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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not tell my family when I go into labour?

70 replies

Wobbitcatcher · 02/10/2020 21:53

I’m due my 2nd baby any day now. With my son my husband was keeping everyone updated on WhatsApp but made the mistake of saying her next check is at midnight but midwife thinks baby will be here before then.

Baby wasn’t born until nearly 3am and with stitches etc we were pretty busy so he didn’t actually update them again until 4am.

My family were in bits - a way over the top reaction, they thought I was dead Hmm

The situation is more complicated this time as my SIL is also pregnant and already overdue, she will be upset/fuming if I have my baby before she has hers.

My instinct is just to not tell them anything, they can’t worry if they don’t know and they could wake up to a baby photo instead of staying up all night worrying.

My dhs family will be looking after our son so no need for them to know.

I’m currently having strong period pains so think something could happen this evening!

OP posts:
Anniegetyourgun · 03/10/2020 05:43

But don't forget in all the excitement, when you do tell them, to also update Mumsnet!

seayork2020 · 03/10/2020 05:49

My mum was with me and dh, I was planned induced so people knew that they were called when our son was born. There was no running commentary on the way.

For others I know I want to know their baby is born and all is well, I dont need updates just when it's over

UrbanAli · 03/10/2020 06:27

For my first, everyone knew I was being induced. I had my MIL and my mother in the room with my husband, doctor, nurses, etc. Things nearly went very badly - it was awful. For the next three, only my MIL and FIL knew because they looked after the other kids. Waking up to a photo and news of a healthy baby and successful delivery was so much nicer than everyone worrying. All the best for tonight :)

cheeseycharlie · 03/10/2020 06:30

YANBU!

Minimumstandard · 03/10/2020 06:43

my SIL is also pregnant and already overdue, she will be upset/fuming if I have my baby before she has hers.

With who? God? She must be bonkers to care about something like this that neither of you have any control over?

FippertyGibbett · 03/10/2020 06:45

I agree. We didn’t inform family until the morning and the babies had been born in the night.

Sindragosan · 03/10/2020 06:53

Tell them in the morning. Let them be furious (what sort of arseholes are with someone who's just given birth?) and definitely think about asking your DH to grow up and focus on his wife and children rather than anyone else.

custardbear · 03/10/2020 06:58

I'm shocked your SIL would be annoyed if you had your baby first!
Just keep it all to yourselves til your baby arrives - stuff keeping everyone updated - they can know when your baby arrives

custardbear · 03/10/2020 06:58

... but update us of course 😉

groutingqueen · 07/10/2020 08:10

@Wobbitcatcher is congratulations in order?!

User4152790 · 07/10/2020 08:16

YANBU. I’m pregnant and definitely don’t want to tell family when I’m in labour - my mum is a serial texter and will nag constantly for updates if she knows it’s happening.

Also, from a selfish perspective, when my sister had her baby we were told as soon as she went into labour. She then had a very difficult and protracted labour. It was agony waiting to hear how she was, and if the baby was ok. I would always be there as a support for someone who wanted it, but personally I would rather wait for the happy announcement than sit through the hours of anxious waiting!

thinpigeon · 07/10/2020 08:19

I didn't tell anyone what my due date was, let alone when I went into labour! The first anyone knew was much later in the day after I'd had a sleep and was in a better state to tell everyone...

Macncheeseballs · 07/10/2020 08:30

It's the one time in your life that your family's 'fury' or otherwise mean zilch

Original poster
Wobbitcatcher · 07/10/2020 12:36

@groutingqueen no not yet!
4 days overdue now Angry

OP posts:
Scweltish · 07/10/2020 12:43

Has sil had hers yet? I’m hoping yours comes first now!
And I wouldn’t tell them until the baby’s here. I wouldn’t lie about it either. I’d tell them now ‘I’ll let you know once the baby’s arrived because of the way you overreacted last time. Oh doesn’t want to be pressured into giving constant updates when he’s trying to focus on me and the baby’.

LindaEllen · 07/10/2020 12:46

Absolutely just tell them when the baby is here. It seems like it'd be much less stress for all concerned!

MrsKJones · 07/10/2020 12:50

@Sunnydaysstillhere

Mouth shut Legs open Grin
Ha ha, you could apply the same logic to making the baby lol
Asterion · 07/10/2020 12:53

I'd be pretty hurt if I were a close relative of yours and your DH's family knew you were in labour, and I didn't.

LaBellina · 07/10/2020 12:54

YANBU.

Your body, your labour, your right to not share with anyone any information you're not feeling comfortable with sharing.

If it feels good to you to keep it quiet, you don't owe anyone even an explanation over it other then : because that's what felt best for us.

Anyone making a fuss over it after birth doesn't have your best interest at heart.

Dug14 · 07/10/2020 12:56

I wouldn’t say anything.

With both kids we didn’t. We didn’t say anything until we had some time with our babies. I’m glad , because there would have been a mad dash for people to come to the hospital.

SummerBaby2020 · 07/10/2020 12:57

The only people that knew I was being induced were my mum and dad as I was a week overdue and due to having my dd in the middle of the lockdown they were already worried anyway having not seen me for the last 8 weeks of my pregnancy. 36 hours and an emergency c-section later then we let everyone know I didn’t even say a word when my sister called during a contraction in early labour just muted the phone lol 😂 ( it came out of no where at the time and that’s when things really ramped up! )

My DB and SIL did the same but they had elective c-sections with both of theirs and didn’t tell us until they were here. I wouldn’t tell anyone it’s just not worth the extra grief tbh. And good luck and congratulations when the time comes Grin Flowers

FelicityBob · 07/10/2020 12:58

Let them be furious! Nobody’s business except yours

Hullabaloo31 · 07/10/2020 13:00

We only told my folks the first time as they were on dog-minding duty. Baby was a week early so everyone else just got a call in the morning.

Second time my folks again, dog and child duty. My MIL preferred not to know as she said it was horrible waiting, which I agree with from knowing when my SIL was in labour.

Bubbletrouble43 · 07/10/2020 13:02

With Dc1 we didn't tell anyone anything had happened until after we had had our first snuggles and feed etc after she was born. With dcs 2 and 3(twins) they were born by Elcs late morning so everyone knew they were coming but noone visited on our instructions until late afternoon, just got a text saying all good, see you after 3pm. I wouldn't have wanted to be considering anyone else but us at that time iyswim. So Yanbu. Definitely.

SqidgeBum · 07/10/2020 13:02

I am due my 2nd baby in 3 weeks and I am thinking of doing the same, or at least not letting my family know until labour is at the second stage. I was over 52 hours in labour last time (Saturday night to Tuesday 3am) and my poor mother was a complete wreck. She didnt sleep for those 3 nights. My DH went quiet on whatsapp, obviously because he was focused on me, and my sister, who is a nurse in London, was on the verge of getting her head of paediatrics to ring my hospital! They thought I was dead too.

I think they may be a bit angry if I dont tell them, but then I just cant put them through that again.

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