To start divorce proceedings because my "D"H said this?

[IckyPop]

My "D"H just said to me, in all seriousness and with no hint of irony, "I don't normally try to solutionize, but....."
I didn't let him finish his sentence before asking him WTF is solutionize? He is in a technical profession and when interrogated about his verbal crime against humanity, he said it does actually get used at work.
He doesn't normally come out with corporate bullshit so this came right out of the blue.
I told him I could never take anything he said seriously again and that I was going to solutionize my aching back by taking my cup of tea back to bed.
Should I LTB?

My husband, the science teacher, says "absorbative".

‘Not my circus’ is the opening of a polish proverb not corporate speak!

Solutionise (sorry - can’t do American spellings even for fake words) is a new one but we do a lot of solutioning or ‘solution for x’ which also bollocks.

Sorry to be clear with the ‘solution for x’ we’re still using solution as a verb, not talking about A solution for x.

Mine once told me he’d had an ideation session at work.

I like “not my circus not my monkeys” but the rest is wanky and you should have packed his bags there and then.
My boss asked for a “critical pathway” once and I just said “are you asking for a deadline then?”
As an aside you definitely need a footrest if your feet don’t touch the floor V bad for your posture.

@CaraDuneRedux

Does he "run it up the flagpole" or "put a pin in it"?

Divorce would be the humane solution. New patio also an option.

True. Putting a pin in it seems rather cruel.

Let's circle back
When push comes to shove
At the end of the day
It is what it is
I feel......
To me....
Shift the paradigm
A window (as in I have one at x pm)
Let's kick the can down the road
Low hanging fruit
Reach out
Touch base
Walk and talk

(can you tell I worked for blue chip corporate wankers for 20 odd years?).

Best one was - big old Newry man (lovely guy).

SERIAL! Client X says she wants to touch my base!!!! WTF? She's not touching my base - the wife will kill me!

@JustMeAndMyTins

‘Not my circus’ is the opening of a polish proverb not corporate speak!

Solutionise (sorry - can’t do American spellings even for fake words) is a new one but we do a lot of solutioning or ‘solution for x’ which also bollocks.

In normal circumstances I agree with your views on spelling, but it seemed to warrant the 'z' as it was so twatish. I imagined how it would look on an email sent to cascade the information

And I think not my circus is a czech proverb.......

He needs to get up on the helicopter and see if he can use some blue sky-ism to get people singing off the same hymn sheet.

Definitely LTB. That’s like “diarise”, which makes me angry. 😬

Be kind, Toil. No one can help it if they're having explosive shits -- which I presume what's happening if they're diarising.

I’m probably being a bit thick, but I don’t get it. Is it because these are terms used in business that shouldn’t be used at home?

These are mostly really common phrases so coming up with a different way of saying them would impede communication.

I frequently wish to find out to whom I should 'escalate issues', particularly where nobody is 'taking ownership'. The one the other day where neither letting agent or landlord or wife were solutionizing really got my lingo going. I wanted someone to take ownership by COB or I would have needed to escalate issues. To who I was going to escalate issues I don't know, but it sounded good at the time. Saying that I'm about to go nuclear and write to the DM with a sad face if they didn't fucking fix my plumbing didn't really seem to cut it.

My boss asked for a “critical pathway” once and I just said “are you asking for a deadline then?”

To be fair, the critical path is a proper project management term that means the tasks that, if they slip, will affect the whole project delivery date. However, I've heard people completely misuse that term an lot too.

To be fair, diarise has been used for at least 30 odd years and it actually is a word with meaning. Rest is wankery piffle.

Also my really bugbear, and I know it probably is petty, is people using the word "utilise/utilize" instead of "use".

I also was almost violent when a fellow British colleague of mine used the word "deplane".

Maybe you need to 'reach out' for help?

You should try translating IT instructions. I once embarrassed myself by telling my English team that there was no such word as an 'executable'. There is. In IT land. In all languages. It's essentially a programme that runs something on your computer. Not sure whether it's in the dictionary yet, but I hadn't heard of it. Makes no sense.

.exe files are executables I think. Don't quote me on that.

I think this thread has circled back to the beginning. OP's DH is clearly executable in the old-fashioned sense!

^Today 10:56Mrsjayy

I would immediately is he normally a plonker 😃 Dh has a habit of coming away with "not my circus^

Mrsjayy is your dh a secret mumsnetter?? That's definitely mumsnet bingo territory

I'm not sure which is worse: corporate speak or customer service speak. Both give me the rage. But I do want to commit minor acts of violence to people who say yourself and myself when they mean me and you (shall I send that out to yourself, arrggghhh). Also 'not a problem' when they mean yes or that's fine. Is there some language school they go to to learn this stuff?

shall I send that out to yourself

This makes me shudder. Why has the word "you" been replaced.

Also agree with "not a problem", that one makes me a little bit stabby.

Yep "not a problem" aargh! Of course it's not a problem when it's your bloody JOB!! To do the thing you've been asked to do. Hate it.