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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Should upstairs flat neighbours let us know?

76 replies

Dollywilde · 05/10/2020 16:39

I’m not livid or anything, I know it’s one day so we’ll get over it. But....

We live in the ground floor flat. Victorian conversion, so the soundproofing is nonexistent. Upstairs have wooden floors which is actually in breach of the lease but whatever - they’re pretty considerate so we’ve generally let it go.

We had DD 7 weeks ago (today!) and by the looks of the front garden today they’re replacing their bathroom. Lots of hammering all day. Have spent the past half hour listening to an angle grinder which sounds like it’s being used in our bedroom (their bedroom is above ours so I’m mystified as to why but maybe more space or something?)

It’s woken DD from her nap, I’ve been working on trying to get her to sleep more in the day so I’m grumpy about it but like I say I know it’s just one day! But if they’d told me they were going to be making a racket today I’d have planned for a day around my mum’s or something so as to escape it. AIBU for feeling like they should have warned me there was going to be shed loads of noise today?

FWIW before anyone says it, DD is a pretty chilled baby and slept through from 11 - 6 last night for the first time 💪🏻 so they’re not having too much disruption coming from downstairs! This may also be why I’m just mildly irritated about this rather than apoplectic

OP posts:

Chicchicchicchiclana · 05/10/2020 17:15

Of course they should let their neighbours know! It's known as basic common courtesy.

Ideasplease322 · 05/10/2020 17:15

I get a lot off grief on Myers for expecting other people to live by my rules.

I warn my neighbours about any building work, but they do not want me.

I have noticed, however, that once I do something (like bring their bin in with mine, or water their flowers while they are on holiday) they start returning the favour.

opinionatedfreak · 05/10/2020 17:16

What does your lease say? Ours says you have to notify the neighbours/ mgt company about building works. I chair the mgt company and am about to remind my co-owners about this covenant along with the one saying work should be finished by 6pm!

If no restrictive covenant then it is good manners to tell your neighbours but not mandatory. Might be worth letting them know you would have appreciated some warning.

And yes, babies can make a tonne of noise. But then so can adults...

Original poster

Dollywilde · 05/10/2020 17:16

Sorry @CleverCatty X post! Yes she definitely cries, I’m not being blind with newborn love or anything but yeah, like I say, less about the noise itself, more about whether they should/could have told me or whether I’m just being a bit of a moany cow 🙈

OP posts:

Florencex · 05/10/2020 17:18

I have never received forewarning when a neighbour has planned work and nor have I ever given it. If you live in a flat or terraced house some noise during the day is to be expected, including the odd bit of renovation work.

Your neighbour is tolerating a baby without complain, I think you need to do the same, a bathroom fitting won’t take that long.

IntermittentParps · 05/10/2020 17:18

The bathroom will be finished in a few days at most. They'll be putting up with your baby for a damn sight longer.
That's really unnecessarily unpleasant.

Why didn't you just get ready and go out? Why would it need to be planned days in advance? The OP is talking about doing something like visiting someone, which might need planning, don't you think?

Original poster

Dollywilde · 05/10/2020 17:18

@Iminaglasscaseofemotion mum’s at work, I’d have needed to get her keys so can’t go there, and it’s pissing it down here and I don’t fancy walking around the park for hours. Plus it was the angle grinder that was the straw that broke the camel’s back and that was only an hour ago. Like I say I’m not super cross - shit happens - just wondering if I’m weird for expecting warning.

OP posts:

Witchend · 05/10/2020 17:19

@Dollywilde

Oh god *@Lollypop4* I promise we’re not like that! Yep sounds like a plan. Just relieved most people don’t think I’m being too precious tbh!

In another life (pre mat leave and Covid) we’d never be at home in the day and this wouldn’t be an issue, I’m hoping it’s just not thinking rather than anything more malice-based...

If you are thinking there's any chance they thought "hee hee, let's have our bathroom replaced now to really irritate the people below as normally they're out at work and currently they won't be" then you are crediting your neighbours far more thought about you than any neighbours will do.

Of course it's not thinking. Maybe they should have warned you, but expecting them to not do it until you're back at work if unrealistic.
It may even have been planned from before lockdown. We just, in the last month, had some work done that was booked for the week we locked down, and this was the first alternative date he could give us.

MyNameForToday1980 · 05/10/2020 17:23

For all those saying that the neighbours have been impacted by baby noises... sound travels down from upstairs much more than it travels up from downstairs. I'm sure the neighbours would have heard the baby, but it's in no way as invasive as building-works.

Also children are not as loud as angle grinders.

OP - they should have advised you, not asked permission, or anything like that, but to let you know ahead of time would have been polite.

Chicchicchicchiclana · 05/10/2020 17:26

@katy1213

The bathroom will be finished in a few days at most. They'll be putting up with your baby for a damn sight longer.

This is why AIBU has the horrible reputation it does! Why on earth do you need to respond like this @katy1213? You sound so angry, it's just nuts.

