I think my dd needs a specialist assessment or I am being ‘that’ mum?

[Zofloramummy]

My dd is 9 years old. She is a lovely, kind, artistic, musical child. She loves maths and science and finding out how things work. She has a close knit bunch of friends and an active imagination.

I’ve been worried about her reading and writing for a while and have discussed this with her teachers and they’ve always said she is within the parameters of ‘normal’.

However she has a reading age of 7, can’t tell the time on a clock face, can’t spell high frequency words, she writes letters and numbers backwards, is disorganised and a dreamer. She struggles to get to sleep at night. She still wets the bed regularly. She can’t tie shoelaces. She has a very restricted diet and won’t try new foods. However she can become quite involved in intricate activities (art and crafts) and can problem solve really well.

She doesn’t like routine changes and likes to plan everything and have a schedule! As soon as she gets home she takes off all her clothes.

I suspect she may have dyslexia and possibly adhd. I’ve asked the school for an assessment. Am I being the over anxious single parent or am I right to be concerned that she is struggling without the correct support?

She has been selected for the last 3 years to go into small groups for additional teaching support with basic skills, but the school don’t seem at all concerned that there maybe an underlying issue.

Anyone in a similar position?

This sounds a lot like my Dd. She’s only 6 but I’ve turned into that parent.

In general I feel state schools are so underfunded that getting any sort of support is a fight in itself.

The teacher has just messaged again, I have to give credit for the after hours contact.

In the initial reply the teacher had said that all students had dipped in their reading levels over lockdown and my dd shouldn’t be disappointed. I explained that actually her level was an improvement (by 2 levels) and she has always had an issue with reading and writing. This appears to be news to them 😩.

I also mentioned that dd has a bilateral optic nerve compression and can suffer with headaches. Again they had no idea. Do teachers just not speak to each other when they hand a class over??!

@Zoflorabore I wish I could ‘like’ posts, thank you 🙏

In the primary my kids went to they openly said they didn’t have the county funding to do dyslexia tests due to Tory gov and it was being pushed to y7 at secondary. I can only assume that happens in other counties too. You might need to investigate outside of the school system.

@ittakes2 that was an interesting read, my dd was born via emergency section.

@Zoflorabore does your dd eat a varied diet? I really struggle to get mine to try anything beyond a very limited selection yet as a baby she ate anything.

Op many times no they don't.

I thought the system would work like this....

Obviously, due to age, other factors, there will always be the bottom of the class and the top. Someone has to be at the bottom. But... I really thought teachers were trained to spot sen and then they would go to SENCO... Who might observe the dc in class look at their writing and go deeper into what's going on. Talking to parents and starting to get balls rolling, drawing the parents in.... Try different strategies then call Ed psych to come and help.

Non of that happens, it's all down to dp. Your fighting blindfold in the dark I'm afraid and instead of all being on the same page, actually they usually want to surpress worries because it will cost them.

The first 6 grand of echp support has to come from the school.
Of course in many ways who can blame them, but it's the law to let every child access the curriculum.

My dd also does retained reflexes and we do excersise to try and overcome them as well.

@AutumnleavesturntoGold I am feeling that vibe from my school unfortunately. This is the 3rd teacher to basically tell me she is fine, whilst simultaneously enrolling her in every additional support programme they have access to.

My dd is clever but in the traditional academic arena that isn’t showing. I’m worried she will disengage from learning.

This sounds a lot like my son. He has been assessed as having processing disorders both visual and auditory. He has dyslexic tendencies and has some sensory issues too, mostly around food.

We ended up paying for a private Ed Psych assessment unfortunately.
With help he is making great progress now.

Hi op, god no she really doesn’t eat a varied diet at all. She calls herself a pescatarian and is very limited. Can be a nightmare when eating out, on holiday or going to her friend’s houses for tea.
She was an amazing eater as a baby.

Also when she comes home she likes to strip off. She’s starting to go through puberty and doesn’t care if her dad or brother see her which is a concern. She always seems so comfortable when in the nude. There are so many things I could write, I’m sure you’re the same!

Academically, my dd is above average in reading and English but struggles with maths. She can’t tie her laces or tell the time but can tell you a million facts about the sinking of The Titanic

We received phone call today at 2pm to collect dd from school as she had fell over in PE and sprained her ankle. She’s so clumsy.

I've realised it's me who has to support dd the school can't. It will take a long time for diagnosis even then whilst obviously it's so much easier knowing what your dealing with, how can the school support her? It takes a long time...

@Zoflorabore ha ha! Yes the complete inhibition, that’s a challenge. My dd won’t wear knickers unless it’s for school. On other days (when she is dressed) I put cycling shorts on her, otherwise she’d merrily flash anyone.

@ittakes2 having looked a bit more into the reflexes dd really fits the spinal galant reflex profile. Retained bed wetting, distractibility, dislike of waist bands. Thanks that’s been really helpful.

As AutumnleavesturntoGold has said,
Unfortunately during my own journey I've come to realise actually, teacher training doesn't include spotting any sen and then there are more worries about school budgets then helping the child

This, with bells on.

