I think my dd needs a specialist assessment or I am being ‘that’ mum?

[Zofloramummy]

My dd is 9 years old. She is a lovely, kind, artistic, musical child. She loves maths and science and finding out how things work. She has a close knit bunch of friends and an active imagination.

I’ve been worried about her reading and writing for a while and have discussed this with her teachers and they’ve always said she is within the parameters of ‘normal’.

However she has a reading age of 7, can’t tell the time on a clock face, can’t spell high frequency words, she writes letters and numbers backwards, is disorganised and a dreamer. She struggles to get to sleep at night. She still wets the bed regularly. She can’t tie shoelaces. She has a very restricted diet and won’t try new foods. However she can become quite involved in intricate activities (art and crafts) and can problem solve really well.

She doesn’t like routine changes and likes to plan everything and have a schedule! As soon as she gets home she takes off all her clothes.

I suspect she may have dyslexia and possibly adhd. I’ve asked the school for an assessment. Am I being the over anxious single parent or am I right to be concerned that she is struggling without the correct support?

She has been selected for the last 3 years to go into small groups for additional teaching support with basic skills, but the school don’t seem at all concerned that there maybe an underlying issue.

Anyone in a similar position?

Of course it's completely reasonable for you to investigate further as to why she is struggling. School senco should be able to conduct a dyslexia test very easily. It may be worth arranging a meeting with the senco to discuss your concerns. Please don't label yourself as 'That mum', you have a genuine concern about your child and are seeking advice and support.

My son was referred recently for what seemed very low level concerns and he is in the middle of being assessed now. I don't think it's going to end up in getting a formal diagnosis but I'm so glad that we did pursue it (teachers picked it up initially) as any extra help or insight is welcome.

She thrived during lockdown and was dry at night. Since starting school again she has become withdrawn and monosyllabic. She has also started wetting again and is really tired when she gets home. I think she is frustrated and can’t express it to me for fear of failure. She adores spending time with her friends and the social aspect of school, but the desire to learn new things seems to have disappeared. I’m worried. I think she puts a ‘face’ on all day at school and is shattered and needs space to decompress when she gets home.

I feel like I can’t help her, I don’t know what to do.

Please google infant reflexes not going dormant as also can present as what you describe.

If you can afford it in would pay for a private Ed psych assessment.

Thank you for the reassurance.

My daughter presented a few of those 'symptoms' and she was diagnosed with Dyspraxia. She was tired through trying to concentrate, processing info at school. Didnt do the wetting but could do the shoe laces. I would investigate x

You might also want to investigate autism in girls and dyspraxia.
All these things overlap.

Primary schools are not experts in these things, definitely ask for an assessment. Write a list of the things you are concerned about, and see if you can find appropriate age checklists for dyslexia, ADHD, dyspraxia & autism.

Yes i think she does need assessment as she clearly has issues and is 9 so secondary school will be coming up soon.
She could also have sensory processing issues/autism. I agree that you are right to push for assessment for her. My youngest has autism and some of the issues you mentioned are common with autism and ADHD. There is a lot of overlap. Also girls present very differently and can often 'mask' issues at school by copying others so problems can be overlooked if they dont have typical problems.

I have experience of pupils with those traits being diagnosed with dyspraxia. Have a look at the dyspraxia foundation website. School should have things in place regardless of a diagnosis.

People often know the physical traits, but are unaware of the organisational issues.

I am in a similar position - ignored it for the last 2 years as didn’t want to be “that parent” either but have now decided I want a dyslexia screening. I think it sounds like a perfectly reasonable thing to do under the circumstances

My dd was diagnosed with mild dyslexia aged 10, she had some of the symptoms you describe.

Do you have any local dyslexia charities/organisations? I found one which would do a basic screening for £50. It's not diagnostic but gives you enough of an indication to know whether a full diagnosis is worth chasing.

I was fobbed off by primary. My DD was eventually diagnosed with dyspraxia in year 11.

I was fobbed off in primary and my son was diagnosed with dyspraxia and adhd in year 9 at secondary - it really messed with his confidence and his attainment.

Similar issues as your daughter.

I would be "that" parent - it's really important to get support in place before secondary.

I was also fobbed off by Primary. I paid for the screening half way through Yr 7 and so glad I did. Secondary have taken that as enough to put some measures in place (she's Yr 9 now) and said not to worry about a proper diagnostic report til she's closer to GCSEs.

It's had a huge impact on her self confidence.

I'd trust your instincts. Dc1 diagnosis ADHD at 14 but not hyper and doing ok so never flagged up, I pushed as I knew there was something but didn't know exactly what. Dc2 also has a diagnosis of social communication problems and sensory issue but was told by school there was definitely nothing"wrong" with him, I knew there was something but s&l said he was masking at school and he definitely did need support.

I’ve just heard back from my dd’s teacher, no worries apparently about her abilities.

