Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Constant mind games arguments always turned round on me

58 replies

inspiration101 · 04/10/2020 20:57

Bit of a backstory for context.. we had been asked by a friend to do a surprise happy birthday recording for another friends upcoming birthday. We did it yesterday after I had woken up from a nap, when I looked at the recording I changed my mind and said I didn’t want that particular recoding with me in my pyjama bottoms & hair sticking out everywhere, I really am not a vain person I hardly ever wear make-up and would happily do the video looking casual . So a bit later we went to do the recording again At my request, but my partner started being silly with the kids asking my sons friend to join in the video I told him to stop being daft and he just lit on me in temper. He stood up and was roaring and shouting at me that I was fat really really fat and even more wrinkly now. I am between a size 8 and 10 and do have a bit of a jelly baby belly which I can hide quite well most of the time. He was shouting and roaring at me in front of the children being vile & nasty about me being old & fat. I’m 5 years older than him. I was actually too scared & embarrassed to argue back and I flinched when he raised his arm to me but he didn’t hit me. Tonight after the two of us have ignored each other since this happened last night he says it is me who causes it I cause the arguments and it’s not his fault. This is not the first time this has happened and every time we argue he gets very personal about my appearance.
He is a gym addict and classes himself as a very good looking and attractive man. Am I being unreasonable when I say he causes these arguments and no matter what’s upsetting hum ie me being short or grumpy with him, he shouldn’t get nasty and personal like that?

OP posts:
ncd5785 · 04/10/2020 20:59

That's shocking OP. No one should be speaking to you like that, it's absolutely disgusting.

Whatup · 04/10/2020 21:05

Run the hell away from him. Go to your mum's!

Okokokitsout · 04/10/2020 21:44

Honestly no idea who has voted Yabu. He sounds abusive. I know people say that all the time here but I really mean this. In addition he also sounds vein if not very self obsessed.

What redeeming features does he have? Do you get anything out of the relationship?

Also sorry this happened it sounds upsetting and humiliating.

Justgorgeous · 04/10/2020 21:51

He sounds very abusive and controlling. Does he have any nice qualities ? Although if he acts like that it’s irrelevant really. Hope you are ok.

StillCoughingandLaughing · 04/10/2020 21:53

It sounds like he wants you to feel like shit so that you’ll think you’re even luckier than you already knew you were to be with Mr Marvellous Gymfit. Dump him like radioactive waste.

S00LA · 04/10/2020 22:03

He’s often verbally abusive and now he’s threatened to hit you? Get out now.

Are they his kids ?

LaurieFairyCake · 04/10/2020 22:25

He's abusive to you and abusing the children

Leave

Original poster
inspiration101 · 04/10/2020 22:53

I have two older children and we have one 4 year old together who he adores to the point he mostly ignores the rest of us.

He says that I drive him to it with my criticism of him and the way I speak/look at him.

OP posts:
Thelnebriati · 04/10/2020 22:54

If you cant leave him for yourself then do it for your kids.

thepeopleversuswork · 04/10/2020 22:57

You need to leave him. As soon as possible. His behaviour is totally unacceptable and incredibly damaging for the children to witness.

Bunnymumy · 04/10/2020 22:58

Ah the old 'you make me do it' argument. Textbook.

You are not responsible for his shitty behaviour op.
Get yourself and your wee ones away from the bastard.

And abusers want you to think they just lose control but actually they are in perfect control of their nastiness and intimidation tactics. Don't be fooled.

DustyMaiden · 04/10/2020 22:59

Yabu to not have left already.

vlnr77yac · 05/10/2020 00:40

He never accepts responsibility for HIS words. Red flag.
Verbal Abuse & front of the kids - 2 red flags.
He's gaslighting you. Red flag.
He's escalating. Big bloody red flag.
You'll be 5 years older than him forever so I'm presuming its a stick he intends to keep beating you with. If you let him.
I'd record his next few outbursts just in case he denies it later - then I'd jog my pyjamered self to the lawyers office if I was you. You're setting a terrible example to the kids if you stay.

katy1213 · 05/10/2020 00:56

So he's vain and violent. There's not really much to stay for, is there?

newnameforthis123 · 05/10/2020 01:06

DARVO. Don't keep your children in this abusive environment, it's so damaging not just for you but for them. Contact womens aid and a solicitor and find out what next steps you can take. You know this isn't ok Thanks

SBTLove · 05/10/2020 05:01

classes himself as a very good looking and attractive man does he? arrogant prick
Do him a favour and leave him to admire himself; alone.

mallorytower · 05/10/2020 05:14

This is awful. He’s abusive. Screaming like that in front of the kids. Not ok. Time to end the relationship before he drags you down more

OhioOhioOhio · 05/10/2020 05:22

I used to be you. Hes just getting warmed up.

daytripper28 · 05/10/2020 05:31
Sad

Awful way to speak to you, and an argument over a video for a friend? That isn't really a subject for argument anyway - is it?

He sounds like a short tempered arrogant prick.

Gobbycop · 05/10/2020 05:34

That isn't normal behaviour from a partner but I think you know that.

He's abusive towards you.

Mummyoflittledragon · 05/10/2020 06:28

He felt criticised. My bet is his ego is really really fragile and to redress the “pain” he felt simply by your telling / asking him to pack it in. Of course it was totally disproportionate. But it sounds as though he cannot accept anyone questioning him. He doesn’t want to admit he had any hand in this. How therefore can you go forward?

Original poster
inspiration101 · 05/10/2020 09:53

Exactly this... he said last night it was all because I was vain wanting to do the video again. It was nothing to do with that at all it was because I told him to pack it in when he was being immature. He absolutely hates being told by anyone what to do.

OP posts:
Bunnymumy · 05/10/2020 12:28

He probably did not want to redo the pic because he knows you didn't like the way you looked in the first one. And he clearly wants you to feel shit about yourself. So he created a drama to make it hard for you to reshoot.

Anyway...all this is just icing. He raised his hand to you op! That's a threat. Seriously get out of there fast.

He isnt immature, he is a psychopath.

ShebaShimmyShake · 05/10/2020 12:31

So you're making preparations to leave this piece of shit abuser, right?

Throckmorton · 05/10/2020 12:35

He's abusive and you need to get your kids, and you, out of there. Hugs

Swipe left for the next trending thread