Wtf do you feed your DC?!

[toiletpaper]

My kids, especially DS barely likes anything and I'm getting really fed up of cooking two or three different meals each evening now. And twice a day on weekends. DD is pretty good but not always. This week for example I've made pasta bake, spag bol and tonight DD fancied burgers. DS doesn't like burgers but he noticed there was bacon in the fridge and said he'd tried that before at his grandparents and liked it. So myself and DD had the burgers in rolls with chips and DS had a bacon roll with chips. However he decided he doesn't actually like this bacon so the dog had it and he ate the roll. He didn't like the pasta bake last night and neither did DD so it's pasta bake 4 times over 3 days for me atm. The only thing he likes that I make is spag bol. Otherwise, the only thing he eats is his 'usual' which is waffles, heinz spag bol and cucumber.

He's been better at trying things lately which I'm thrilled and keep giving him positivity on but he just doesn't like anything I give him and I'm so so fed up of making three different meals every single day and it means I can't make anything remotely nutritious or from scratch as I just can't be bothered once I've done everyone else's food (it's just me and the two DC).

So please give me ideas on kid friendly stuff to make. I don't want to hear 'tell them eat it or they won't get anything else' as this doesn't work as they won't eat what they don't like and I can't leave them go to bed hungry.

Thank you!

We've always done eat or starve. So they eat what we eat.

I'm not a witch, I'll make allowances for genuine dislike. Ds doesn't like mash so he'll have a few new potatoes put into the pan which I'll mix with butter or if I'm making meatballs and one wants a burger then fine. I'll squish it down and put a few wedges into the oven for example. But fussiness isn't pandered to.

Just put the meals out and let them pick round what's there. You'll be surprised at what they end up putting away.

Pasta made with veggies, soft cheese, any added protein like prawns or chopped up sausage
Risotto, mainly bacon and peas or prawns
Quorn chilli
Mild curries (chicken, sweet potato)
Freezer stuff eg quorn sausages, quorn sausage rolls, fish fingers, quorn nuggets, plus a load of frozen veg on the side (peas/carrots/broccoli)
Spinach omelettes

When mine were little money was tight, so I couldn't afford them to suddenly decide they wanted something else that was in the fridge, because chances were that was all there was for tomorrow's dinner. We got round it by letting them help themselves and not fussing about how much they ate or didn't eat. Fortunately, ds quite liked boiled spuds which we served with a lot of our meals so he didn't have to go to bed hungry.

We tried not to stress about food, and not to force them to eat something they disliked, but I think it is worth letting children learn from the start that there is a difference between food you really dislike/which makes you uncomfortable and food that simply doesn't happen to be what you fancy.

Thank you all for your amazing replies! DS is 10 and DD is 7. I'm quite sure he's on the spectrum - he has all the traits for aspergers but for reasons I've mentioned on previous threads I've not gone to the GP to start a diagnosis. I should have mentioned the ASD in my OP but I didn't expect to have any replies regarding the behavioural element. It's not even worth trying with the GP now, I tried to make an appointment for him to have possible ingrown toenails seen to last week and was told it's pretty much all phone appointments for now.

Great ideas with regards to meals you construct yourself and taking him shopping with me. I'll definitely do that next time I go and tomorrow when DC go to school I will get my notebook out and write down all these meal ideas.

We are currently bouncing between chicken on sticks (Tesco does a nice one), small pizzas, chicken pies (like Birds eye or Pukka pies), he likes think french fries, likes small roasted potatoes, likes rice and spaghetti, and loves the tortellini from Sainsuries (cheese or cheese and ham).

Once in a blue moon we have a proper roast or a curry.

Takeaway chicken balls and rice
Special treat take away pizza

ALWAYS must have veg, usually just green veg, peas, beans and broccoli.

Would welcome ideas.

It's me who says he always must eat it (not him). He is 10.

