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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not to spend a lot on Birthday and Christmas

68 replies

Mammylamb · 02/10/2020 10:48

I feel pretty mean, but I’m not planning to spend a lot on DS4s birthday and Christmas: possibly about £50 on each for him. We are also planning to only spend about £20 on each other and per grandparent and Neice’s / nephews And a token gift for friends kids that we normally buy for (ie a toy or pjs in the sales for under a fiver)

During lockdown DS was spoiled by his grandparents sending gifts over all the time (trampoline which costs 100s, goalposts, basketball set, swing ball set and lots of other small toys), he also has a playroom absolutely full of toys, and I’m really not sure if there are many things that I could buy him, he Already has has a bike, scooter, skates, electric quad bike).

In addition to this we have had a number of things going wrong in the house and car and unexpected various expenses, totalling about £2k. This has made a significant dent in our savings, so I’m loathe to buy my son loads of stuff that he doesn’t need (or actually really want) or spend lots of money on people Who don’t really want or need anything just for the sake of it. I’m absolutely not getting into any debt.

While I know that this is all very sensible, I still have the feeling that we are being “mean”, these days people seem to spend an awful lot on Christmas and birthdays.

We have a decent sized house and have ok salaries. I suppose if we didn’t have such a big house and expenses with it, we could afford more, but ultimately we love the house, and it will be an investment when we’re older and looking to downsize (once the mortgage is paid off we could sell it and buy 2 or 3 flats).

So, aibu?

Yabu: dip into savings and spend decent money on Christmas/birthdays

Yanbu: don’t spend a fortune on just one day

OP posts:
ilovepuggies · 02/10/2020 10:56

Could you sell some of his unused things and then spend the money on getting a few extra’s? I think spending less when there’s already a lot seems fine. Last Christmas I spent too much and I have vowed not to do that again because of space and then future expectations.

Figgygal · 02/10/2020 10:57

I agree with you I’m horrified by the amount of money some people on here say they spend

Miljea · 02/10/2020 11:00

I am stunned at how much people spend on kids for birthdays and Xmas!

Onekidnoclue · 02/10/2020 11:04

We’re pretty well off and I’m desperate to stem the tide of toys and plastic shit into the house.
I’m already trying to reign in Christmas spending and would be thrilled if aunts and uncles cut back.
Your child is clearly very fortunate to have lovely things already. Christmas is a time for fun and a bit of a treat. Definitely don’t dip into savings, he’ll have a great time with £50 of presents from you and I guess some from other family members too.

Original poster
Mammylamb · 02/10/2020 11:09

@Onekidnoclue. Yes! The grandparents spoil him! Usually a small toy and then £100 from each side to buy some sort of annual pass (local play farm or science centre)

OP posts:
user1493413286 · 02/10/2020 11:13

I’m really going to pull back in this year; my DD is 3 and has so much stuff that she already doesn’t get round to playing with.

bridgetreilly · 02/10/2020 11:32

He’s 4. He has no idea how much things cost. What you are proposing to spend seems a perfectly reasonable amount to me in a normal year, tbh.

Oly4 · 02/10/2020 11:36

Sounds reasonable. Personally we spoil our kids at Christmas as they get next to nothing the rest of the year. And I think Christmas is wonderful as a child when you have a pile of presents - I remember it well!
But you can get a lot for a 4yo for £50

seayork2020 · 02/10/2020 11:41

Not spending a lot is normal for us, I just see the point of buying for the sake of it

BarbaraofSeville · 02/10/2020 11:44

He's 4. He'd probably be over the moon with a giant cardboard box full of balloons that he can stamp on and then use the box as a fort while eating a £2 selection box.

The whole 'giant pile of presents to show off on FB' is ridiculous and not a sign of generosity or how much you love your DC.

It's just as important, if not more so, to give him a home with stable finances where you can cover expenses like house and car repairs without getting into debt because you've spent all your spare money on crap that no-one wants or needs.

nosswith · 02/10/2020 11:45

Perfectly reasonable as long as others are not being spoilt. Also a useful lesson for DS in that you cannot have everything you want. Many of his friends at school may get far less.

WhatATimeToBeAlive · 02/10/2020 11:45

£50 for a 4 year old is more than enough.

marriednotdead · 02/10/2020 11:46

Another one who thinks that £50 is plenty.

Save your cash for the teen years when everything costs a fortune!

I reigned it in massively a few years ago and we all agree Christmas hasn't been any less special as a consequence.

PleasantVille · 02/10/2020 11:47

Spend what you feel happy with, it's no one else's business, there's no need to write a 3 page justification Grin

babyguffingtonstrikesagain · 02/10/2020 11:47

That's our budget every year 👍

Miseryl · 02/10/2020 11:48

People on Mumsnet love to boast about how little they spend on kids at Xmas, how they have mobiles from 1994 and so on. It always make me raise a wry smile.

OhTheRoses · 02/10/2020 11:49

What you are proposing is normal for us. I used to hold back on present buying until I knew what my mother had bought which was usually ludicrous. If they get stuff throughout the year there is no need to go mad.

Ours are grown up now and £100 for Xmas and birthdays is fine in their 20s.

OverTheRainbow88 · 02/10/2020 11:50

Sometimes less is more!

seayork2020 · 02/10/2020 11:50

A bit of a side issue but growing up i had a list I wanted my mum got off this list, my siblings had a list same for them.

my list cost my mum less than my siblings and I got what I wanted it didn't worry me she spent less on me than them because I got what I wanted

What I mean is what is this obsession (not saying in this thread) that kids have to have the same spent on them ? Isn't the present the main thing?

OhTheRoses · 02/10/2020 11:51

I don't quite understand your comment miseryl.

ShortColdandGrey · 02/10/2020 11:53

I am spending about £50 on my 4 year old this year. It would have been less but one she has asked for doesn't exist and the closes thing we can get is coming in at £30.

RedskyAtnight · 02/10/2020 11:54

£50 is a lot for a 4 year old. Especially if money is tight. Perhaps you just need to re-calibrate your ideas of what's reasonable?

If he already has everything he could want, I'd suggest focusing on things like books and craft items. You can buy an awful lot very cheaply and they won't go to waste). Also great bargains to be had with second hand items.

pollypork · 02/10/2020 11:54

I think it sounds fine. I don't go overboard & the dc are young but they get constant presents throughout the yr from gps, nieces/nephews as they are the only dc.

I'm currently clearing out a bag of toys for charity that have barely been used.

seayork2020 · 02/10/2020 11:55

@miseryl is there something I am missing, should we say we buy our kids Ferraris so they can keep up with their besties?

So every one spends alot?

We also have less presents so we can get through them quicker so we get to the beach before the crowds is that ok?

pollypork · 02/10/2020 11:56

I don't quite understand your comment miseryl.

Obviously we should spend thousands on our dc because we can afford it but we prefer to look like faux penny pinchers.

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