About my mums comment

[Givemeabreak88]

My mum had my daughter over night for the first time last night. She is 3, she has never had her over night and I want to be clear at this point she offered to have her this was not a case of me asking. Anyway she brought her back today and mentioned that she’s really stroppy which I agree with but surely that’s normal for a 3 year old anyway she was telling me this then went “oh she’s horrible” then as soon as she realised she said it she quickly changed what she said but she definitely used the word horrible, I was really shocked so didn’t say anything but now I’m thinking about it after and I find it really off that she said that! Obviously I won’t be doing any more over nights but just wondered if I was BU to find the comment upsetting

Don't we all say that a badly behaved child is horrible, but not to their face? Especially if the child is having tantrums or melt downs. You can be worn out , it doesn't mean that you don't love them.

I think saying it about a child is normal. She is not saying it to the child.

Mountain and molehill

It is a horrible comment. I would never let your DC stay over alone again. She is so little!

Thanks Geppili I’m surprised so
Many people think it’s acceptable to call someone’s 3 year old horrible!

@givemeabreak88 I called my six year old cousin "awful" the other day. I was referring to her temper tantrums, and her shouting at adults.

It was a passing remark from me. It doesn't mean that I don't love her

That’s a very unkind thing to say about a 3 year old.

Sarahpaula who did you say it to though? Your dp/friend/older dc/mum/neighbour/mumsnet? Fair enough. The cousin's mum? That's rude.

The comment itself is not that surprising or unusual but most people would choose less emotive words when talking to the kids parents. Like grumpy or naughty, over awful, horrible, terrible, etc.

@RaisinGhost yes that it is a point, I said it to my own mum, not to the child's mum

Talk to her about it. But calm down first. If you leave it to fester it will grow.

I call my own 3 year old horrible when I'm at complete patience breaking point (not to him just to clarify) sometimes he absolutely is but his worst behaviour is only ever aimed at me and I feel horrendous that I even thought it afterwards.

Would I accept someone else telling me he is horrible? Absolutely not, why would you ever say that to someone else about their child, even if you thought it, that's something which just needs to stay inside your mouth.

Shes just venting. I doubt she actually means that her grandchild is horrible. We all have days when we could cheerfully wring the necks of our toddlers. When I've sat for myless than angelic nieces and their mum has asked how they were, I have been known to mouth the words 'little cows' to her behind their backs. Their nan has also come a cropper for teaching them bad language when my 4 year old nephew cheerfully told my sister when asked if he had been good informed her 'I've been a right little bastard'

We still love them. They aren't really horrible its just that kids that age are difficult.

Someone who believed my child to be horrible would not be looking after my child again. Especially a grandparent. That’s unforgivable in my book.

Thank you, bit of a mixed bag, she wasn’t saying it cos she was naughty, it’s because she was grumpy/moody, that’s just what she is like sometimes, I’m not sure how I can change that as someone suggested she’s not like it all the time but yes she strops, but as I said thought that was relatively normal 3 year old behaviour, perhaps not

@Givemeabreak88 have you never said that a child is awful, badly behaved or terrible?

It is something that people say, and don't really mean.

I wouldn't have someone say because my child is acting like a toddler they're horrible. MN will always say you 'over reacted' 'give your head a wobble' if you said to your mum when she was moody 'you're a horrible old crow' people wouldn't say well if she was acting horrible then she deserved it. They'd be saying it was rude.

Badly behaved isn’t the same as calling someone horrible so we will have to agree to disagree, I’ve looked after my nephew and if he played up I would tell his mum about it but I wouldn’t tell anyone their child was horrible no.

PivotPivott Exactly! Couldn’t have put it better. Maybe I should call her horrible next time she’s in a bad mood

@Givemeabreak88 I called my six year old cousin "awful" because she was badly behaved. I probably called her horrible too.

I just don't think the words have much meaning. Haven't we all called our boyfriends lazy, bad, awful at times?But we still love them.

If one of my parents said that it would be because my child is being horrible not spirited or energetic or showing their personality but being horrible so I would take it that it was true

I think it completely depends on the tone. I can understand why you'd be upset though

I do think that this betrays a certain kind of coldness and a lack of love.
Whatever our opinions on here, OP, don't doubt your instincts. You were upset for good reason.

seayork2020 I have already explained the context, she said that she goes in a mood for no reason and will be grumpy and off, she then said she makes a growling noise when she’s in a bad mood (which she does) and then she went on to say “oh she’s horrible” she never mentioned that she had played up or been badly behaved unless you class being in a bad mood as badly behaved.