I am completely understanding of your problems. I have the fussiest 12 year old ever and over the years have tried everything to get him to eat but nothing worked. We've done the tantrums, the starving him (eat what I've given you or Starve!) The separate meals, the slow introduction with "safe foods" I used to hate the smug brigade of people who have good eaters who blame your parenting skills. I know it's not my patenting, I also have an 8 year old who will eat anything.
I have just found patience helps. He's got better with age. We are currently having a new kitchen fitted and extension and have one hob, one little oven and washing dishes in bath for 3 months. I've put my foot down and have made just one daily dinner for the 4 of us, no arguments. 8 year old eats everything. 12 year old has starred trying more. There is no fuss if he doesn't eat it, I'm just happy he's trying. He can make himself toast if he doesn't eat what I give him. It's slow progress but I do think he's trying more and slowly eating more. He begrudgingly admitted to liking my shepherd pie the other day. Massive step forward.

Many of the below DS2 (5) will literally gnash his teeth and wail at the thought of, but then absent mindedly eat when he's got over himself . He will frequently pile the vegetable element of a dish to one side, but whatever. DS1 (10) used to not like loads of stuff, but he's got a lot better recently.

Falafels (we had home made broad bean ones this evening. Amateur dramatics from DS2, but then I noticed he's eaten his
Home made pizza
Pancakes with leek and cheese sauce (DS2 surgically removes the leeks. Whatever)
Red lentil, cheese and tomato bake (amazingly, DS2 really loves this)
Toad in the hole
Burritos
Lasagne
Courgette fritters
Pasta with tomato & veg sauce
Their absolute favourite- home made deep fried onion rings. Made in desperation over lockdown when I'd promised them a trip to the chip shop and they were all closed, they now ask for them constantly

Our latest triumph: after years of flat out curry refusal, I took DS1 to a really good S. Indian vegetarian restaurant in London, and he absolutely loved it! Given that we live in the sticks, we bought a packet of dosa mix to make ourselves, and have perfected masala dosas with sambar!! Coconut chutney remains a challenge though....it's not easy to get fresh coconut down here.

Maybe stop pandering to his every whim. He gets the food he's given otherwise he goes hungry. He will soon learn to eat and stop being fussy. That's how I was brought up and didn't do me any harm.

It's not behavioural to dislike some foods. It is behavioural to dislike this many foods in this manner. Liking bacon before it's cooked and suddenly disliking it once it's cooked is behavioural, for example

My DS won't eat food he likes if its touched other food he doesn't like. I've always known it's behavioural but what do you do? As far as I can tell we either force him to eat it like some Victorian parent with threats of removal of privileges and no other foods until he eats it (if I'm honest I think it would be a standoff he would win) I don't make other food for him but as a pp said my ds is on the verge of being underweight I do like to make sure he won't refuse food if possible. Is this pandering? I'll it make him.worse?

Op my ds is 9 and sounds a lot like your 10 year old. I'd be interested to hear more about how you deal with it.

@OverTheRubicon I've never heard of Satter but a similar approach worked well for us. Always put something they'll eat even if it makes for some weird combinations, and let them leave it without comment on the understanding that they either don't comment on the food or say only nice things. Peas, sweetcorn, micro rice, noodles, bread are all quick things to serve alongside whatever else you make.

We have family history of extreme diet limitation so I was desperate not to let food be an issue. My advice is think wider than you'd imagine. My kids My DH grew up rejecting "what most kids eat" and still can't abide baked beans or chicken, but he likes stuff like venison sausages, game pie, anchovies, sardines, hot curry - all things you wouldn't typically offer a fussy child. Beans (not baked beans, just the ones in water) are a huge hit with my fussier child. He just loves the texture for some reason. So tear up the rule book, find some new recipes and new foods and put a bit on their plates with something you know they'll eat.

CoronaIsWatching

Maybe stop pandering to his every whim. He gets the food he's given otherwise he goes hungry. He will soon learn to eat and stop being fussy. That's how I was brought up and didn't do me any harm

fed up of this attitude. If it's behavioural then this might make him "behave" bit it won't solve the problem. It's like punishing without getting to the bottom of why the child is misbehaving.

