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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be annoyed with my husband?

74 replies

kara12345625 · 04/10/2020 09:43

I have an 18 month old son and in 8 weeks I am due for my second son. I work part time (3 days a week) and my husband works full time (5 days a week). We both get the weekends off.
Every Sunday he plays football, so leaves at around 9:30 and gets back at around 1/2 as he sometimes goes to the pub after.
Unfortunately, I do not really have any hobbies.
My husband and I were talking yesterday and he started talking about when baby two arrives and how he doesn't want to miss football, and said he will most likely not miss any even when the baby first arrives (as in the first Sunday after the baby is born). I am so annoyed with him that he is even thinking about that... AIBU to tell him that I don't want him to go to football within a week of having a baby? It turned into an argument and he said he wants as much normality as normal when the baby arrives. I am going to have an elective c section too so shouldn't be carrying much, so will really struggle with my toddler.

OP posts:

OneToThree · 04/10/2020 12:27

Birth your child however you choose.
Also stop doing his washing, lunches, dinner etc.

Velvian · 04/10/2020 12:36

He wants 'as much normality as possible after the baby is born' - What an absolute douche, has he heard himself? He is not the one going through major surgery, getting to dictate terms.

Velvian · 04/10/2020 12:37

Your H does not get any say in the birth you have, op.

DragonPie · 04/10/2020 12:46

Does he have the final say in everything that happens then? Your birth? How much housework he does (zero)? How much time he spends on football? Let me guess, he’s never actually spent any time on his own with your toddler either. Am I right?

Sexnotgender · 04/10/2020 12:51

@ivykaty44

If he’s organising alternative then you’re being unreasonable. Get granny over helping if a solution

No it’s bloody not! So he can swan off and leave the women to look after the babies? Honestly what the fuck are you on.

FippertyGibbett · 04/10/2020 12:53

So he wants you to do everything and he carries on as normal. Makes you wonder why he bothered with having kids, they just get in the way of his social life.

Sexnotgender · 04/10/2020 12:53

OP please ignore him when it comes to birth choices. He gets NO say whatsoever. You and you alone get to decide, don’t even discuss it with him.

Mummyoflittledragon · 04/10/2020 12:54

I think you need to be more than annoyed. He sounds like a misogynistic, useless man.

FippertyGibbett · 04/10/2020 12:55

It’s your body and you should do whatever you want to do.
I wonder if labour just takes up too much of his time and he’d rather it was all over and done with ASAP so he can get on with his life.
He’s not sounding much like a keeper.

Nanny0gg · 04/10/2020 12:57

Look after yourself and the baby/s.

He can sort himself, selfish git.

SherryPalmer · 04/10/2020 13:03

he wants as much normality as normal when the baby arrives.

What. A. Dickhead.

rainkeepsfallingdown · 04/10/2020 13:06

I started typing a response, but I don't know how you explain something like this to a second-time father who just doesn't get it.

I mean, I'm sure you'd also love some normality after you give birth. However... that's just not how life works. I think most normal men would understand they'd have to put the weekend footie on ice for an undisclosed period of between a few weeks and a year...

NerrSnerr · 04/10/2020 13:11

I have a friend who has 3 children 6 and under and her husband has been like this all along. He will go to his sports for most of Saturday and often swan off for some 'me' time on Sunday. She works part time and looks after the children. We were on a play date at the park last summer and I suggested that she tries to get some time with him looking after the children so she can have a rest and she weakly told me, 'I get to catch up with my friends on play dates so I get my leisure time too'. No idea why so many women put up with it.

BluebellsGreenbells · 04/10/2020 13:14

Depends. If he’s taking two week paternity I doubt a few hours on a Sunday would be a big issue.

He needs to step up and help though and you need to start a weekly hobby. Even if it’s a bath or a girls night out.

pinknsparkly · 04/10/2020 19:44

My husband used to play football two evenings a week. He didn't even speak to me about whether or not (or how) to continue it after our little one was born - he just told them he could no longer play! I imagine he will start again at some point once lockdown is over, but would only do so after discussing with me. He chose to have a baby just as much as I did, so is just as responsible for being around for her as I am!

ferntwist · 04/10/2020 20:41

I’m gobsmacked OP. He’s really taking you for a ride. You must stand up to him now or things will get much worse after baby arrives and it will end up killing your love for him.

ferntwist · 04/10/2020 20:45

You must go for a natural birth if that’s what you want. A second C-section can take longer than your first because of scar tissue (this happened to me) and it also impacts on how easy it might be to have a third baby.

Pancakeorcrepe · 04/10/2020 21:08

What a selfish, useless wanker of a man! This makes me so angry!

Everydayimhuffling · 05/10/2020 05:39

It isn't his decision what kind of birth you have. If he won't discuss it then make your choices without him. I imagine he isn't allowed at your appointments anyway.

I have an 18 month gap: it's really hard early on even with an awesome supportive partner. He needs to start being part of the family and doing the family work now. Honestly, I don't know how anyone could manage this alone while watching their DP do F all.

AmazingBouncingFerret · 05/10/2020 06:57

Is he trying to control the day you give birth by saying he can’t bear to watch you go through natural birth again? God forbid you went into labour on football Sunday...

TwilightSkies · 05/10/2020 07:06

Don’t know what advice to give you OP. He’s a truly selfish man, you only exist to make his life easier. No care or concern for you at all. It’s not a partnership.

firstimemamma · 05/10/2020 07:10

What a dickhead. What about what you want or need after going through so much physically? Yanbu.

Odile13 · 05/10/2020 07:21

I’m so sorry OP, he’s being really mean to you and what he’s saying about “normality” is ridiculous. I would be absolutely exhausted if I was doing as much as you.

MJMG2015 · 05/10/2020 08:41

Oh dear 😢

Firstly & most importantly, your body - your choice. He's had his (selfish) say about the birth, but that's the end of his day in this. If YOU want to try for a 'natural' birth & your medical team are supportive of that, then do that it is NOT up to him!!

He wants 'normality' FFS. He is an extremely selfish wanker. He expects you to work 3 days and do everything for your toddler and around the house.

Why have you been doing this? Putting up with this?

I am so sorry your mum died when you were a child. I obviously have no idea how you were brought up after that, but I suspect it's the root of you putting up with your H. I think you'd benefit from some counselling.

You need to start standing up for yourself - your needs.

Do you have a friend you could be hinest with?

Big hugs x

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