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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU

77 replies

Unreasonable2 · 30/09/2020 12:45

Hey everyone!

So just a quick thread to get some insight into whether I am being unreasonable and what you all would do in this situation..

So I have been in a relationship for 1 year 3 months.
He lives with his parents and i live with my daughter. Since lockdiwn began in February I havent been able to see him as his father has underlying health issues.
I have accepted that and although Boris' new rule allows 6 people to meet up, he still says he can't.
My AIBU moment is for his mums birthday last week they had his grandparents over, auntie and uncle and a few other family members.. i just want to see him but he has basically said he can't..
How am I any different to having a house full of relatives. Im working from home and take all necessary precautions and i just dont see how we are going to work if it is a case of "we can't see each other until it goes away" because how is that going to work?

OP posts:
Original poster
Unreasonable2 · 30/09/2020 12:47

Just to also update. He has a very busy job so we speak maybe once a day, message a little in the evening and maybe video call once a fortnight xx

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 30/09/2020 12:50

He's just not that into you, I think. Move on.

Swampshade · 30/09/2020 12:50

I'll be honest - I think this him trying to end the relationship and you not taking the hint. You'd been dating for six months when lockdown started and he hasn't seen you since then despite there being no logical reason not to see you... Sounds convenient, doesn't it? You've asked how you're different from his relatives, the difference is that he wants to see them and doesn't want to see you.

Florencex · 30/09/2020 12:50

YANBU. Sounds like it is more trouble than it is worth, does that 1yr 3 months include the last seven months when you haven’t seen him? It won’t be long before you have spent more time not seeing each other than you have seeing each other. I would put an end to it, he doesn’t seem to want to see you. I am sorry to be brutally honest but that would be my conclusion.

MatildaTheCat · 30/09/2020 12:51

Completely ridiculous situation. Does he never even leave the house?

If you haven’t seen him since February, unfortunately I’d struggle to call this a relationship. Whatever the real reason he’s demonstrated that shielding his DF isn’t the issue. And how Ill is this man to require such strict isolation? Has he also not met anyone or left the house?

Move on unless there’s a lot more information you haven’t shared.

Original poster
Unreasonable2 · 30/09/2020 12:54

See the above is exactly what i thought.
So poorly that apparently covid would almost 100% kill him.. but not that poorly to have relatives round.
I find it all a bit ridiculous, you can't have a relationship where you never see each other.
I broached the subject the other day and he said he would speak to his parents... which i don't think happened and when I have asked again he has re-hashed out that it isnt safe to do so 🙄
He barely leaves the house.. other than to buy his mums birthday cake etc the other day 🙄🙄

OP posts:
Notimeforaname · 30/09/2020 13:02

I also think it sounds like hes trying to end the relationship..or at least let it fizzle out .

Itsabeautifuldayheyhey · 30/09/2020 13:03

I broached the subject the other day and he said he would speak to his parents...
What? His family break the law/rules when they see fit and he is an adult who has to ask his parents if he can see you. Do you really want to be in a relationship with him?

Notimeforaname · 30/09/2020 13:04

Be the one to end it op.
Or at least tell him you're thinking of ending it as you cant stay apart any longer.
His reaction will show you if hes actually interested in staying together or not.

Original poster
Unreasonable2 · 30/09/2020 13:04

I feel the same but then he will tell me he loves me and misses me.. i just dont understand it

OP posts:
Original poster
Unreasonable2 · 30/09/2020 13:06

I know this will sound silly but how do i have that conversation?
I have never ended a relationship ever, im a softie and im scared of upsetting him?
My last relationship of 12 years was ended by my ex 🤷‍♀️

OP posts:
Notimeforaname · 30/09/2020 13:07

Yes I think maybe he wants you there as someone to text, to stoke his ego but not actually have to make an effort to see.

Perhaps we are all wrong and he has developed a lot of health anxiety and genuinely worries for his parents.

But I think you do need to have that talk, tell him you are ready to move on if you cant see each other.

Hahaha88 · 30/09/2020 13:09

I'm sorry but you're not in a relationship at all.

Notimeforaname · 30/09/2020 13:09

I would say, I cant go on not seeing you any more. I would like to move on and fimd someone I can spend time with.

Whilst I appreciate you are being careful for your parents I cannot go on in a relationship with no physical contact.

Notimeforaname · 30/09/2020 13:09

Find *

Original poster
Unreasonable2 · 30/09/2020 13:10

It just feels very frustrating.
I dont have any family locally and im working from home. My daughter is at school. Its lonely, I see my friends but I would like to spend some time with him. And his dads health is a valid excuse.. but not after they had a family tea less than a week ago for his mums birthday... when my birthday is in 6 days (06/10) and ill be spending it by myself because "he can't see me"

OP posts:
Notimeforaname · 30/09/2020 13:11

You've told him how you feel and hes attempted nothing to get you back seeing each other. Nothing.

Don't be afraid to finish it.

Original poster
Unreasonable2 · 30/09/2020 13:12

I agree. It doesn't feel like a relationship anymore.. xx

OP posts:
Hingeandbracket · 30/09/2020 13:12

YABVU to use a title of AIBU.

Original poster
Unreasonable2 · 30/09/2020 13:13

I even offered a socially distanced walk.. apparently he couldn't see me and not touch me 😔 so that didn't happen either xx

OP posts:
Notimeforaname · 30/09/2020 13:13

.. but not after they had a family tea less than a week ago for his mums birthday...when my birthday is in 6 days (06/10) and ill be spending it by myself because "he can't see me"

No op, you deserve better.
Has he even suggested socially distant walks together to chat?
Or have you literally not seen him since lockdown began?

Original poster
Unreasonable2 · 30/09/2020 13:14

@Hingeandbracket im sorry, that was an accident. I hit post before I had finished the title and I dont know how to change it xx

OP posts:
Original poster
Unreasonable2 · 30/09/2020 13:15

@Notimeforaname - I havent seen him since lockdown began in Feb.
I have offered soxially distanced walks/picnics etc

OP posts:
Notimeforaname · 30/09/2020 13:16

Ah cross post. Just saw your update...

OP just finish it. You dont need this. You dont see him at all anyway, so no point being in a phone relationship with him.

hypochondriacseveywhere · 30/09/2020 13:17

Just sending him a text saying this ain't working for you and end it.