I order the Gousto boxes, so we always eat fresh home cooked meals, that are yummy!

Examples:

1. Three cheese pasta bake
2. Portuguese Pork bifana sandwiches (like a spicy pork ciabatta burger) with cinnamon sweet potato wedges
3. Crispy baked tacos with pineapple salsa
4. From scratch pizza margarita with chilli oil
5. Spicy peanut chicken noodles
6. BBQ chicken fajitas
7. Chicken parmigiana
8. Coronation chicken naanwich with spiced potatoes
9. Pork and lemongrass burger with sweet chilli fries

From a truly committed fussy eater as a child the best way to deal with this is cook exactly what you want but always have at least one thing on the plate that you know fussy eater will eat. Don’t run yourself ragged cooking 2/3/4 meals, you’re not a restaurant. Dinner is dinner and anyone who doesn’t want it is welcome to decline but that’s all there is. There is something on their plate they do like so they won’t be hungry.

Always put something they'll eat even if it makes for some weird combinations, and let them leave it without comment on the understanding that they either don't comment on the food or say only nice things.

Absolutely this.

I have a fussy child too, it’s so difficult! But I’ve found that putting something they do like with the meal helps to persuade them to eat it. For example, she doesn’t like pasta bake but loves garlic bread. So I cook the garlic bread but tell her she can’t have any until she’s eaten at least half of her pasta bake.
Do the same with curries (hold back the poppadoms).
With pizza, I only give her a couple of slices of pizza with veg sticks (cucumber, pepper and carrot) and houmous and she’s only allowed more pizza when she’s eaten all her veg sticks.
Other things she will eat are: jacket potato, beans and cheese, tacos, ‘all day breakfasts‘ (mushrooms, tinned toms, scrambled egg, sausages, baked beans and toast - prob her fave meal).
I remember reassign somewhere - and this is always something I explain to her - that our tastebuds can take up to ten times to get used to a new food. So if she doesn’t like it first time she needs to try and try again. I also try and explain how important it is to eat healthy/eat at least five a day etc.

@Feelingconfused2020

It's not behavioural to dislike some foods. It is behavioural to dislike this many foods in this manner. Liking bacon before it's cooked and suddenly disliking it once it's cooked is behavioural, for example

My DS won't eat food he likes if its touched other food he doesn't like. I've always known it's behavioural but what do you do? As far as I can tell we either force him to eat it like some Victorian parent with threats of removal of privileges and no other foods until he eats it (if I'm honest I think it would be a standoff he would win) I don't make other food for him but as a pp said my ds is on the verge of being underweight I do like to make sure he won't refuse food if possible. Is this pandering? I'll it make him.worse?

Op my ds is 9 and sounds a lot like your 10 year old. I'd be interested to hear more about how you deal with it.

That's it, my two are slim however DD has trouble with bowels (bad constipation) and I fear they will end up underweight if they don't eat. I must say even though DS doesn't seem to like a lot of foods, he'll bloody eat loads of what he does like so I'm concerned about the amount he eats at all, just that it's the same stuff all the time.

A pp mentioned the bacon thing - it could be the case that it's non smoked he had at his grandparents, I have smoked here so this would actually make a lot of sense. I'll buy unsmoked next time and see if it's received any better!

Good point acknowledging the potential ASD as this is defo a factor.

I have one fussy one and one who is like a dog, hoovers up anything. The fussy one has ADHD and some sensory issues related to that.

Successful things we have tried over the years:

• Having a list of "5 disliked foods" that I promise not to serve up or expect him to try. He is allowed to change the list, but in order to change an item on the list, he must eat the item he's removing from it.

ASD sensory issues tend to be more severe than ADHD so 5 might be too small of a banned list, but I thought it would be too complicated to keep track otherwise.

