Losing the plot with oh's alarm

[chanme]

OH wakes up so early for work. He sets his alarm for 15 mins before he needs to wake up then snoozes it about 3 times. He puts it at bottom of bed so he has to get up to turn it off which means it goes off for so long and it is the most annoying thing ever. Also it wakes the kids earlier than i want them to be up tbh.

How do i handle this without being a cow?

I dont see how it can get better unless i ask can you turn volume down and get up after the first alarm. Which seems mean as you cant control how you act when half asleep haha

Do i just need to deal with it

No help for you here but sympathising, if my OH stays at mine on weeknights he sets alarm for 4.30, he snoozes a couple of times, gets up, puts the big light on, no warning, opening doors loudly, using the bathroom loudly, all whilst humming and singing, slams the front door when leaving and leaves all the lights on! Bloody nightmare he is

@2me2u2u2me What a selfish git your OH is! 😠 If I had a partner who behaved that way he wouldn't be welcome to stay the night at mine, and to be honest he probably wouldn't be my OH at all!

OP why can’t you talk to him about this?

And what do you say you’ll be a “cow” if you say something?

He’s being a selfish twit by disturbing his family, and the fact he doesn’t see this is quite bizarre.

@Purplewithred yep agree. He very rarely stays in the week now (for that reason) and we're moving in together soon so will be getting up at the same time, thank god!

@CandidaAlbicans2 totally agree, he's a selfish knob in that way, he's deaf in one ear so doesn't realise he's so loud, I've had words hence he doesn't stay over in the week now. Would say he's really great in most others ways so I can live with that

Mine sets his clock 20 minutes fast rather than the right time and set his alarm earlier. Why? Just why?

I’ve seen it mentioned once but could he sleep wearing a Fitbit? The watch vibrates and that wakes you up instead of the alarm sound. A silent way of waking.

Another vote for trying a Lumie (they have cheaper models now, which are fine) - I much prefer the slow waking because it's getting light to an alarm jolting me awake, and it's not snoozable (and if you want to ignore it, you could wear an eyemask), and it won't wake the kids because it's not in their room

Don't wait until xmas to buy a fitbit if you are in a position to buy it now, make it an early present. You will get so much benefit from him having it between now and Christmas.

If you have to set an alarm a vibration is a much gentler way of waking up. He can still set alarms 5 mins apart if he needs them but you won't be disturbed.

DH used to have a Lumie. It woke me up, so he stopped using it.

My DD does this, it's like a bloody nuclear siren going off and she snoozes about 300 times. I might get a natural waking up one for her.

I know many people, mainly men, who get up early than their partner yet go to bed at the same time. Perhaps they should be getting their arses out of bed and putting it to good use rather than complaining that their daily lie in has been disturbed.

Thanks, I will make sure I will now wake the entire family every time I need to leave at 4AM! Lazy people, they should do something useful instead of this lie in.

I had an ex who did this.
He'd set his alarm and snooze it for about an hour and a half. It was bloody loud and he'd thrash about trying to slam it off. Once he got up to run a bath and then went back to bed and only woke up with me screaming the water was running down the stairs. Then, when he actually got up he'd hum to himself as he banged all the wardrobe doors and drawer getting his clothes out. Then he'd - somehow - manage to throw himself down onto the bed whilst putting each. item. of. clothing on. So stand up to put one sock on, bounce onto the bed, lurch to collect next sock, stand up and BOUNCE down to put on the other one. Frequently leaving skidders on the edge of the mattress such was the force of bouncing.

I have never been gladder to not have to live with someone

That's awful!

My DH has to be up at 4.30am & the second his alarm beeps he silences it & gets up. He gets dressed in the hall & uses the bathroom downstairs for washing/teeth etc so he doesn't disturb anyone else. My alarm goes off at 7am & I often don't hear him at all.

Could you not point out how stressful you find it?

What time does he have to get up compared to you?

Get him a watch with a vibrating alarm. That's what DH uses.

When DS lived here his alarm would drive me dotty. He could just sleep through it.

