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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Should upstairs flat neighbours let us know?

76 replies

Dollywilde · 05/10/2020 16:39

I’m not livid or anything, I know it’s one day so we’ll get over it. But....

We live in the ground floor flat. Victorian conversion, so the soundproofing is nonexistent. Upstairs have wooden floors which is actually in breach of the lease but whatever - they’re pretty considerate so we’ve generally let it go.

We had DD 7 weeks ago (today!) and by the looks of the front garden today they’re replacing their bathroom. Lots of hammering all day. Have spent the past half hour listening to an angle grinder which sounds like it’s being used in our bedroom (their bedroom is above ours so I’m mystified as to why but maybe more space or something?)

It’s woken DD from her nap, I’ve been working on trying to get her to sleep more in the day so I’m grumpy about it but like I say I know it’s just one day! But if they’d told me they were going to be making a racket today I’d have planned for a day around my mum’s or something so as to escape it. AIBU for feeling like they should have warned me there was going to be shed loads of noise today?

FWIW before anyone says it, DD is a pretty chilled baby and slept through from 11 - 6 last night for the first time 💪🏻 so they’re not having too much disruption coming from downstairs! This may also be why I’m just mildly irritated about this rather than apoplectic Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
Dollywilde · 05/10/2020 17:58

@Alternista that’s a great message and fab idea @Rose789 about offering use of our bathroom! I’m a big fan of offering something in exchange. They’ve been in the flat for ages and their teenage boys were born here so I’ve always figured their kindness is because they know what it’s like to be stuck in a flat with a baby... we are planning on moving to a house, flat was on the market in March but then Covid 🤷🏻‍♀️ and DD arrived just as things were getting back to normal so haven’t had a chance to go back on yet.

OP posts:
Original poster
Dollywilde · 05/10/2020 18:02

@joell75 I’ve been the upstairs neighbours in the past and I know sound is so much worse going down than up! One of the reasons we’ve never complained TBH.

@OverTheRainbow88 oh she definitely doesn’t get silence Grin just this was enough to wake her for once. It would have woken me - all the noise from them in the past has been annoying but not enough to wake a sleeping adult so no drama as far as I’m concerned.

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MJMG2015 · 05/10/2020 18:20

@OverTheRainbow88

Also, you don’t want to get into the habit of needing silence for your babies nap or you’re going to be stressed for years and years!

There's quite a difference between 'needing silence' & a bathroom renovation complete with angle grinder FFS

VivaMiltonKeynes · 05/10/2020 18:25

They should have let you know out of common decency but many people today do not feel any obligation to do so .

Xmasbaby11 · 05/10/2020 18:30

I think they could have mentioned it since you're obviously at home a lot, but I don't know if it would occur to them the noise would bother you if it's in the daytime. Noise didn't bother my kids when they were babies and they were used to napping anywhere regardless of noise. Babies sleep in pubs, cinemas, all sorts of noisy environments.

lowlandLucky · 05/10/2020 18:32

This is where you learn that the world does not revolve around your baby.

Butchyrestingface · 05/10/2020 18:33

@IntermittentParps I think that’s what’s throwing me off, we’ve been on good terms in general so them not telling us is a bit weird

It would not cross my mind to tell anyone, I don’t think. Because no-one has been ever told me when they were getting renovations done so I did the same. 🤷‍♀️

Pickagoddamnname · 05/10/2020 18:37

Granted I’m not in a flat so no upstairs or downstairs but my neighbours never told us when they got a new kitchen fitted etc (terraced or semi-detaches). I didn’t give it a second thought and haven’t told them when we’re having work done either

ItWasNotMeITellYou · 05/10/2020 18:38

They may not have realised this was going to be the noisy day. Are they there or all out at work/school?
You’re not being undefinable at all. But they’re probably just disorganised.
Congrats on having a sleeping through baby.

HollywoodHandshake · 05/10/2020 18:41

@lowlandLucky

This is where you learn that the world does not revolve around your baby.
Hmm

why does it even matter if there's a baby or not? Basic manners mean most normal people would warn their neighbours.

Of course you don't have to be pleasant, which is why so many people live a nightmare because of inconsiderate neighbours.

Original poster
Dollywilde · 05/10/2020 18:42

@lowlandLucky I think my posts so far on the thread have proved I really don’t think that! I’m just asking whether I’m unreasonable for thinking they could have allowed me to plan ahead and get baby out of the way.

@ItWasNotMeITellYou ha, thanks! Can’t imagine we’ll manage to recreate that tonight but you never know. Best friend has had 3, 2 great sleepers and one nightmare sleeper and I totally get from her experience that it’s entirely luck rather than anything we’re doing Grin

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Original poster
Dollywilde · 05/10/2020 18:43

Oh and the mum and kids are out but dad is definitely there so I imagine they knew. But I take the point that sometimes these things follow unexpected timelines, especially with it being a Monday Smile

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Original poster
Dollywilde · 05/10/2020 18:45

Ah!! Just had an apologetic text from them. Seems that the DW has got home from work. So maybe there’s something in the ‘didn’t realise it was a noisy day’ logic... or she’s a MNer Grin

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1forAll74 · 05/10/2020 18:45

Its not for long, so I would just put up with some noise for now. People have jobs done all the time, so its to be expected.The neighbours may not have thought to warn you about some expected noise, but your baby will survive it all anyway.