• Discussing the concept of "green light foods" - things he loves and would choose to eat, "red light foods" - things he hates and would refuse to eat, and "amber light foods" which is a category most people have in between, foods that are not your absolute favourite, but you'll eat them either because you're hungry, to be polite, or as a vehicle for other foods etc (e.g. pasta is in my amber list, but a lot of pasta sauces are in my green list. You can't just eat sauce by itself because it wouldn't fill you up, so I eat pasta). Because I felt as though he was only seeing the green category and put all amber foods in the red category. He is also not especially motivated by hunger so won't eat enough.

• Teaching him to cook a few basic meals himself. He can either eat what is offered or make his own meal. This saves me from having to cook loads of different meals. He is 12 and can make pasta with jar sauce, ham or hot dog/cooked sausage and sweetcorn, instant noodles, frozen pizza/chicken nuggets and chips, beans on toast, toasted sandwich with salad type veg on the side.

• Allowing him to choose the proportions of what I serve, e.g. if I make sweet and sour chicken with rice and brocolli, he can have more rice, less of the other stuff. Or allowing him to have a small portion of whatever I've made, and snack on fruit/toast/yoghurt afterwards.

He will soon learn to eat and stop being fussy.

You’d think so, but doesn’t work for my DD. The less she eats, the less she wants to eat, and then it takes an awful lot of work to get her eating again.

Things my fussy DD will sometimes eat parts of are

Porridge with syrup/sugar
Tuna mayo jacket potato (she doesn’t like it with pasta and will only eat it separate from a sandwich)
Cottage pie
Spaghetti bolognaise
Roast dinners
Nanna dinners (meat, veg and gravy)
Non spicy curry with garlic naan
Burgers
Fish pie
Chicken wraps
Custard

She only eats tiny amounts but if I can get her to eat a good breakfast (like a small amount of porridge) she is much better at eating for the rest of the day usually.

Realised that I had forgotten to talk the mince out of the freezer to make bol sauce before I went to work. DS was supposed to be cooking and they had voted on that, so I apologised, and bunged a jar of sauce into a tin of mince beef and onion, both nicked from my Zombie Apocalypse cupboard.

It was declared that nicest spag bol they have ever had.....why do I bother?!

I should add that I do find that talking the mince out of the freezer makes it feel better about what will come after.... :o :o

Also, limited diets aren't necessarily a bad thing. If he is happy eating lots of the same thing, that can be fine. You would want to intervene if he's missing any major food groups such as fruit and veg, because of vitamin deficiencies etc but in extremis a multivitamin ought to help with that. Another reason to intervene would be if he was having too much of a certain ingredient such as if he's only eating instant noodles, that's probably too much salt/sodium, and you might want to ration them or encourage a switch to home made ramen or stir fries using plain egg noodles, for example.

We have also struggled with constipation here and I have explained that it is likely down to diet. I do try and make sure he has some fruit.

If he's on the spectrum then that definitely puts the issue in a different light. Sensory issues are a whole different ballgame from the "but I want to eat chicken nuggets every day like my friends do"-take of my youngest who very definitely did not have sensory issues.

Lots of brilliant suggestions by BertieBott.

What OrangeSplash listed, plus shepherds pie, and also bangers and mash with peas or carrots.

Mine also liked carrot and apple salad - grated carrot and apple, a squirt of lemon juice and honey, all mixed together.

They loved green pea soup with bacon crumbled in plus crusty bread for dipping.

Mac and cheese.

A dish made with spaghetti and a sauce made with a can of tuna in water, drained, an ounce of butter, fresh parsley, a tablespoon or two of olive oil, a few leaves of basil, s&p, all blended together to sauce consistency and tossed with the hot spaghetti. Parmesan on top...

Scrambled eggs on toast, omelettes, egg salad sandwiches and cauliflower cheese on the side.

If there is extreme diet restriction, actual weight concerns, suspected or diagnosed ASD or digestive issues then the whole "just don't pander and then they won't be fussy any more" tends not to work. Because this kind of food issue is not caused by "pandering" in the first place.