We all expect school to identify a child's needs and put in reasonable interventions then if they don't work, to alert the parents and suggest assessments, EHCPs etc.
A very few schools actually do this, but for the majority of parents who have children with AN, especially the ones who aren't disruptive and aren't massively behind in their attainment, schools "see nothing" and are quite content to fob you off and in some cases insist your child could not possibly have the condition you've spoken to them about.

On the SN boards there are many accounts of parents who have asked teachers, Senco's and GPs about referrals for assessments for their child only to be told their child could not possibly have that condition, so no referral will take place.

Yet none of the people making that statement is in any way qualified to do so.

I thought the system would work like this....

Obviously, due to age, other factors, there will always be the bottom of the class and the top. Someone has to be at the bottom. But... I really thought teachers were trained to spot sen and then they would go to SENCO... Who might observe the dc in class look at their writing and go deeper into what's going on. Talking to parents and starting to get balls rolling, drawing the parents in.... Try different strategies then call Ed psych to come and help.

Non of that happens, it's all down to dp. Your fighting blindfold in the dark I'm afraid and instead of all being on the same page, actually they usually want to surpress worries because it will cost them

That's exactly how the process works in my school. Worries about a child's abilities are not brushed under the carpet so school doesn't have to fund them.

OP your dds school doesn't sound brilliant. Yes it does sound like she has some SEN which needs investigating. For what it's worth not all schools have staff qualified to do a dyslexia screening. You can get one done privately. But saying that, an official diagnosis for me as a teacher doesn't change how I'd teach them - if a child presents as dyslexic then I'll put into place dyslexia friendly strategies in the same way as I would if they had a diagnosis or they didn't. It can be good for the child to know why they find things difficult and raise their self esteem (but equally for some children it makes them think what's the point, I'm never going to get rid of the dyslexia so what's the point in trying).

The handover of classes should absolutely have involved the new teacher knowing about her optical issue.

IDL is great so definitely get her on that as much as you can.

Could also be worth looking into Irlens syndrome. Much less well known that dyslexia but can present similarly.

A private ed psych assessment would be really useful if school aren't forthcoming but they are very expensive.

Also may be worth looking at autism in girls. Very often missed.

Never be afraid of being that parent. You know your child better than anyone.

If it was me I'd pay for a private assessment if school aren't facilitating it
Hopefully that would put your mind at ease

Please don't doubt your concerns, you're mum, you know best. She may be autistic, or have dyslexia or other additional needs. Often they come hand in hand. Join Facebook support groups. Speak to like minded parents. The more you learn, the more you'll know either way. My son is 6 and has learning disabilities and still fighting for his official diagnosis of asd (he clearly is!) But ive been fighting for 3 years. I also now think he's dyslexic as I am. And possibly adhd! Good luck. You sound like a brilliant mum.

The waistband issue! She also hates tights and has never wore jeans. She will also only wear knickers for school. She is very sensitive to noise too and easily distracted.

A weird thing to mention but my dd is always picking at her skin, she loves it. She also had a dummy until very late ( last year ) which is ridiculous but it was very much a comfort issue.

Dd is very compliant and has beautiful manners. At home she can have some terrible tantrums for the smallest things. I believe she masks a lot of behaviour and lets it all out at home.

She has just asked me to order Anne Frank on Amazon because she has been reading about her. Dd is obsessed with Adopt Me on Roblox and loves stationery, especially pencil cases. She’s a delightful child but can be a madam at times.

I would suggest dyspraxia...maybe with dyslexia they are very common together my ds has dyspraxia although never a diagnosis of dyslexia as he found reading ok but writing is still a nightmare (14) but can use a laptop due diagnosis...
I think he' also inattentive adhd but noone interested...only the hyperactive type so wish I'd pushed that more...

Schools have minimal resources so if you can get private assessments I would otherwise just keep bugging the senco...check out your local independent sen support on council website...

Sometimes the hardest thing is getting my head around how much harder things are for him....

@Zoflorabore I hate Adopt Me with a passion, I frequently have to play it 😫. My dd has decided she wants to learn coding and become a games creator because then she’ll earn lots of money and won’t have to go to school 😆.

One other thing about private assessments, do try and make sure the people who assess your child privately also assess for the NHS.

That way, their findings and recommendations will be accepted by school and the LEA.

Otherwise, you can find yourself in the predicament where you have paid a perfectly adequately qualified medical professional for their findings, but the LEA and/or school will reject it on the grounds that it doesn't meet NHS standards.

Go to GP you can get asd assessment through nhs.

As for possible dyslexia look at the book 'word hornet' I'm using it with my 9 year old who is diagnosed dyslexic.

@averythinline completely agree on finding it hard to see through their eyes. I’m a bookworm, have been since I was a child. Dd hates books and reading!

Consider Aspergers and dyslexia both. They run together in my family. The eating and clothing issues are similar to mine; I was diagnosed at 41 with Aspergers. Dreamy, disorganized girls are a common presentation in Aspergers. It's not true ADD; ADD drugs don't help.
My brother had dyslexia, and had excellent remediation with visual training. He was a semiprofessional race car driver, and could make models and slot cars easily at 9. He could also tell when a throttle governer was installed on his new go cart at 9 by the idle sound in 5 minutes.
You are your daughter's best advocate. Schools don't care as much, nor do they have the budget to help less disruptive students? Go for private testing and remediation so she can be more ready for secondary school and life. Early intervention is powerful.