We shared a cabin one night crossing Irish Sea, and I was ripped from sleep by a horrendous noise..His alarm on his phone at 5:15 am...he was dead to the world and it must have woken the people in cabins each side, too.

It was a ''snooze''... ghastly.

so what does he say when you tell him how difficult this is for you?

@TastelessBracelets

Then, when he actually got up he'd hum to himself as he banged all the wardrobe doors and drawer getting his clothes out. Then he'd - somehow - manage to throw himself down onto the bed whilst putting each. item. of. clothing on. So stand up to put one sock on, bounce onto the bed, lurch to collect next sock, stand up and BOUNCE down to put on the other one. Frequently leaving skidders on the edge of the mattress such was the force of bouncing.

I think he lives with me now

I’m the one with more than one alarm because I need to come round a bit and I love the thought of ‘another hand hour’ however it will be one alarm not 3 or more. I use my fitbit mostly and creep about like a mouse. DH need one alarm but is loud and disruptive. He stomps about like a baby elephant and goes for his shower, the fan cones on the the bathroom and he feels the need to him some tubeless nonsense. Then it’s the electric toothbrush noise. Then he turns on the light and sits on the edge of the bed putting pants and socks on which makes the mattress move. Sprays deodorant, takes his medication.... I do all of that in a different room ffs!

It's selfish, but its probably not deliberate. You need to sleep in separate rooms if he can't physically find a way to get up after the first alarm! That's what we do

I’m getting very pissed off with morning behaviour from my DP. Unacceptably loud alarms are just the start of it.

I’m on maternity leave with an exclusively breastfed 8 week old. DP has never had to get up on the night with him. He generally sleeps through any wakings. So he’s been enjoying full nights of sleep. I (obviously) have not.

He sets his alarm and it is absurdly loud. It wakes me and the baby every time. Often I’ve only just managed to get him back to sleep. He gets up and then opens all the blinds in the room so it’s not dark any more. It’s like he’s decided his day has started so everyone’s must - however little sleep I’ve had.

He’ll complain if the baby has gone back to sleep and I don’t want to wake him up to come down and entertain him eat breakfast with him.

Today I’m especially pissed off with him. DS2 has early morning swim training. The pool is within walking distance of the house (5 minutes walk). I have to leave at 5.20 to get him there for 5.25 to be in the pool at 5.30. Then I have to pick him back up at 7am.

DP will not help with this. He thinks I should make 11 year old DS walk alone in the dark at 5am. He also won’t help me by looking after baby DS3 while I take DS2.

This morning DS3 was asleep at 5.10 when my alarm went off. Quietly I should note. It did not disturb either DP or the sleeping baby. I asked DP to just sleep near DS3 and he’d stay asleep while I went out in the cold. DP was annoyed at being slightly woken up and having to look after a sleeping baby - who stayed asleep the whole time I was out. DP just had to reach over and put a hand on his chest if he stirred.

When it got to 6.45 and my alarm went off again (quietly) the baby had just finished feeding and gone back to sleep. But DP insisted I take him with me (waking him in the process) because apparently he can’t sleep properly if he’s got to be responsible for his son 🙄.

He got up at 7.30 - doing his loud alarm, opening blinds and noisily drying his bloody hair while talking the whole time thing. Miraculously the baby is just got back to sleep didn’t wake. But his father thought I should wake him to go downstairs for breakfast.

What makes this even more infuriating is that last night he was whinging that I won’t express so he can feed the baby. Not to give me a break (not that it would, as if have to spend all that time expressing when I can more easily feed him myself) but because he wants to. He barely changes nappies, hasn’t bathed DS3 more than 5 times in his life and won’t even look after him when I have swim runs to do. But I should put myself out so he can piss about with a bottle when he feels like it?

We will be having words this evening. I don’t care what he’s got on at work frankly (his reason it’s unacceptable for me to wake him or ask him to look after his son). He can stop waking us up when he gets up for work and accept that being asked to be responsible for his (sleeping) baby between 5.25-5.35 and 6.55-7.05 once a week is not an onerous demand.

Mochudubh Does he still eat with his mouth open as well? chomo chomp chomp...