Original poster

Dollywilde · 05/10/2020 17:27

@Witchend good point. Stressing that it could be malicious is far more likely to be overthought by a woman stuck at home with a cluster feeder and Netflix!

I don’t think they’re renovating the bathroom to get to us though, just that they might not have let us know because they’re frustrated with us, and I’d hate that - like I say we do tend to get on, albeit in a distanced ‘hello in the garden’ way rather than dinner parties

OP posts:

ramblingsonthego · 05/10/2020 17:28

I think its a bit of both. They are doing work during the day which is totally permitted. Its not like its happening at night. Out of politeness they could have told you this was going to happen, but they don't have to.

I would just let it go this time and take baby for lots of walks at nap times if it is noisy work.

Inkpaperstars · 05/10/2020 17:37

I do think it would have been fair to warn you, although sometimes when you get work in the home done people are very vague about when they will turn up so they may not have had much warning themselves of the exact day. I do think they should have told you though. It isn't just noise, it's dust etc.

BUT, from what you say they are generally ok for you as neighbours and they have not had any issues with a change in noise levels from you. So, as someone in a similar flat to you, I would not mention it. Pick your battles, it's a short term thing and better to keep things positive for now I think.

Nanny0gg · 05/10/2020 17:38

Why on earth is it unreasonable to expect a bit of politeness and thoughtfulness?

That's all the OP wants. And all any of us should want or do for others

Alternista · 05/10/2020 17:40

I’d drop them a WhatsApp.

“Hey Janet, hope it’s all going well up there with the works, exciting! Do you mind me asking how long the workman reckons it will take? Just planning the week; we might go and hang out at my Mum’s for a couple of days. Thanks, hope you’re well, Susie x” or similar

RB68 · 05/10/2020 17:48

hmm 2 teens vs one baby I know who I wld rather have next door noise wise

VinylDetective · 05/10/2020 17:49

Our next door neighbours have been at since March. The drive’s been full of vans constantly for seven months and the buggers are still at it. God alone knows what they’re doing - they could have demolished the place and rebuilt it in that time.

CherryBlossomTree7 · 05/10/2020 17:49

It would have been polite to let you know, yes. Baby or not, that would have been the polite thing to do, especially when many people are working from home.

But, it probably just slipped their mind. They're most likely leading busy lives. Just let it go and spend the day at your mum's tomorrow. If you see them, ask how many more days the work will take.

ChronicallyCurious · 05/10/2020 17:51

YABU

Rose789 · 05/10/2020 17:52

Oh no. YANBU it’s basic manners when getting work done to let neighbours know. Especially when it’s flats. It’s more likely just thoughtlessness then anything else though don’t worry.
I’ve lived in an upstairs flat when the downstairs neighbour had a newborn and honestly it wasn’t bad at all. If I was awake and my flat was silent I could hear her crying. If I was asleep (and I’m a lighter sleeper) or had the tv on I couldn’t hear her.
The mum used to apologise all of the time and never seemed to believe I wasn’t being disturbed by her.
I have lived in downstairs flats where it has sounded like the neighbour has tap dancing elephants walking across their floors. They were just walking around and were pretty decent no loud music, parties, tv at a reasonable level etc.
I would message them asking how long the work will take and if your are on friendly terms offering the use of your shower if needed. Depends how well you get on if that would be something you would feel comfortable doing of course.
Congratulations on your little one

BoomBoomsCousin · 05/10/2020 17:52

@Alternista

I’d drop them a WhatsApp.

^^ This.

It was thoughtless of them, but that’s all. Not malicious. Not trying to get something at your expense. Just thoughtless which we can all be from time to time. Have a bit of a vent. Ask them about the future so they are prompted to let you know next time they have similar planned. Put it behind you.

HollywoodHandshake · 05/10/2020 17:54

Laughing at the posters pretending that neighbours MUST be inconvenienced and woken up by a baby.

It's perfectly possible to have a new born in a flat and not be a nuisance for the neighbours... It's just about basic consideration and manners.

Why wouldn't you tell your neighbours you are having work done?

joell75 · 05/10/2020 17:55

Well, now you know. So the situation is that you were just taken by surprise for one day.

I'm inclined to think that when they say that they arent disturbed by your baby, all that means is that they are jolly nice people that dont want you to feel uncomfortable. If you can hear teenagers, how on earth could they fail to hear a baby screaming?

OverTheRainbow88 · 05/10/2020 17:56

Didn’t even cross my mind to tell our neighbours when we had lots of work done..: the skip arrival was a giveaway.our house is currently vibrating 10 hours a day because neighbours are hitting their new house... it’s a one off work and once complete noise will stop- not going to let it bother me.

Also, you don’t want to get into the habit of needing silence for your babies nap or you’re going to be stressed for years and years!

user1471538283 · 05/10/2020 17:56

It is common courtesy to let you know. I always did in our old house. However, here no one cared to let us know about the noise they make so I didn't. I hope the renovations are soon over

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