Not to spend a lot on Birthday and Christmas

[Mammylamb]

I feel pretty mean, but I’m not planning to spend a lot on DS4s birthday and Christmas: possibly about £50 on each for him. We are also planning to only spend about £20 on each other and per grandparent and Neice’s / nephews And a token gift for friends kids that we normally buy for (ie a toy or pjs in the sales for under a fiver)

During lockdown DS was spoiled by his grandparents sending gifts over all the time (trampoline which costs 100s, goalposts, basketball set, swing ball set and lots of other small toys), he also has a playroom absolutely full of toys, and I’m really not sure if there are many things that I could buy him, he Already has has a bike, scooter, skates, electric quad bike).

In addition to this we have had a number of things going wrong in the house and car and unexpected various expenses, totalling about £2k. This has made a significant dent in our savings, so I’m loathe to buy my son loads of stuff that he doesn’t need (or actually really want) or spend lots of money on people Who don’t really want or need anything just for the sake of it. I’m absolutely not getting into any debt.

While I know that this is all very sensible, I still have the feeling that we are being “mean”, these days people seem to spend an awful lot on Christmas and birthdays.

We have a decent sized house and have ok salaries. I suppose if we didn’t have such a big house and expenses with it, we could afford more, but ultimately we love the house, and it will be an investment when we’re older and looking to downsize (once the mortgage is paid off we could sell it and buy 2 or 3 flats).

So, aibu?

Yabu: dip into savings and spend decent money on Christmas/birthdays

Yanbu: don’t spend a fortune on just one day

@Beechview yip, he’s already got a big box of Lego. Rarely plays with it though! Occasionally he’ll bring it out for family game (15 minutes every evening we have a family game which is usually a board game, but sometimes it is something random like Lego or bouncing a ball to each other)

@User0ne. Yes, I remember desperately needing new boots a month before my 16th birthday as my old ones were wrecked. But my mum was shouting at me that I would get them for my birthday. I remember being annoyed as my brother seemed to always get clothes and stuff when he needed them. In the end she threw the money at me, but gave me less than normal on my birthday. I should point out that they were standard boots for school etx: nothing fancy. I think looking back that my mum was very difficult to live with at that age: perhaps it was problems in my parents marriage or they were having money issues.

Anyway, I don’t tend to wait until birthdays / Christmas to get him things that he needs: I buy them through the year when he needs them

My other half gets £50 spent and my family get £30 each. I too am agast at the amount of money spent on presents

We have 3 DCs and we spend £50-£60 on birthdays and no more than £100 at xmas. We can’t afford much more as 2 are twins and their birthday is the end of November so all falls at a terrible time!

Ah yes. DS is a November birthday as is my mum.

Then In December FIL, SIL, 2 Neice’s and one nephew All have the cheek to have birthdays

I think that’s part of it OP- my DC is a summer birthday so get everything for birthday or Christmas. I wouldn’t buy a bike/scooter/large toys etc between the two and while I might buy every day clothes when needed I tend to give shoes/coats/peppa pig wellies etc in larger sizes for Christmas/birthday. So I think across the year it probably evens out o just spend more at the event times IYSWIM.

I think £50 is plenty. You will be able to get a large pile of presents for that. I also think smaller children can sometimes get overwhelmed if the pile of presents is enormous, so cutting back may actually make it more enjoyable for him.
The only thing I would say is that if you are going to spend less than you usually do on family/friends' children etc make sure that they know in advance if you have the arrangement whereby you each spend the save amount of money on each other. Because you friend may be disappointed if she buys DS a £15 present, as she usually does, and her DC gets a £5 one in return. If they know in advance, they can do the same if they want to.

He's 4 wrap up something he hasn't played with for a few months he won't care as long as he has something to open and lots of attention from you.

I have plenty of money....My children get 4 gifts for Chistmas. Want,Wear,Need,Read...Grandparents have always been restricted to 1 gift per child on Christmas and 1 gift on birthdays. No other presents are allowed.

@Leeds2. Good idea re mentioning to the other parents! I’ve mentioned to my mum that we’re cutting back and she understands: she doesn’t need or particularly want anything these days : and husbands parents are very likely to be the same!

@Napqueen1234. I think if it was a summer birthday it would be different, but because Christmas and birthday are so close, we end up buying gifts for him all year round. His grandparents have also spoiled him this year throughout the year with toys and also a jacket and shoes for starting school. He’s really not a deprived child: it’s just that it seems wasteful to buy loads of tat because it’s Christmas

At 4, he won't care how much is spent on him, he will only care that the gift.is something he likes

The cardboard playhouses mentioned by a PP sounds like the sort of thing a 4 year old could have endless fun with

"Want,Wear,Need,Read...Grandparents have always been restricted to 1 gift per child on Christmas and 1 gift on birthdays. No other presents are allowed." From PP.
Does anyone else have experience of telling GPs etc one present per child and getting them to agree?

YANBU at all and should feel no guilt or that you are mean. Even if you had not had the unexpected expenditure you have had.

My dcs are 15+ now so prefer money anyway, but when they were small we didn't go mad for Christmas and birthdays. All their Birthdays are in December so had a lot of stuff in a short space of time from grandparents etc anyway.

It meant we could spread out the surprises, by saying yes to the soft toy they wanted in the gift shop on a day out or whatever.

Agree with Tweet. There's really no need to spend much especially at that age. Better to put money aside for them in their own savings accounts? They'll thank you once they're older.

We don’t spend a lot on DC I don’t think. Christmas is about £100 each and birthdays £30-50. Nieces and nephews £20. Kids have too much ‘stuff’ as it is.

I think you are being reasonable. We used to spend loads on siblings and parents but we are all grown up now and do a secret Santa with a maximum of £50, everyone makes a wishlist and gets what they want.

My partners family on the other hand aren't keen on that idea so I won't be spending much on each of them as I am about to go on maternity leave and have been made redundant so money will be tight. Like you, I have a car to fix or possibly replace.

Also children don't really know the value of things I think they prefer to see volume so you could get loads of cheap bits.