avoid risk as much as possible. DH works in a trade so is with people all the time (socially distancing where possible, he tells me) so I’m aware a Covid risk will come thro him but clearly this is unavoidable.
Over the weekend we had some very heated discussions resulting in a huge argument (which is still ongoing) because he has said “the way I am being” is affecting his life. Before the pandemic we would host friends for dinner / drinks regularly & since finding out i was pregnant I’ve not been (and am still not) comfortable having friends over (all of our good friends have children so them coming over would involve them bringing their school age children too). He is saying he feels trapped & lonely, that not being able to have friends over is affecting his mental health.
I love our friends dearly but none of them are really taking Covid seriously anymore, 2 of them are key workers too & I just don’t feel comfortable hosting at the moment. But I also don’t want to ruin my relationship or my husbands mental health.

Should I relent & start having people round on weekends again?
Never have I ever wanted to know peoples opinions so much, AIBU?
Thanks for reading if you got this far!!

Crikey op, does your husband know that in three months won't be the only whingy baby in the house? At least one of them will grow up at least.

FWIW, in your shoes I would be just as cautious. Sincerely hope he snaps out of this mindset, Covid is going to be with us for some time.

He's a selfish twat and this doesn't bode well for when the baby arrives...is he planning on handing a newborn around in the middle of a pandemic?

Your husband spends every weekday surrounded by people, has two nights out a week and he is trapped and lonely? What a melodramatic, selfish dickhead.

When I got to the bit about key workers, that was enough for me to think you are being reasonable.

I'm not sure your DH should be going to the pub even.

Err, does he understand what having a baby involves? Does he understand that you can't just leave it home alone like a dog? That when you have had two hours sleep in the last 24, you won't want to socialise, and you will expect him to take over LO while you get some rest??

He sounds like an immature spoilt pillock who thinks his need for a dinner party is more important than protecting his wife and child! Has he always been like that?

Oh he is going to be a fucking nightmare once the baby comes!! It will be all I miss my friends, bla bla bla the lads, boo hoo I'm so tired, waaaaa it's just not the same etc etc

Covid aside, is he expecting you to be hosting every week with a newborn once baby arrives? It sounds like parenthood might come as a bit of a shock to him.

I think YANBU especially since you are still doing stuff anyway - you're going out more than me and I have no health conditions etc.

If you have a garden would you be comfortable having people round outside? Or meeting to go to a pub garden/meeting friends in a restaurant?

Does he not want to keep you and baby safe? He already gets a date night and a night out at the pub every week. That’s reasonable and a lot more then most people are getting right now! How can he want more when it ours you at risk?

Defo a self absorbed spoilt dickhead

I think he needs to prepare himself for being a parent where he’d be lucky to have once a week date night and night at the pub. Don’t put yourself out of your comfort zone at this vulnerable time.

Surely a meal out a week and a night out at the pub once a week is enough?

I agree with pp's who say he's unreasonable.

He's being a selfish arse. OK if you were keeping him locked in 24/7 maybe it would be affecting his mental health, but not having dinner parties? FFS.

He gets to go out at least twice a week. That's loads.

He's BU to want to add to that.

Honestly even if it weren't for COVID, towards the end of a pregnancy going out every week for dinner AND him being in the pub 1-2 times a week would be quite a lot really.

Are you sure this guy is going to be any good as a dad? His life will be curtailed considerably more than this when baby arrives... or it should be, unless you have a lot of help waiting in the wings and you're ok leaving baby with someone else from birth basically...

YABU to expect him to go further than following the rules, he’s doing enough.

He should be allowed to invite people over because it’s within the rules, It’s his house too and it’s just your anxiety that is stopping things. It is never fair for a persons anxiety to control someone else.

FFS. He's soon to be a dad and we're in the middle of a global pandemic. Has he got his head round these things, because it sounds like his body is in 2020 but his brain is still in 2015. He needs to grow up or the baby will be too much for him.

