Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not tell my family when I go into labour?

70 replies

Wobbitcatcher · 02/10/2020 21:53

I’m due my 2nd baby any day now. With my son my husband was keeping everyone updated on WhatsApp but made the mistake of saying her next check is at midnight but midwife thinks baby will be here before then.

Baby wasn’t born until nearly 3am and with stitches etc we were pretty busy so he didn’t actually update them again until 4am.

My family were in bits - a way over the top reaction, they thought I was dead Hmm

The situation is more complicated this time as my SIL is also pregnant and already overdue, she will be upset/fuming if I have my baby before she has hers.

My instinct is just to not tell them anything, they can’t worry if they don’t know and they could wake up to a baby photo instead of staying up all night worrying.

My dhs family will be looking after our son so no need for them to know.

I’m currently having strong period pains so think something could happen this evening!

OP posts:
Sexnotgender · 02/10/2020 21:54

YANBU, I didn’t want anyone to know I was in labour. It’s added pressure you don’t need. Good luck!

Callingallbutterflies · 02/10/2020 21:57

Don't tell them! Absolutely your perogative. Pressure is off to update.. . all the focus can be on you. All the best to you for the night and day ahead.

Leaannb · 02/10/2020 21:57

save your sanity and keep your mouth shut.

Sunnydaysstillhere · 02/10/2020 21:58

Mouth shut
Legs open
Grin

Vagaries · 02/10/2020 21:58

I went a fortnight overdue, had a non-progressive labour and a CS before updating anyone. Who needs the additional task of being a news bureau?

Heatherjayne1972 · 02/10/2020 22:01

If they’re as bad as you say they are why don’t you wait until you’re home and settled
Then tell them

BluebellsGreenbells · 02/10/2020 22:03

I’m not sure when this became a thing. Nobody other than carers for an older child we’re the only ones aware of labour.

People were called during the day the baby arrived.

Much simpler.

DueNumberTwo · 02/10/2020 22:04

Don't tell them until the baby is born.

Original poster
Wobbitcatcher · 02/10/2020 22:06

@Heatherjayne1972

If they’re as bad as you say they are why don’t you wait until you’re home and settled Then tell them
Tempting but they will be furious that we haven’t been updating them so a “it all happened so quickly we didn’t get chance” we might get away with but I’ll probably have to stay in at least 24hrs and we won’t get away with avoiding that!
OP posts:
happytoday73 · 02/10/2020 22:15

I had a very long 1st labour, we'd spoken in morning from labour ward, my mum rang ward in evening and was told progessing but slow... middle of the night was told couldn't update... She was worried something was going terribly wrong due to midwife tone, didn't sleep, walked the house all night. Not hysterical or over emotional just really worried and unable to settle.

We had to tell my parents with second as they babysat but I wouldn't want to put my mum through that again by choice. Luckily my second was fast and first thing we did was rang mum to say 'baby had arrived, all well, sleep now' 😁👶

So yes... Don't tell them... Easy excuse if middle if night.... Or get your DH just to text when 8cm or something

WorksTheDinerAllDay · 02/10/2020 22:19

Don't tell them. We made that mistake the first time round and DH was bombarded with messages throughout my 14 hour labour, asking for updates. So we kept quiet the second time. Put a few people out but tough titties.

VinylDetective · 02/10/2020 22:20

Do it the old fashioned way. Don’t tell anyone anything until the baby’s here.

Thisisnotnormal69 · 02/10/2020 22:21

SIL sounds mad Grin yes out off telling them definitely!

Good luck, keep us updated!!

groutingqueen · 02/10/2020 22:24

God no! Stay quiet.
When baby arrives task your DH with texting and announcing the safe arrival of your little one.

ZigZagToTheBeach · 02/10/2020 22:24

When I went into labour with our DC1 we told our parents but asked them not to tell anyone else. I kid you not, my grandparents refused to speak to us for over two weeks because they were so offended! The only reason they started speaking to us again is because my grandma ended up in hospital so I phoned her. Their reaction still bugs me to this day.

MaskingForIt · 02/10/2020 22:28

Perfectly reasonable. We’ve told our families that the due date is a fortnight after my actual due date in order to keep the levels of crazy down.

WhoseThatGirl · 02/10/2020 22:30

I don’t know why anyone would tell their families unless they need to for child care. My DD was 2 weeks over, I had constant ‘any signs yet?’ Messages for a month.

kelper · 02/10/2020 22:34

God this has taken me back, DS is 14 now, but I went into labour at 1am, DS was born at 11am, and I rang my mum at my Grannies to call her Grandma at lunchtime!
DH then was allowed to ring his crazy family to let them know DS was here :)
Theres no way I would have let anyone know labour had started, it was just for DH and I.

Laaalaaaa · 02/10/2020 22:36

Unless you rely on someone for childcare I really don’t understand people announcing when they are in labour. My baby was born, once everything had settled down and we’d actually had a bit of time with baby, we both let our families know. If we’d told them from when I’d been induced we’d have felt obliged to keep updating until baby arrived 36 hours later. Who needs that extra stress?

SandyY2K · 02/10/2020 22:38

YANBU
Let them know when they receive the baby photo.

You can just say after last time, we didn't want you worrying. Simple!

As for your SIL...where do such people come from.

Original poster
Wobbitcatcher · 02/10/2020 22:41

I’m glad your all echoing my thoughts. My DH thinks I’m being cruel and is worried that because his parents will know (as they are our childcare) it will make things worse.
I think they will cope better if they wake up to happy news than wondering/worrying all night.
I’ve taken some paracetamol and taken myself to bed while things feel mild. Really hope this is it and I’ll be holding a little squish soon!

OP posts:
BackforGood · 02/10/2020 22:44

I’m not sure when this became a thing. Nobody other than carers for an older child we’re the only ones aware of labour.

This ^

Can't understand why anyone would want a running commentary on someone else's labour.

I sincerely hope my dc just let me know once the baby is here.

Japa · 02/10/2020 23:13

Good idea not to tell them until it's all done and dusted. It will probably make you feel more relaxed.

I remember my Mil was ringing the hospital when I was in labour. The nurses got annoyed as they were very busy.

zb2019 · 02/10/2020 23:21

I remember telling my husband that in no condition he was to inform anyone that I was in labour that included my mother and MIL. And it was amazing not to have anyone with me except my husband.
He told them soon after I gave birth. But didn't allow anyone to come until I'd showered and was comfortable (about 7 hours after the birth of my dc) 😁 gave me more than enough time to have skin to skin and enjoy the first moments with my newborn.

StillCoughingandLaughing · 03/10/2020 05:34

Tempting but they will be furious that we haven’t been updating them

‘Tough titty’ is the expression that springs to mind.