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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

About my mums comment

73 replies

Givemeabreak88 · 02/10/2020 21:23

My mum had my daughter over night for the first time last night. She is 3, she has never had her over night and I want to be clear at this point she offered to have her this was not a case of me asking. Anyway she brought her back today and mentioned that she’s really stroppy which I agree with but surely that’s normal for a 3 year old Hmm anyway she was telling me this then went “oh she’s horrible” then as soon as she realised she said it she quickly changed what she said but she definitely used the word horrible, I was really shocked so didn’t say anything but now I’m thinking about it after and I find it really off that she said that! Obviously I won’t be doing any more over nights but just wondered if I was BU to find the comment upsetting

OP posts:
Leaannb · 02/10/2020 21:24

If the child was behaving horribly for her.....

PlanDeRaccordement · 02/10/2020 21:28

I would not worry about it. Sounds like a slip of the tongue. It has probably been decades since she’s faced a toddler tantrum/meltdown. One probably happened since it was your DDs first sleep over ever in her life. Tantrums/meltdowns are honestly horrible/terrible. And if you are not used to it can be very upsetting.

sunshineandshowers21 · 02/10/2020 21:31

i’m pretty sure i call my two year horrible on a daily basis 🙈 toddlers are horrible a lot of the time! you’re really going to stop your mum having her grandchild overnight because of an offhand comment? Hmm overreaction much?

MaizeBlouse · 02/10/2020 21:31

I'd be upset too OP, no one wants to be told that thier child is horrible, especially by thier mother!!

If this was your DDs first over night with someone new she may well have not been displaying her best behaviour as well, so its unfair of your mum to say that.

If she's anything like my mother then she'll have set an expectation of her grandchild sitting on her knee as she reads her Aesops fables and they do drawing together. With a pat on her head the little one pops off to bed with a cup of warm milk and doesnt make a peep until morning. At least this is the kind of bollocks my mother comes out with (she hasn't had any of my DCs alone in her care). When in reality 3yos in a new environment will be unsettled and energetic and may not want to eat unfamiliar food.

Say no next time, not that it sounds like there will be one!

Original poster
Givemeabreak88 · 02/10/2020 21:33

I wouldn’t call anyone’s child horrible tbh! I’m not saying she can’t have her but I won’t be sending overnight , if you sent your child to a child minder and she said “oh she’s horrible” would you happily send her again? Confused

OP posts:
MJMG2015 · 02/10/2020 21:34

Are you sure she didn't say 'she was being horrible'

Describing the behaviour as horrible is fine, saying Dd IS horrible is absolutely not.

Did she sleep through?

sunshineandshowers21 · 02/10/2020 21:35

a childminder and your mum are two completely different scenarios. there isn’t a personal connection there. my mum calls my two year ‘mowgli’ because she’s basically feral when she stays with my parents. it wouldn’t occur to me to be bothered.

Leaannb · 02/10/2020 21:36

@Givemeabreak88

I wouldn’t call anyone’s child horrible tbh! I’m not saying she can’t have her but I won’t be sending overnight , if you sent your child to a child minder and she said “oh she’s horrible” would you happily send her again? Confused
If my child was behaving horribly then yes I would still send them after being disciplined. Why should the child minder be fired because the child can't behave
NataliaOsipova · 02/10/2020 21:36

if you sent your child to a child minder and she said “oh she’s horrible” would you happily send her again?

No - because that’s her job and I’d expect a level of detachment and professionalism. Your mum was just speaking colloquially. I really wouldn’t worry too much about it.

