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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Teenage daughter is being threatened

54 replies

Scaredmumhelp · 05/10/2020 21:34

My dd got into an argument yesterday via snapchat as this girl accused her of chatting up her boyfriend. The girl was immediately vile to dd and she was stupid enough to be vile back even though she doesn't even know the lad involved at all.
I told her to stop engaging as you never know who you're dealing with but it's too late. Since found out that this girl and her mate are 1 and 2yrs older than dd and are hard as fuck in dd's words. All her mates know of them and videos have been shown of her fighting. She has beaten up grown men in public places etc etc. She has every bit of info about my dd including name, address, phone number, college timetable, her best friends, where she hangs out etc etc. All this was provided to her by another girl who dd used to be friends with at school but isn't anymore. This girl has told dd she's coming to get her tonight and dd has been avoiding her. Dd is now home thank god but I'm worried sick. It's only a matter of time before she catches up with her. If i inform the police will they do anything? Dd has blocked the girl now so there's no record of what has been said and my concern is they will just think she is almost as bad for arguing back with her in the first place.

OP posts:

CoRhona · 05/10/2020 21:56

Is she at college with your DD? If so, I'd start there.

lili12300 · 05/10/2020 22:00

I'm sorry to hear this, you must be terrified. Hope your DD is ok, I'm thinking call the police maybe?

nimbuscloud · 05/10/2020 22:03

Call the police.

AngelicInnocent · 05/10/2020 22:04

If she is as bad as you say, she will already be known to the police. Unfortunately, she probably won't be too worried by them though.

Original poster

Scaredmumhelp · 05/10/2020 22:18

I don't think they are at college no. She just screenshotted my dd's college timetable to her to intimidate her and to prove she knew where she would be at all times to come and get her.
Dd doesn't have to be in college this week though as it's online.
I can call police tomorrow but with no proof what could they do? I don't really know how snapchat works. If she unblocks her will the info be there?

OP posts:

Atalune · 05/10/2020 22:22

Speak to the college.

Does Dd have friends to go to/from college with? Could you collect her?

I’m sure it will blow over.

Serin · 05/10/2020 22:26

God that is awful.
I would seriously inform the police and ask for advice. Its threatening behaviour.
Absolutely not on.

TellySavalashairbrush · 05/10/2020 22:28

Staying at home for the next few days would be best, don’t let her go on social media for a while too. It should blow over but my daughter had a similar experience as a teen and I found talking to school/college made things worse. Ignore them and advise her friends to do the same.

Scantilydoesit · 05/10/2020 22:36

I would contact safeguarding team at school/college. If no joy there 101. They are well trained in this social media bullying now. Have you got any cameras outside your home just in case? Any chance she would take one of those alarms around in her pocket, they are really loud and might stun them if they approach her.

Notcontent · 05/10/2020 22:41

In that sort of situation I would definitely contact the police and I would make sure they treat it seriously.

AmIACowBag · 05/10/2020 23:37

Call the police if she is being threatened don't just wait for her to get beat up.

seayork2020 · 05/10/2020 23:41

Call the police

Porridgeoat · 05/10/2020 23:48

I would message the girl myself and say that you’ve contacted the police and are logging all her abusive behaviour to a vulnerable younger child. Then block her. Your DD also needs to block her.

Monty27 · 05/10/2020 23:50

OP this is awful.
I agree with other posters work through the school. They'll protect you ttoo. They know how to deal with this within the correct procedures (agencies) and the little gits are dealt with effectively and they'll know not to do it again. Your poor dd.
It is not on.

Storyoftonight · 05/10/2020 23:52

Just a wee bit of advice on Snapchat.

You can adjust settings to either messages disappearing after viewing or within 24 hours but the other person can change this at whim.

If she has blocked her she will have no record of the messages however neither will the other girl as your DD would have been notified had she copied /screenshotted (although in this day and age there is nothing to stop them taking a photo from another phone).

This is by the by but I have Snapchat so can help in this regard.

Call the police. They won't be interested in who said what - only criminal activity which this is.

Pinkchocolate · 05/10/2020 23:55

Oh I feel for you. I was in a similar situation once with my DD at sixth form and the school put the girl in isolation. See if the college will step in. Keep your DD home this week and tell her what to do if she sees her out and is scared (call the police). I’d drive her around rather than let her get public transport if I could too. Good luck OP, parenting teen girls is so difficult.

MsKeats · 06/10/2020 00:11

Police and report. Pre-empt any threat.

Flaxmeadow · 06/10/2020 00:17

Years ago, when i was young and living on a tough council estate, I would have said go round and see the girls mother and threaten her, in front of the bully daughter. See how the bully likes that eh?

But that's no good, I know

Call the police

AbsentmindedWoman · 06/10/2020 00:43

I would message the girl myself and say that you’ve contacted the police and are logging all her abusive behaviour to a vulnerable younger child.

Yeah, don't do this. Don't call your daughter a 'vulnerable younger child' in your dealings with the fruitloop bully.

FishTaco101 · 06/10/2020 00:51

Why in the world wouldnt you screenshot these things before blocking the individual? To everyone saying to call the police, they are going to brush this aside for that particular reason.
Props calling your own daughter stupid, how ridiculous. Sure that was immature but she is a teenage girl, what exactly do you expect from her..?

SandAndSea · 06/10/2020 01:03

I would call the police.

I have experience of a similar situation (which led to ABH). Long story short: The police came round. We knew the parents and asked the girl's Dad to come round too. He was utterly mortified. It put a stop to the whole thing.

Elsewyre · 06/10/2020 03:04

@Porridgeoat

I would message the girl myself and say that you’ve contacted the police and are logging all her abusive behaviour to a vulnerable younger child. Then block her. Your DD also needs to block her.

These sound like the snitches get stitches type....

bebarkered · 06/10/2020 04:42

I'd be a bit wary of contacting the police at this stage. What will they be able to do? Not much I wouldn't imagine, other than have a bit of a chat with said girl? Maybe if it was left for now it may blow over? Obviously go to the police if necessary later. Good luck xx

LaBellina · 06/10/2020 04:51

Call the police.
If the girl shows up at your door, don't waste any time trying to reason with her but lock the door and call the police again.

Do not engage with these violent bullies but let the authorities handle them.
If your DD is afraid the girl might attack her at college, also notify security at university, and consider wearing a bodycam for a fee weeks as well as carry a small bottle of hairspray or deodorant that she can use to defend herself. Krav maga is a very good self defense sports that teaches you quickly to escape violent situations and might make her feel more secure.

Original poster

Scaredmumhelp · 06/10/2020 06:19

Thank you for the answers. I will report it today. Dd doesn't have to go to college for the rest of the week. I don't think these girls go there anyway but they know when dd normally would as they have her timetable. Dd is 16. The main girl is 17 but her mate is 18. Don't think it's her thats made threats though. If dd unblocks her on smapchat she will probably message her again which might get proof but then the other girl will be notified which might make it worse? Also when I called dd stupid I meant she was stupid for getting mouthy with a stranger and allowing it to escalate. If she had have said she didn't know what the girl was talking about in the first place and ignored the abuse it might not have come to this.

OP posts:

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