Friend's DD hitting me

[GlummyMcGlummerson]

Met my very close friend today with our 4yo's. In the last few weeks whenever I've seen her her DD, at some point, comes and hits me. Not in anger, she thinks it's funny, and will punch me on the leg or in the belly then laugh. Having had 2 children, I understand these things happen - but my friend does nothing. I tell her DD off and say "Do not hit me that isn't nice" but my friend just kind of looks on and says absolutely nothing. If my DS hit my friend I'd be mortified. It's not especially painful, but I don't like it all the same and even if she's doing it because she thinks it's funny I don't think it should be encouraged. WIBU to tell my friend that I think she needs to tell her DD to stop? Is there a way to do that diplomatically?

BTW she also hits my friend, in anger, and my friend says nothing. Not even a "don't do that". It's like it hasn't happened. She's hit my son on occasion too, he's quite sensitive and gets upset and never retaliates (beyond growling at her). Again, my friend says nothing to her, it's down to me to tell her off.

Why don't you ask your friend "are you going to deal with that or am I?" Sort of highlight the issue to her.

Do you really want to still see this friend when she clearly won't do anything about your DS and you being hit??

Just stop seeing her.

I think I would just get up and leave if this happened again

Tell her to stop doing it or she won't be welcome again.

That should get a rise out of your friend and if it doesn't the little brat might take note.

I am quite happy for kids not to like me if they don't know how to behave.

If that doesn't work avoid them or tell you friend straight that you are not happy to put up with it.

Life is too short.

I would not be having my child or myself around this child anymore, so I would either tell the child off myself if I felt I wanted to or just stop seeing them.

I would just leave. End the play date. Immediately. Tell your friend you’ve had enough of being hit.

Or have some fun. Show the girl a lolly and tell her that it was for her but now she’s hit you she can’t have it. Then happily eat the lolly yourself without hesitation

Best option would just be seeing your friend in the evenings when the kids are in bed. Wine, takeaway. Film

I think I'd be flouncing off early as i wouldn't be too bothered about doing it again either

@SkiingIsHeaven

Tell her to stop doing it or she won't be welcome again.

That should get a rise out of your friend and if it doesn't the little brat might take note.

I am quite happy for kids not to like me if they don't know how to behave.

If that doesn't work avoid them or tell you friend straight that you are not happy to put up with it.

Life is too short.

Exactly this. I had this once. Her DS hit me -hard, I looked at her, she did nothing-I said very firmly -when friend didn't address it -we don't hit in this house -anyone at any time. DS then did it again and they were in my house. Mother did nothing. Not even told him off. I said "I've told your DS we don't hit in this house and you have just witnessed him doing it again -are you going to give him a time out or are you leaving" -she shrugged I got their coats. Never saw either of them again and I was fine with it.

I wouldn't be spending my time with a person who is seemingly unwilling to properly discipline her unruly child.

Sorry i pressed too early above here's the rest

If you're friend is a close friend as you say OP then why have you been unable to say anything?

I'd do the Paddington Bear stare on the first hit and say something like ' what on earth was that ? We don't hit it's unkind'. Then ignore.

In the second hit I'd be gathering up my ds and saying if you can't play nicely I think it's time to go. Then leave.

The mum sounds like a drip, I can't see things improving with that attitude and I wouldn't see it as my battle to take on either

After the second hit I certainly wouldn't hold back if the parent is doing nothing to discipline her child. Obviously I wouldn't go for direct discipline, but I would certainly say something like "No-one likes being hit, please stop that now".

Have you spoken to your friend about this? You could at the very least point out that her child is going to have a world of trouble in nursery and school if this isn't sorted out.

A firm, strong voice, a palm held upward and a ''NO!'' with a hard stare works wonders.
Don't fanny about with ''We don't hit, that's not nice''...A short, strong ''NO!'' with palm in a 'stop' position works better than pleading or explaining.
Kids that hit and think it's funny { Usually with a feeble parent who does nothing} are quite beyond the pale.

Channel your inner Supernanny.

@Aquamarine1029

I wouldn't be spending my time with a person who is seemingly unwilling to properly discipline her unruly child.

Ditto.

I would stop all conversation and show complete shock. Say to your friend clearly "your DD just hit me/DS". Wait for a reply. It may lead to several minutes of uncomfortable silence, but look directly at her to respond. If she changes the subject repeat the same line and wait for a response. If she tries to bypass it say that you don't agree with hitting as a family and your DS would have had time out/need to apologise etc. If she doesn't get it and doesn't do anything I would rethink the friendship.

Oh Lord save us from "ignore the bad behaviour and praise the good" parenting school.

Its BOLLOCKS.

I had the misfortune to be at a toddler group with Alexanders mum. Alexander was a little shit. Alexanders Mummy followed this school of thought. After many parents complained because he was kicking the shit out of their kids and she did nothing, she moved on to "Alexander, we dont do that...." and did precisely nothing else. She was asked to leave. Pity as his little brother was a delight, but equally bullied by Alexander and we all felt for him as she wouldnt even defend her younger child.

He is the same age as DD, 16, and has been "removed" from 3 schools according to his mother as he has been victimised. I happen to know he was excluded from all 3 and is now at the special unit for kids who cannot get a school place anywhere because of their behaviour. His younger brother is doing well at the first school he went to (my kids school) and is, despite everything, a lovely lad. Although I wouldnt like his therapy bill when he is older......

V long way of saying, walk away. Tell her that you will not tolerate her childs violent behaviour and that you will not allow your child or yourself to be put in danger. Use those words, she is minimising and needs to see the reality.

I’d be reconsidering the friendship to be honest. Alternatively, meeting up kid free to avoid any confrontation due to her ds

"WIBU to tell my friend that I think she needs to tell her DD to stop? Is there a way to do that diplomatically?"
Honestly, I'm wondering why you didn't tell your friend that the first time it happened.

I'm not too sure I'd be diplomatic. But my most likely approach would be when arrangements to meet are being made. Once date and time were agreed, I would be asking 'And are you going to stop your child hitting me and my child this time?' Any hesitation on her part and I would be saying 'best we leave it then'. I would want her to absolutely know that the reason I am cancelling is her abdicating responsibility.

@Porridgeoat

Or have some fun. Show the girl a lolly and tell her that it was for her but now she’s hit you she can’t have it. Then happily eat the lolly yourself without hesitation

Your idea of fun is to torment a FOUR YEAR OLD? What a nasty person you are.

I would stop seeing her with the children. Bad enough for you to be hit, but do you really want your child to be a punching bag?

I look after children and honestly am always surprised at how many parents let their children hit them and do nothing. Some of them actually laugh it off. Yeah great, but ots not that funny when they are punching other kids in a temper. Funnily enough I've never ever had one hit me.

If she does it again I would look at her mother and ask her why her child is hitting you, and if she thinks that's acceptable. Depending on her answer, tell her if she does it again you will knock her out . Not really, but I would tell her you won't be seeing her anymore and why.

I think you've handled it well so far. The question is, do you want to continue dealing with such nonsense? I tend to think that life's too short. I would probably ease out.

This is why we have kids in schools hitting others. Then the kids who've been properly brought up and taught how to behave have to deal with it.

Not including children with additional needs in this of course, they're not the same at all and their behaviour needs to be addressed in a different way.

I would speak to friend and give her a chance to deal with it. If she still says nothing then I wouldn’t see them anymore.

There are some men who ‘forbid’ their partners from disciplining children, do you get that vibe from her?