Notimeforaname · 02/10/2020 21:37

I think it's not a big deal. Just something she said. As you said your dd is at a difficult age.
I've said things like this and I worked with young kids for a long time . Kids can be jerks Grin

Original poster
Givemeabreak88 · 02/10/2020 21:38

She absolutely said “oh SHES horrible” as I do get what you mean if she said she had been horrible I probably wouldn’t have been bothered by it, she slept through according to my mum

OP posts:
OoohTheStatsDontLie · 02/10/2020 21:38

I think this is really a 'you had to be there ' one. There is a world of difference between a 'she was a horror!' or a 'she's horrible isnt she, ha ha' while giving her a kiss or something...and saying in a serious tone...'she really is horrible'

lifestooshort123 · 02/10/2020 21:41

I would be upset. Saying 'she is horrible' doesn't sound as though it was said with love. If it was me, I'd have said 'she's been a little terror, haven't you, you monkey!'. Oh dear. YANBU.

MaizeBlouse · 02/10/2020 21:41

I think there's a distinction between teasingly saying a child is a terror/feral/handful and bemoaning a 3yos behaviour and then calling them horrible. Obviously only OP knows what her mothers delivery was like but I get the feeling it was the latter.

Does your mum look after her other times?

Boomclaps · 02/10/2020 21:41

She corrected herself quickly I think you’re being ott kids are hard

ItWentDownMyHeartHole · 02/10/2020 21:44

My gran told me once that I’d been a horrible baby. Not a horrible toddler, a horrible baby!! She was quite unpleasant.
Don’t send your daughter to your mum again until she can separate the bad behaviour from the small person displaying it.

Original poster
Givemeabreak88 · 02/10/2020 21:45

No she screwed up her face when she said it, she wasn’t laughing, I know what I seen and heard but I do take on board what has been said.

And no she doesn’t have her at all this was the first time she’s ever had her. She has my older children sometimes but never the youngest.

OP posts:
TableFlowerss · 02/10/2020 21:53

@Givemeabreak88

I wouldn’t call anyone’s child horrible tbh! I’m not saying she can’t have her but I won’t be sending overnight , if you sent your child to a child minder and she said “oh she’s horrible” would you happily send her again? Confused
I can understand you being a bit miffed but your name will love your dd so much as she’s an extension of you after all.

Crikey sometimes my 8 year old winds me up to the point I think ‘little shit’ (in my head) but he’s my little shit (he’s good most of the time bless him) and I’d be raging if someone else said that to me.

But I think grandparents, particularly your mam, will have unconditional love for you dd so it’s not the same as a childminder who has no emotional attachment.

Generally grandparents see their GC at their worst and they probably do think little monkey etc... but it’s surely because they have such a close bond?

BackforGood · 02/10/2020 22:01

Exactly what @OoohTheStatsDontLie said at 21:38:48

Also, completely different from a professional childcare practitioner.

Back when mine were little, i've moaned about my dc1 in particular, being "really horrible today" on many an occasion to another adult I trust. Sometimes, dc are horrible.

Original poster
Givemeabreak88 · 02/10/2020 22:07

There’s a difference between saying someone has been horrible and that they are horrible IMO

OP posts:
GrumpyHoonMain · 02/10/2020 22:12

Is there a reason why you’re blowing this up out of proportion? Unless there’s a backstory just let it go.

adayatthebeach · 02/10/2020 22:18

Yes let it go. It’s not like she implied your an awful mom and your to blame. Sounds like she was still feeling overwhelmed.

Original poster
Givemeabreak88 · 02/10/2020 22:18

Ok thanks I take the comments on board, we have been NC for a few years and have only been in contact for the last 6 months so I’m probably letting that cloud my view (hence the reasons she’s never had her before) but didn’t really want to go into too much detail about that as it’s unrelated, I would rather be wrong anyway and she didn’t mean it how it sounded.

OP posts:
Buggabooboo · 02/10/2020 22:19

Friends of my DM call their granddaughter Lucifer (she's called Lucy). So I guess it happens 🤷🏻‍♀️

ddl1 · 02/10/2020 22:20

Are you sure that she didn't say 'She was BEING horrible', which is different from saying that your dd is a horrible child? If she really thinks your dd is horrible, that's worrying; but if's just a description of a particular piece of behaviour, I'd let it go.