Ontheboardwalk · 05/10/2020 18:47

They should have let you know, is rude of them not to have done

I’m coming into the 3rd week of my neighbours having a new bathroom. They didn’t let me know (which did surprise me).

The first two days were an absolute nightmare with the noise, it’s not been that bad since. My issue was on the first day I had a very important video meeting to host. It was impossible to host I had to move rooms due to the noise

If they’d had given me notice then I could have re-arranged rooms even gone to a different house before the meeting started

I wouldn’t offer the use of your bathroom to them, especially in these Covid times, I’m in a local lockdown area though so couldn’t even if I wanted to

SodaPerson · 05/10/2020 19:00

Tbh, what difference would it have made if they told you...

Also, going forward im reluctant to tell neighbours anything, as mine have always acted like and complained whenever I tried to be polite and give them a heads up / notice for any building works, BBQ or parties.

If your neigh our has experienced similar in the past, it may be why they didn't give you any notice.

FrustratedC0ffeeDrinker · 05/10/2020 19:07

Whilst your neighbours are not legally obliged to inform you, they should have notified you in the first instance as this would have been the neighbourly thing to do. However, it is quite possible that they simply forgot to do this.

To compare the noise from a baby to that of DIY noise is inappropriate. Is it not unreasonable to have a baby in flat, the noise of which is just part and parcel of everyday family noise. You cannot "avoid" baby noise, but you can mitigate the noise and impact from DIY noise - it's just common sense.

What is unreasonable is for the OP's neighbours to have installed wooden flooring without underlay and carpet, which is likely to be in breach of their leasehold and/or tenancy agreement. If they had carpet then it may be the the baby and DIY noise would be mitigated to some extent.

ItWasNotMeITellYou · 05/10/2020 19:21

Undefinable?! Ha!

Nope, sleepy babies are pure luck but sometimes you’ve gotta get your wins where you can find them!

Mum came home and clocked there was more stuff going on than expected. Had the DH texted the neighbours? Had he hell. Put this in FEminism and you’d get a different set of answers. DW coming home from a day at work to project manage for free...:)

ClementineWoolysocks · 05/10/2020 19:52

I'm sure they're spending potentially a few thousand pounds to stick it to you for having a baby eye roll so hard I saw my brain

VivaMiltonKeynes · 05/10/2020 19:54

@SodaPerson

Tbh, what difference would it have made if they told you...

Also, going forward im reluctant to tell neighbours anything, as mine have always acted like and complained whenever I tried to be polite and give them a heads up / notice for any building works, BBQ or parties.

If your neigh our has experienced similar in the past, it may be why they didn't give you any notice.

and so it goes on ...our neighbours did not advise us of several lots of noisy work in their garden., he has a tendency to kick a football against a wall repeatedly .... wait until they have a baby Wink
secular89 · 05/10/2020 20:09

I'm sure they're spending potentially a few thousand pounds to stick it to you for having a baby eye roll so hard I saw my brain

I'm sorry. But this made me laugh out loud 😂😂😭😭. There's some very funny people on Mumsnet.

Original poster
Dollywilde · 05/10/2020 20:37

@ClementineWoolysocks as I’ve said, its not the work I was worried about more the lack of notice, but thanks Grin

It’s still going on. I’ve just sent a ‘nice’ message, with a grumpy one to follow in half an hour once we hit 9. Nothing to do with our lovely new DD and everything to do with it being totally inappropriate at this hour.

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ElGuardiandenoche · 05/10/2020 21:32

This lays out the general thoughts on diy noise

www.charnwood.gov.uk/files/documents/noise_from_diy_work_fact_sheet/Noise%20from%20DIY%20Work%20-%20Advice%20Factsheet.pdf

CleverCatty · 07/10/2020 10:24

@1forAll74

Its not for long, so I would just put up with some noise for now. People have jobs done all the time, so its to be expected.The neighbours may not have thought to warn you about some expected noise, but your baby will survive it all anyway.
Bit late to this but yes.

My best friend had her first baby years ago and she had to have work done on her house suddenly after their bedroom ceiling collapsed and then a bathroom sink over ran and flooded their bathroom etc - so lots of noise - her baby was 2 months old at the time and had to put up with lots of building work in the meantime and was worried telling me she'd just got her baby in a routine and was worried he would freak! Turned out the baby actually got used to all the noise, slept through the drilling etc and the builders one of them was a first time dad himself and was sympathetic and also liked to compliment the baby. It was funny one time we met in a cafe (pre Costas etc) for tea and lunch and I jokingly asked her 'oh you've escaped the noise?' and she said 'actually no, just wanted some fresh air and to get the baby for a walk the noise is a walk in the park now!'

OverTheRainbow88 · 07/10/2020 10:36

@Dollywilde

I’ve had karma since basically being very not sympathetic to you our neighbours have started more work to their house and ours has been vibrating ever since!!!!!!!!!