To be annoyed with my husband?

[kara12345625]

I have an 18 month old son and in 8 weeks I am due for my second son. I work part time (3 days a week) and my husband works full time (5 days a week). We both get the weekends off.
Every Sunday he plays football, so leaves at around 9:30 and gets back at around 1/2 as he sometimes goes to the pub after.
Unfortunately, I do not really have any hobbies.
My husband and I were talking yesterday and he started talking about when baby two arrives and how he doesn't want to miss football, and said he will most likely not miss any even when the baby first arrives (as in the first Sunday after the baby is born). I am so annoyed with him that he is even thinking about that... AIBU to tell him that I don't want him to go to football within a week of having a baby? It turned into an argument and he said he wants as much normality as normal when the baby arrives. I am going to have an elective c section too so shouldn't be carrying much, so will really struggle with my toddler.

Nah. Wouldn't put up with that. If he can't work that one out for himself,and is not listening to you, then get the midwives/health visitors to reinforce the point. By discussing it with them hopefully will embarrass and shame him.

YANBU. He’s being a selfish dick.

He wants "normality"????? What a selfish git. Why did he agree to a 2nd child???

He’s a dick. Tell him he can have all the normality he wants and kick the waster out. He’s only gonna get worse.

I have very deep concerns about the future of your marriage. You should as well.

Of course you can't have nomality within a few weeks of having a new baby.

I dont think that's on at all, OP, especially as you'll be having a section and need a lot of support with lifting/changing/dressing.he can talk all he likes about normality but having a child brings a new normal and the old normal has to make way for that

Good luck!

You need to reframe this for him. He is telling you that no matter how much you and your children might need him around, his game of football is more important.

Was the baby planned? Have you never done days out on a Sunday together?

I don't know how people put up with such selfish dicks. My husband is a keen cricketer, captain of the first team, training twice a week and at least one full weekend day of playing, as soon as i got pregnant the first time he handed over the captaincy, and massively cut down. It's important to him, so i try to make sure he gets a game most weeks in the summer, but he also makes sure i get a night out every week to go to my hobby, and plenty of general time to myself. It just seems like what you'd do in a decent relationship, but from what I've seen on here it's apparently pretty out there.

Normality?

Normality when you're a parent is pulling your fucking weight and not being a selfish twat who thinks it's ok to leave your wife with a toddler and a newborn a week after major surgery because he wants to kick a piece of leather round a field.

@Wheelerdeeler it was planned too, we both said we wanted a small age gap. Tbh I am getting fed up. I cook every evening, make our lunches every day, do all the washing, all the laundry, all the cleaning. I can't remember the last time he cleaned the bathroom for example. He will help with putting my son to bed. I feel like I am trying to work as well as be a full time single housewife. He also is a Chelsea fan so is now wanting me to look after our toddler whenever the games are on TV.

*our son to bed

He'll realise when the time comes. I've been married 29 years and this sounds like the sort of thing my husband might have said all those years ago that we would laugh about now. I would just make it very clear that whilst he might want normality, when you've just had your stomach cut open and can hardly move or lift, is not the time.

Honestly OP this isn't likely to change. Mine plays football 3 times a week. 2 nights one full Saturday, and NOTHING gets in the way of it. Not kids being in hospital birthdays, holidays, babies being born. I'm due my second child with him in January (unplanned. I decided I would have any more children, especially not with him, and football was a big part of the reason why) and I'm fully expecting there to be epic fights. I don't know if I'll put up with it this time.

I decided I wouldn't have anymore children

@kara12345625

*our son to bed

I think you were right the first time.

He doesn't sound like he even realises he's a bloody father.

He did say that his mum can come round to help when he is at football. I don't want my MIL coming over a week after having a baby. I didn't feel like any visitors for two weeks with my first.

My husband plays football every week and both times I was pregnant/nearly die he gave up football for a few weeks either side of the birth, until we both decided he was ok to start back up again. Your husband isn’t really on your side is he? Sorry op. Good luck.

Nearly due*

I have very deep concerns about the future of your marriage. You should as well

This. He has absolutely no concern that you will be recovering from surgery and looking after a newborn and toddler. He isn't even willing to miss one week?

If he’s organising alternative then you’re being unreasonable. Get granny over helping if a solution

Normality for him. Because his life isn’t changing and he doesn’t want it to.

Why are you doing everything? Come on. Stop.

The more I read on here the more I'm leaning towards advising my DD against marrying someone who plays sport. You and the children should be his priority, they aren't young for long.

He is also the one that is pushing for me to have a c section as he said he hated seeing me going through labour last time (my first ended up as an emergency c section).