Should upstairs flat neighbours let us know?

[Dollywilde]

I’m not livid or anything, I know it’s one day so we’ll get over it. But....

We live in the ground floor flat. Victorian conversion, so the soundproofing is nonexistent. Upstairs have wooden floors which is actually in breach of the lease but whatever - they’re pretty considerate so we’ve generally let it go.

We had DD 7 weeks ago (today!) and by the looks of the front garden today they’re replacing their bathroom. Lots of hammering all day. Have spent the past half hour listening to an angle grinder which sounds like it’s being used in our bedroom (their bedroom is above ours so I’m mystified as to why but maybe more space or something?)

It’s woken DD from her nap, I’ve been working on trying to get her to sleep more in the day so I’m grumpy about it but like I say I know it’s just one day! But if they’d told me they were going to be making a racket today I’d have planned for a day around my mum’s or something so as to escape it. AIBU for feeling like they should have warned me there was going to be shed loads of noise today?

FWIW before anyone says it, DD is a pretty chilled baby and slept through from 11 - 6 last night for the first time 💪🏻 so they’re not having too much disruption coming from downstairs! This may also be why I’m just mildly irritated about this rather than apoplectic

Yanbu, its basic politeness, especially as you have a young baby, have they definitely finished the works now? If your not sure maybe casually ask them, so that you know to get out the way if needs be, you could gently drop in that it woke your baby last time so maybe they will know to give you a heads up in future

Well it is a bit inconsiderate of them, but if there is no soundproofing your daughter has probably been waking them up for the last seven weeks.

@ReginaTheEvilQueen phew! I really don’t want to be the ‘how dare they wake my PFB’ woman but yeah, I thought warning the neighbours was just what people should do! Toying with dropping them a whatsapp along those lines (or ‘casually’ bumping into them in the garden but quite hard to get out quickly with a newborn!). If it happens tomorrow DH is working from home so I’ll be able to nip up and ask them the timescales so might just leave it for today. Fingers crossed the toilet and bath on the front lawn gets removed before the end of the day too

@Fairyliz oh I totally get it that they’ll be hearing her! In fairness they have two teenagers in an upstairs 2 bed flat so we’ve heard plenty of their kids too though (mostly it’s been me thinking ‘oh god we have all this to come’ when they’re shouting, but still!). I’ve never complained about noise from them before as I get that it’s just family noise but today felt like it was something I could have avoided.

Did you warn them you were having a baby?

Fairyliz that can't be helped, if it's the case, and let's assume the neighbours knew there was a baby on the way.

They are inconsiderate not to let you know about their bathroom though. I would take the opportunity to ask them to let you know if they are planning more renovations.

Just politely ask how long it will take and if they can forewarn you of any further loud work.
They should have told you beforehand, but shouldn't be prevented from doing their bathroom because you've had a baby - babies continue to nap in the daytime for roughly 2 yrs.

I totally get why you're annoyed, and I would have been too - but, good neighbour relations are very very precious, so be nice. But definitely do ask - because as long as you do so nicely it's not at all a problem to do so. And don't only ask if it happens to be noisy again tomorrow - even if it isn't doesn't mean they won't be making noise again during the work.

It's best to be open and clear in communication, when they understand what you want and can provide you with the info you will both be happier.

Congrats on your baby!

I imagine your baby makes far more noise, whether you realise it or not

Well in fairness @Embracelife they had months of notice - I mentioned it in passing when we saw each other in the garden at about 4 months and then they saw me getting progressively bigger I do routinely say to them when I see them that I hope the baby’s not keeping them up but they always say they don’t hear much and that anyway it’s fine as that’s what babies do! Weirdly they have a huge issue with the next door neighbours who we get on with, but they’ve always been perfectly lovely to us so I assumed they were being honest as they’re clearly not shy to complain if they’re unhappy!

Yes, it's bloody rude not to have told you. It's just basic consideration whether you have a baby or not.

I think you're a bit optimistic thinking it'll be one day but I'll keep my fingers crossed for you!

@RunningFromInsanity I get that, I really do. I’m not asking them not to renovate because I have DD. I’m just saying if I knew, I could have made plans to be out - even if it’s for a week, my mum lives down the road so I could go stay with her if needed (not in local lockdown so is Covid compliant). Not just for DD’s sake tbh; spending the day feeding a baby while listening to construction noise isn’t my idea of fun!

