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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

thinking a friend trying to resell something she got from me is rude

110 replies

Chocice79 · 04/10/2020 01:59

I have a friend that I know known since we were kids. she has a teenage daughter who she now says went to change her name. I have started a bead bracelet business recently and since i know it not really my friends type of thing I ask her did she know anyone else who might be interested in my bracelets She then said she wanted to get one in honour of her daughter new name and with that initial on it as a gift to her. so we talked decided on colours the design. I gave it to her a couple of days ago and she paid for it but less then 2 nights later I'm seeing it up for sale on her husband profile on a selling site! worse still they are trying to make a profit in it! I'm just so mad as I made it as a gift it not like I forced my friend to buy it.What to now say to her as there is no way I not gonna say that I dont know.

OP posts:
Livelovebehappy · 04/10/2020 10:16

It’s rude, but less rude than if she had actually got it for free, then sold on. It’s hers to do with as she pleases. My mil passes on presents given to her for birthdays etc, to others in the family for their birthdays. Absolutely irritates me, but i have to think they’re hers to do with as she wants, although I know this is different as money does not change hands.

MadameMeursault · 04/10/2020 10:22

You should buy it back. Then she’ll know you know!

VodselForDinner · 04/10/2020 10:30

Chances are the daughter didn’t like it- I can’t think of any teenage girls I know who would wear bead bracelets.

How much did you sell it to her and how much is she selling it for? I’d imagine there’s only a couple of pounds in the difference.

I couldn’t get worked up over it.

jagoda · 04/10/2020 10:33

She isn't selling it though is she? Her husband is.

It does sound as though maybe the husband has issues with the name change?

MilerVino · 04/10/2020 10:34

When I was a kid I made my sister a felt donkey. When we were in our thirties I saw it in the window of a charity shop so went in and bought it.

I'm sorry your sister has been horrible to you but there are other ways of viewing this incident at least. Had she kept the donkey for all the years in between or do you think she'd passed it on before then and the new owner then put it in the shop? Sounds as if she may have kept it for decades, which is great in itself. Even if not, she had passed it on so that it could give someone else joy, rather than just binning it.

I periodically have a good clear out. I don't wish to offend anyone who has given me stuff, but I don't need stuff to appreciate them. I move quite often and don't want to have a lot of things I don't need, so I have to be a bit ruthless. And sometimes I'll pass things on thinking 'well it gave me pleasure, time for it to continue its journey and bring pleasure to someone else'.

Giving a donkey away doesn't mean your sister is being horrible. And selling a bracelet doesn't make the OP's friend a bad person - it's just a different view of material goods.

crosspelican · 04/10/2020 10:38

She doesn't like it/bead bracelets in general, but wanted to support your business. How did you discover it was for sale? I'm sure she didn't realise you'd actually see it.

I would find it difficult to keep my mouth shut though.

"Hi friend, I do appreciate that you were being kind by supporting my new business with the bracelet, but I was hurt to see it up for sale on your DH's Facebook Marketplace last night. It came up on my feed because we're friends, I guess. Chocice x"

mummmy2017 · 04/10/2020 10:39

Don't fall out over it.
But do increase your prices if it sells.
Maybe advertise you can do personalized ones on the same site.

Imloosingmyshit · 04/10/2020 10:42

If she paid for it it’s hers. She can sell it if she wants

2020goawaynow · 04/10/2020 10:52

She was supporting your business which was nice of her. Her daughter probably didn't like it and she's upped the price to include postage maybe ?

LoveEatYoga · 04/10/2020 10:57

I think if it was a gift then she was wrong and YANBU

But it is strange that you say it was a gift but also that she paid for it. You know that if she paid for it then it's not a gift? In that case I think YABU

She might have bought it from you to be polite and support your business but doesnt really like the bracelets is what I'm thinking

LoveEatYoga · 04/10/2020 10:58

Also if she's selling it then she is going to try to get the best price which I think is fine

peachypetite · 04/10/2020 11:00

You can’t be this sensitive and run your own business. Her daughter probably didn’t want it and she felt awkward telling you so is trying to get the money back.

RattleOfBars · 04/10/2020 11:01

Hurtful, yes. But she paid for it so it wasn’t a ‘gift’.

Maybe the daughter didn’t like it or it didn’t fit and she wanted to sell it to buy her something else?

AldiAisleofCrap · 04/10/2020 11:05

If someone is friends will someone on Facebook and they are in the same selling group eg BargainBay Southampton any for sales posts by the friend will automatically show up in your Facebook feed. You don’t need to stalk people.

@Chocice79 why are you calling it a gift?

Glitteryone · 04/10/2020 11:08

It wasn’t a gift, she paid for it. Therefore you are being vvvvvvvvvvvvery unreasonable!

AngryPrincess · 04/10/2020 11:11

I just would not make anything for her again. It is rude. Chalk it up to experience.

AngryPrincess · 04/10/2020 11:12

Maybe the husband is selling it without his wife’s knowledge? Tell her you’re very concerned that he is doing this behind her back.

Elsewyre · 04/10/2020 11:16

@AngryPrincess

I just would not make anything for her again. It is rude. Chalk it up to experience.
Can you imagine if any real business too this stance? Grin
LindaEllen · 04/10/2020 11:19

I can see why it might feel like a bit of a kick in the teeth seeing as you spent time making it for her, and really wanted her to like it .. but as others have said, once it's theirs, it's theirs.

It is pretty thoughtless to put it on a selling site (I assume the likes of Facebook Marketplace?) if you're friends with the husband and would see what they'd done. I think I'd have the tact to keep it for a while before selling it, even if it wasn't being worn .. but that's just me. It doesn't really matter, as it's theirs now.

WorraLiberty · 04/10/2020 11:20

I don't think it's rude.

She probably changed her mind, showed it to her DD who didn't like it and so she put it up for sale - just as she probably would with any purchase mistake.

If she ends up getting more than she paid, that should be an indication to you that you need to up your prices.

BrieAndChilli · 04/10/2020 11:22

There could be a million reasons

Daughter doesn’t like it
Too small/big
Daughter is no longer changing name

It really doesn’t matter because as soon as you sell something it is no longer yours and the buyer can do what ever they like with it. It’s a free market. People buy stuff all the time and then change thier minds.

ithinkiveseenthisfilmbefore · 04/10/2020 11:27

She paid you what you asked for it.
It's her to do with as she wishes.

Maybe her DD didn't like it; not her style.
Maybe her DD decided against the name change.

Maybe you can charge more going ahead if it sells at the higher price.

WhatWouldJKRDo · 04/10/2020 11:34

Am I the only one wanting to see the bracelets the OP makes?

All this has definitely piqued my curiosity.

AlpineSnow · 04/10/2020 11:43

Could you buy it back? Wink

GrumpyHoonMain · 04/10/2020 11:47

Just reply on the listing that you are the designer and if anyone wants a different design to contact you for a 10% discount.