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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not to spend a lot on Birthday and Christmas

68 replies

Mammylamb · 02/10/2020 10:48

I feel pretty mean, but I’m not planning to spend a lot on DS4s birthday and Christmas: possibly about £50 on each for him. We are also planning to only spend about £20 on each other and per grandparent and Neice’s / nephews And a token gift for friends kids that we normally buy for (ie a toy or pjs in the sales for under a fiver)

During lockdown DS was spoiled by his grandparents sending gifts over all the time (trampoline which costs 100s, goalposts, basketball set, swing ball set and lots of other small toys), he also has a playroom absolutely full of toys, and I’m really not sure if there are many things that I could buy him, he Already has has a bike, scooter, skates, electric quad bike).

In addition to this we have had a number of things going wrong in the house and car and unexpected various expenses, totalling about £2k. This has made a significant dent in our savings, so I’m loathe to buy my son loads of stuff that he doesn’t need (or actually really want) or spend lots of money on people Who don’t really want or need anything just for the sake of it. I’m absolutely not getting into any debt.

While I know that this is all very sensible, I still have the feeling that we are being “mean”, these days people seem to spend an awful lot on Christmas and birthdays.

We have a decent sized house and have ok salaries. I suppose if we didn’t have such a big house and expenses with it, we could afford more, but ultimately we love the house, and it will be an investment when we’re older and looking to downsize (once the mortgage is paid off we could sell it and buy 2 or 3 flats).

So, aibu?

Yabu: dip into savings and spend decent money on Christmas/birthdays

Yanbu: don’t spend a fortune on just one day

OP posts:
RedskyAtnight · 02/10/2020 11:57

@OhTheRoses

I don't quite understand your comment miseryl.
I think miseryl thinks that parents who think £50 is plenty for a 4 year old are just going to give them a worthy book and an orange.

Rather than realising that the amount of money you spend on your children does not equate to love or value.

4 year olds like cheap things. They don't care if items are 2nd hand. It's perfectly possible to get a 4 year old a fantastic selection of presents for £50. This is nothing to do with competitive misery.

IsoBordem · 02/10/2020 11:57

Yanbu! It makes no sense to spend more then you are comfortable with. I’m sure you will be able to buy some great items with that budget that you ds will appreciate. Dipping into your savings when you don’t really want to might just cause you stress and anxiety.

Enjoy his birthday and Christmas!

Fedupoftheworld · 02/10/2020 12:18

YANBU. I’m doing the same this year. One joint present (to get them out of the house more) and then one big present each (that they actually want and would use) and 3/4 little things. I’m sick of spending a fortune for it to just sit there.

Napqueen1234 · 02/10/2020 12:26

YANBU spend what you need to! FWIW I always plan on spending little but things mount up so quickly. This year DD has asked for a puppet show and ana and Elsa dolls. That’s £40 already + I always get her a couple of books, some clothes and a little stocking of bits. Before you know it’s it’s £100. We have the money so it’s ok and I have a rule never to buy tat so it’s all stuff that’s used/worn. To bulk it why not get some new shoes/clothes in needed (maybe jazzier ones that he will enjoy opening!)

Original poster
Mammylamb · 02/10/2020 12:44

@RedskyAtnight. He had loads of books and craft stuff already. I think part of the issue is that he already just has too much stuff

He’s not really asked for much: just every time he sees something hotwheels related he asks for it. But I explain that Santa can only get a few presents per child and will take his list and make a few presents for him.

OP posts:
Dee1975 · 02/10/2020 12:45

I wouldn’t dip into savings. Not with a massive recession around the corner ..!
Spend what you can afford.

Original poster
Mammylamb · 02/10/2020 12:48

@Napqueen1234 yes, I could get clothes too for him. But that doesn’t really feel like a gift, more like what I would buy normally.

When I was a kid Christmas was a massive deal. We were completely skint as a family but my parents spent hundreds on us every year (dad working Christmas Day To pay for it, or getting into debt). But they had no assets (we lived in a council flat) and were always struggling to buy stuff for themselves. I suppose we didn’t get as much money spent throughout the year though as my son does (lots of days out and activities)

OP posts:
OhTheRoses · 02/10/2020 12:49

4 year olds don't need 100's spent on them if they have their needs met throughout the year which it sounds is the case for the OP's ds.

Napqueen1234 · 02/10/2020 12:59

I know what you mean OP but I always for clothes etc for Christmas and I think it’s a good habit to get into. A reminder that we don’t just get extravagant things! Maybe you could ask if he wants a ‘dinosaur jumper’ or ‘rocket ship shoes’ —especially if you’ve seen those in the shops—

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 02/10/2020 13:12

I’m spending less this year- last Xmas I felt we had too much and my daughter was bored opening them by the end. Her birthday this year I did less - think she got 5 items from us (colouring book, a book, a dress, etc) knowing people would buy her lots and it worked brilliantly.

Miseryl · 02/10/2020 13:16

My post just means that in wider society people generally make materialistic boasts about how much their newest iPhone cost/how many presents they have bought their kids etc. However, in Mumsnet world the opposite is true, people boastfully post how little they spend or what old technology they have etc.

I'm not making a judgement about either extreme, people can spend what they want, I'm not bothered. It's simply an amusing Mumsnetism.

laudete · 02/10/2020 13:18

He's 4. He'd probably be over the moon with a giant cardboard box full of balloons that he can stamp on and then use the box as a fort while eating a £2 selection box.

^This is quite true. If you can source enough large cardboard boxes, you could build and paint an entire pirate ship/fort/castle.