Good point @BewareTheBeardedDragon about future noise. I might get DH to have that chat in the garden anyway tomorrow as with WFH - and possibly doing more of that in the coming months - it’d be good to know; just so we can work around it.

I don't have a baby and I'd still appreciate my neighbours telling me about noisy work.
TBF I think they would though; we get on well and all of us work at home all or some of the time, so we all get it.

@MJMG2015 don’t say that 🙈 I know a bathroom renovation takes a while but I’m hoping today is the ‘loud stuff’ day and the rest of the time is quiet things like grouting

@IntermittentParps I think that’s what’s throwing me off, we’ve been on good terms in general so them not telling us is a bit weird. Maybe the baby is upsetting them more than they’ve let on and this is their revenge I do apologise for her whenever I see them and we keep her in the ‘opposite’ rooms to them unless she’s quiet (living room at night and bedroom in day) so we’re doing our best... She really isn’t all that loud, she’s more a grunter than a screamer, honest! I just hate the idea that they might be upset and instead of talking to us they thought ‘fuck it, let’s not message them about the bathroom’ instead :(

Im in a terraced house.
One neighbour is great, I wouldve told her.
The other side, neighbours from hell-awful people, I wouldnt have told them. They keep us up almost nightly till gone midnight and atleast once a week wake is early hrs 1am-6an.
The police are often there as they ate that awful in general.

just ask them nicely when they hope to finish work by.

Our neighbour did a full refit for 6 months when my youngest was born. We couldn’t escape it and he didn’t even come & introduce
Himself & let us know work would be starting. It was a nightmare, esp with pnd. Yanbu

@Fairyliz

Well it is a bit inconsiderate of them, but if there is no soundproofing your daughter has probably been waking them up for the last seven weeks.

This. Your DD if she's been crying especially in a flat has been waking them up and will probably continue to do so.

Basic manners and consideration.

They are entitled to get work done, but giving your neighbours the heads up is the right thing to do.

Oh god @Lollypop4 I promise we’re not like that! Yep sounds like a plan. Just relieved most people don’t think I’m being too precious tbh!

In another life (pre mat leave and Covid) we’d never be at home in the day and this wouldn’t be an issue, I’m hoping it’s just not thinking rather than anything more malice-based...

[quote Dollywilde]@IntermittentParps I think that’s what’s throwing me off, we’ve been on good terms in general so them not telling us is a bit weird. Maybe the baby is upsetting them more than they’ve let on and this is their revenge I do apologise for her whenever I see them and we keep her in the ‘opposite’ rooms to them unless she’s quiet (living room at night and bedroom in day) so we’re doing our best... She really isn’t all that loud, she’s more a grunter than a screamer, honest! I just hate the idea that they might be upset and instead of talking to us they thought ‘fuck it, let’s not message them about the bathroom’ instead :([/quote]
To be fair - if your baby is more of a grunter than a screamer - does she not cry? Anyway if there's noise then they'll hear it. from a baby.

Unless you're my current neighbours with an almost 7 month old DD whom I almost never ever hear! but this is terraced house syndrome!

Dollywilde, benefit of the doubt; maybe they're just a bit thoughtless rather than deliberately not telling you. Just speak to them. Go in with a friendly attitude and a smile.

I expect it just either didn't cross their mind, or slipped their mind. Passive aggressive bathroom noise from parents who have been where you are, also in a flat, would be very weird. Try not to stress. Babies make noise, bathroom replacements make noise - neither can be avoided but communication is key.

The bathroom will be finished in a few days at most. They'll be putting up with your baby for a damn sight longer.

@CleverCatty again I do get that. They’ve consistently said that they don’t hear her much and when they do it’s fine, but I’m not asking if it’s fair ‘tit for tat’. I’m just asking if giving a heads up is the fair/reasonable thing to do... but I’ve seen too many ‘someone coughed in a coffee shop and woke PFB, how dare they’ posts and it’s making me doubt myself!

No, they really don't have to let you know about the work being done.
Why didn't you just get ready and go out? Why would it need to be planned days in advance?