Except they also mentioned

• she is often so engrossed in an activity she doesn’t hear instructions
• she does write numbers and letters backwards but apparently that’s ok (at year 5)
• they’d like to enrol her do IDL online learning alongside the additional tutoring in a small group to help her spelling

But it’s all ok, she’s fine according to the teacher.

These comments are just so helpful, it isn’t glaringly obvious from the outside, but I know my dd, and she needs an assessment.

Agree that before secondary is really important, so sorry @TeenPlusTwenties year 11! That’s awful.

Bs, op the school sound awful.

Can you afford a private assessment?

Don't leave it any longer. Unfortunately during my own journey I've come to realise actually, teacher training doesn't include spotting any sen and then there are more worries about school budgets then helping the child..
I'm sure the school would be happy to let your dd slip quietly through, no money spent on her and push her along to be someone else's problem.
It was outside paid help that told me exactly what was going on with my dd and now I've been able to support her.

@AutumnleavesturntoGold I would find the money for an assessment. Can I ask, where did you go to source your assessment?

It sounds a lot like dyslexia to me, she seems just like my dd's best friend when they were that age. They only managed to get her assessed because there were already two other family members with dyslexia. I suspect they would have found it extremely difficult to get a diagnosis otherwise.

You sound like a great Mum, well done for noticing your DD's struggles and wanting to help.

Please don't pay for basic screening tests, there are loads online for free and checklists of traits for all types of AN. Also look for the presentation in girls, you can find they are very different to the presentation of the same condition in boys.

As other posters have said, many of the traits of different conditions overlap, so you are better requesting an assessment done by a multi-disciplinary team of professionals e.g. Paed, Ed Psych, OT and SLT, so they can determine which diagnosis or diagnoses best fits your child.

She thrived during lockdown and was dry at night
Probably because whatever is stressing her out at school (the trigger) was removed during that time and her anxiety was at easily manageable levels. With anxiety, which is present in a lot of AN, if you can remove or lessen the triggers, the presentations of the anxiety that you see can lessen considerably.

I think she puts a ‘face’ on all day at school
You're right, it's called 'Masking' there's lots of info online.
and is shattered and needs space to decompress when she gets home
Yes, because of the effort she's had to make to mask. This is very common.
Do you have or can you make a 'safe space' with things she loves in it for her where she can relax until she's regained enough energy to reconnect with you? At age 9, my dd liked a small pop up tent filled with cuddly toys, soft plush fleecy blankets and cushions, a weighted quilt, and soft small battery lights. warm, cosy and quiet. Perhaps you could make a 'safe space' for her together.

For her apparent lack of energy, look at 'Spoon theory' which may help her understand why she seems to have no 'oomph' left when her peers still have loads.

Does she have any sensory issues? www.falkirk.gov.uk/services/social-care/disabilities/docs/young-people/Making%20Sense%20of%20Sensory%20Behaviour.pdf?

I didn't get a diagnosis till teacher training (!) But shoe laces clocks numbers, all sounds like me...I got diagnosed as high functioning dyspraxic and discalculic (and dyslexic but so high functioning hardly shows just I get really tired concentrating). Deffo get an assessment they are right it's in the bounds of normal but it isn't in line with her other skills. Agree bed wetting suggests she's overwhelmed. Also agree with getting sorted before secondary. Ask on local parenting group or Google ed psych, there are loads I paid £350 (London prices). It doesn't solve problems but it offers reasons and strategies and that's huge. Good luck!

I have not got dd assessed yet because the school, after a phone call from someone I spoke too, suddenly said they would put her on the Ed psych list.
If that takes a long time I have a tutor who specialises in dyslexia who could recommend someone.

We had hearing tests done and eye tests to rule out obvious issues.

My dd also thrived over lock down, she's gone up 3 reading levels and that was from a low level, the best thing I did was enrol with reading chest who sent out our school book scheme to us.

She won't read other books. I also broke words down into root, pre and suffix. This really helped her to understand words more.
We did the first 100 hfw words spelling and reading and basically covered basics. Dd is a visual learner.

I also have a math tutor now who uses lots of visual aids for her which helps.
She needs things, words, to be put in context.
I can't envisage the school being able to support her so for the forseeble future I'll keep up our own reading scheme and keep the tutors..
My dd has lots 📴 reversal and I've been told its utter nonsense that so many reversals are present in 8 year old.

Hi op, as well as similar usernames we have similar daughters.

My dd is also 9 and I believe she has ADHD at the very least. My older ds (17) has Aspergers and I was diagnosed myself with ADHD last year at the age of 41 so this isn’t me being an armchair diagnoser.

I spoke to her teacher at her parents evening in March, just before lockdown and he agreed to refer it to the SENCO and that he has some concerns too after spending 3 days with her on a school residential, mainly regarding her clumsiness and being late for everything.

I have lots of concerns and I now need to mention it again as obviously we’ve had months off school.

You’re not alone