@2me2u2u2me

No help for you here but sympathising, if my OH stays at mine on weeknights he sets alarm for 4.30, he snoozes a couple of times, gets up, puts the big light on, no warning, opening doors loudly, using the bathroom loudly, all whilst humming and singing, slams the front door when leaving and leaves all the lights on! Bloody nightmare he is.

My brother stayed over a while ago and when I went downstairs at 7 he was in the kitchen having coffee, I said god I never heard you get up, he'd had a shower too, I said nothing like my OH, he said yeah, I heard all that hahah

So why put up with it? in your house??

[quote 2me2u2u2me]@Purplewithred yep agree. He very rarely stays in the week now (for that reason) and we're moving in together soon so will be getting up at the same time, thank god![/quote]
But what will happen if your circumstances change?

Is he selfish and thoughtless in other ways too?

@WooMaWang

I’m getting very pissed off with morning behaviour from my DP. Unacceptably loud alarms are just the start of it.

I’m on maternity leave with an exclusively breastfed 8 week old. DP has never had to get up on the night with him. He generally sleeps through any wakings. So he’s been enjoying full nights of sleep. I (obviously) have not.

He sets his alarm and it is absurdly loud. It wakes me and the baby every time. Often I’ve only just managed to get him back to sleep. He gets up and then opens all the blinds in the room so it’s not dark any more. It’s like he’s decided his day has started so everyone’s must - however little sleep I’ve had.

He’ll complain if the baby has gone back to sleep and I don’t want to wake him up to come down and entertain him eat breakfast with him.

Today I’m especially pissed off with him. DS2 has early morning swim training. The pool is within walking distance of the house (5 minutes walk). I have to leave at 5.20 to get him there for 5.25 to be in the pool at 5.30. Then I have to pick him back up at 7am.

DP will not help with this. He thinks I should make 11 year old DS walk alone in the dark at 5am. He also won’t help me by looking after baby DS3 while I take DS2.

This morning DS3 was asleep at 5.10 when my alarm went off. Quietly I should note. It did not disturb either DP or the sleeping baby. I asked DP to just sleep near DS3 and he’d stay asleep while I went out in the cold. DP was annoyed at being slightly woken up and having to look after a sleeping baby - who stayed asleep the whole time I was out. DP just had to reach over and put a hand on his chest if he stirred.

When it got to 6.45 and my alarm went off again (quietly) the baby had just finished feeding and gone back to sleep. But DP insisted I take him with me (waking him in the process) because apparently he can’t sleep properly if he’s got to be responsible for his son 🙄.

He got up at 7.30 - doing his loud alarm, opening blinds and noisily drying his bloody hair while talking the whole time thing. Miraculously the baby is just got back to sleep didn’t wake. But his father thought I should wake him to go downstairs for breakfast.

What makes this even more infuriating is that last night he was whinging that I won’t express so he can feed the baby. Not to give me a break (not that it would, as if have to spend all that time expressing when I can more easily feed him myself) but because he wants to. He barely changes nappies, hasn’t bathed DS3 more than 5 times in his life and won’t even look after him when I have swim runs to do. But I should put myself out so he can piss about with a bottle when he feels like it?

We will be having words this evening. I don’t care what he’s got on at work frankly (his reason it’s unacceptable for me to wake him or ask him to look after his son). He can stop waking us up when he gets up for work and accept that being asked to be responsible for his (sleeping) baby between 5.25-5.35 and 6.55-7.05 once a week is not an onerous demand.

Is this new or has he always been this selfish?

What difference will 'having words' make to someone like that?

[quote chanme]@Ednafrommooneyponds omg this is genius! Thats his xmas pres sorted! Vibrating fitbit!

Why didnt i think of that[/quote]
It doesn't have to be a Fitbit, there are cheaper brands that are just as good.

I use one, the vibrating alarm is fabulous. I'm partly deaf, and have lost count of the times I've been shaken awake, either by Ex or the DC, because I haven't heard the alarm. I've never slept through the vibrating alarm in the year I've been using it.