DH and I are being far more cautious than you, although I am further along. No pubs, restaurants etc. Your DH seems to be putting a lot of the blame of the pandemic on your shoulders... If you weren't pregnant he would still be restricted by the guidelines, and if there were no pandemic and you were pregnant, you would still not likely be up for as much hosting as you've previously done. He seems to expect nothing to change for him when this baby arrives. I agree with everyone else that he's being a dick, and when the baby arrives he's going to have to pull on some big boy pants and won't be having as much of a social life as he is now. Didums. I hope, for your sake, op, he steps up when baby arrives. Big hugs.

Aside from Coronavirus, that's a fairly active social life for being 3 months away from parenthood, and it will be curtailed soon enough as you reach the final weeks of pregnancy. He's got to get used to it anyway!

Taking Coronavirus into account, while I'm very far from being a lockdown enthusiast it is lowest risk meeting people outdoors, then controlled environments with good ventilation. Spread in domestic environments is a significant risk and it is sensible to minimise visitors to your home.

@NailsNeedDoing

YABU to expect him to go further than following the rules, he’s doing enough.

He should be allowed to invite people over because it’s within the rules, It’s his house too and it’s just your anxiety that is stopping things. It is never fair for a persons anxiety to control someone else.

Really? If you are married to someone you are a team. You discuss and agree what you are willing to do as a household. It takes a bit of compromise both ways, but would you really not care about the health of your loved one? It's not like he's banned from seeing friends or going out, he gets that weekly!

Pregnant women aren't supposed to follow any extra precautions. They're supposed to stick to the same ones as everyone else. Unfortunately many people aren't taking it seriously. Does your husband think everyone will stay 2m apart? Deludes. On that basis, I wouldn't invite people around to my house every week and think your husband is being very unreasonable.

Thanks all, wow I wasn’t expecting so many responses, never made a post like this. This is all really helpful, thanks to everyone that’s responded. Its tough when people (not just DH) think your being OTT. This has been a long time coming as we’ve had totally different views on the pandemic since it started & I think he’s just been biting his tongue because of the pregnancy. FWIW the MH issues aren’t self-diagnosed as such, he has suffered with depression in the past...so much so that it did feel like this has all come from a dark place rather than a selfish twat place. I do think as some of you have suggested there is some baby anxiety there on his part too.

@CalmdownJanet 😂😂😂🙈😫 yes this has crossed my mind...

@Tonightstheteriyakichicken thanks - that’s helpful to hear, been starting to doubt myself. It doesn’t help that his sister is pregnant & doing LOADS (but she does have other kids who are back at school so 🤷🏻‍♀️).

@EachPeachPearSums I haven’t broached the discussion about what will happen when the baby is born in the sense of having people round to see it as I don’t see the point of having a row now when things are changing all the time...but as it stands I don’t want everyone in his large extended family handling the baby & I know that’s going to cause issues too but hey that will be a separate thread entirely! 🤦🏻‍♀️

@Goosefoot thanks for your particularly measured response, & the helpful advice. He’s not your typical dickhead (I spent a long time with a selfish semi-abusing dickhead narcissist before this so I have literally got the t shirt on selfish pricks). We definitely need to have a think about how things will work when the baby comes. DH is very good & does a LOT for me (inc most of the cooking), but already I can see that the baby is going to change my life more than his, which he says is unfair to say...but it’s true. Is that the nature of being a woman?! Who knows & def a separate thread topic, god when did life become so hard! 😂

He's being a total selfish dickhead. Covid or no covid, why should you have to host people in your home if you don't feel like it? You're in the last three months of pregnancy and I think it's very natural that you might prefer to just relax in your own company. Also if he's going out at least twice a week to a pub or restaurant and still complaining, he's being utterly pathetic imo. I hope he steps up once the baby is born. Sending you and your rainbow baby luck and positive vibes! Stand your ground.

I’m 100% with you on this one, OP. I’m not pregnant but I am asthmatic and over 50 so I’m being even more cautious than you. I haven’t socialised with anyone I don’t live with since March. Your DH is being inconsiderate and selfish. He will be able to resume his social life when this nightmare is over.

You need to start telling him to get a real grip OP.

Believe me, his brand of drama will irritate the hell out of you when you are looking after a new baby.

Any partner that isn't making things easier and working with you is a liability.

He needs to man up or you will find yourself with a dose of the ICK.

Nothing as unattractive as a man that doesn't have his shit together.