If that's too much work or cardboard is scarce, you could buy something like this cardboard playhouse: www.paperpod.co.uk/products/cardboard-play-house

Cardboard dens can be folded away for storage, if necessary. They're also easy to recycle later on when your child loses interest.

DelurkingAJ · 02/10/2020 13:22

With the clothing...that’s a good chunk of what goes into our stockings...so character pants and PJs, where normally DSs would just get plain ones.

I don’t have an amount and just buy appropriate presents (younger DS sometimes gets less spent on him but it’ll even out over time). We’re lucky that we can do that but if you have a budget then there’s no shame in sticking to it and at 4 he’ll neither know nor care.

CactusForever · 02/10/2020 13:28

YANBU, our budget is usually £60, though I expanded it a bit this year because Xmas activities are off.

Original poster
Mammylamb · 02/10/2020 13:29

I think part of my issue is that last year we got him loads: but there are still toys he doesn’t play with. He’s at school now so less time at home to play with them. He sticks to the one lot of toys most of the time (playing with hotwheels sets and also pretending to be a teacher with his toy blackboard are his favourite past times just now)

Last year he had what looked to be a mountain of toys: I don’t want him to be disappointed with a smaller pile this year: but feel as though I would just be throwing unnecessary money away on stuff that won’t be used. we had a lot more spare money at Christmas last year (paid overtime). I had also forgotten that we spent a small fortune at the beginning of the year on redecorating the playroom and lounge, so that also made a massive dent in savings, and then the other £2k of various expenses that have cropped up later this year, has not helped.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mammylamb · 02/10/2020 13:30

@Napqueen1234 yeah, maybe let him
Point out some stuff he fancies to get an idea. And maybe make the stocking up with new pjs and pants, socks etc.

OP posts:
Aroundtheworldin80moves · 02/10/2020 13:34

We only buy a couple of presents and some books plus stocking. It's got more expensive as they've got older, but we don't it for the sake of buying. (One year DD2s main present cost £12!) I admit the stocking stuff adds up, but it's mostly functional stuff, just themed or more decorative.

Buy what you can afford and that will be appreciated.

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 02/10/2020 13:36

Also, if children get presents from other people not just parents, it adds up quickly.

Camomila · 02/10/2020 13:59

4 year olds like cheap things

Someone tell that to my DS1. Grin The Smyths catalogue came through the door and he has fallen in love with £149 lego freight train. Luckily it says '6+' on it, and Father Christmas wouldn't buy toys that are too difficult for him.

Does he have any lego yet? A big box is less than £30.

Beechview · 02/10/2020 14:34

£50 is fine. That’s the amount I spend. When ds was younger, it bought Lego, some toy cars, some arts stuff, a couple of books, some chocolates/sweets. He was more than happy

Runnerduck34 · 02/10/2020 14:37

I understand where you are coming from and if he has everything he needs and you can do his xmas presents for £50 then do so, he is 4 and has no concept of money but at that age I do think they get excited with a full xmas stocking at the end if the bed and a number of presents under the tree which can be hard to do for £50 when one decentish toy can easily cost £30.
I agree with pp that it gets more expensive as they get older, and tbh I would have loved to have parents or siblings that spoilt my DC, it takes pressure off parents. If the only presents they get are from you it does is more difficult to cut back.

Runnerduck34 · 02/10/2020 14:38

I understand where you are coming from and if he has everything he needs and you can do his xmas presents for £50 then do so, he is 4 and has no concept of money but at that age I do think they get excited with a full xmas stocking at the end if the bed and a number of presents under the tree which can be hard to do for £50 when one decentish toy can easily cost £30.
I agree with pp that it gets more expensive as they get older, and tbh I would have loved to have parents or siblings that spoilt my DC, it takes pressure off parents. If the only presents they get are from you it does is more difficult to cut back.

Sceptre86 · 02/10/2020 15:16

£50 can stretch very far for a 4 year old. You can get 2 for £20 toys at b& m and similar at argos. Argos clearance also had lots of toys at reasonable prices. I like the tts website and baker Ross for craft type stuff. The bookpeople website and the works are great for books.

We celebrate eid instead and this year the budget was £150 each for the kids as it was in lockdown but last year we spent £50 each due to budget. I do tend to go all out but then aside from their own birthdays our two children do not get toys throughout the year. There is no shame in spending £50 on a child, in these uncertain times you are better off having a healthy savings pot which ultimately benefits your ds anyway.

yoyo1234 · 02/10/2020 15:33

Up to the end of primary school we spent probably £50-100 for Christmas and Birthday gifts for DC. At secondary probably £100-150.

User0ne · 02/10/2020 15:40

We budget £35 per child (age 2 and 4) for birthdays and Christmas for the main present. They'll both get some chocolate coins too.

My 4 year old reeled off a list of things he wants for Christmas and I told him that he'd only get 1 or 2 presents because that's what we can afford and that we'd have to cut back other things (like the holiday he really enjoyed) if we spent more. He was fine with that as an explanation for how much we would buy/spend.

They want for nothing. Bigger items (like bikes) are bought when they need the bigger size. I wouldn't give socks/essential items as a present to a child - they aren't really a gift are they.

I do remember my mum spending hundreds on me and my brother's growing up. Every January to March things were ludicrously tight as a result (not enough for bills and food). She would still spend it even when we were older and expressly said we'd rather get less and not be skint. I also remember being made to wait for birthdays/Christmas for badly needed essential items like shoes (because they had holes in). I don't want to do that to my children; it wasn't magical, it was f'ing awful.