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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU

77 replies

Unreasonable2 · 30/09/2020 12:45

Hey everyone!

So just a quick thread to get some insight into whether I am being unreasonable and what you all would do in this situation..

So I have been in a relationship for 1 year 3 months.
He lives with his parents and i live with my daughter. Since lockdiwn began in February I havent been able to see him as his father has underlying health issues.
I have accepted that and although Boris' new rule allows 6 people to meet up, he still says he can't.
My AIBU moment is for his mums birthday last week they had his grandparents over, auntie and uncle and a few other family members.. i just want to see him but he has basically said he can't..
How am I any different to having a house full of relatives. Im working from home and take all necessary precautions and i just dont see how we are going to work if it is a case of "we can't see each other until it goes away" because how is that going to work?

OP posts:
Original poster
Unreasonable2 · 30/09/2020 13:17

Thats how I feel. At first I understood the fear for his dad's health.. but how long can this go on? Its been 7/8 months.. maybe another 12+ until there is a vaccination.. i just cant go on any longer

OP posts:
hypochondriacseveywhere · 30/09/2020 13:17

Send*

Notimeforaname · 30/09/2020 13:18

No definitely end it op. Like he said he cant 'see you and not touch you' you tell him you cant be with him and not touch him or see him know person.

If you were together a long time or married and forced to stay away from each other I could understand but out of 15 months, you've seen him for 8....

Cheetahfajita · 30/09/2020 13:19

He's going to ask his parents? What is he, 17?

Video calling once a fortnight isn't a relationship.

Just tell him it's not working for you. If he wanted to see you he could. He's choosing not to. Sorry x

Notimeforaname · 30/09/2020 13:19

In person *

Notimeforaname · 30/09/2020 13:20

Just tell him it's not working for you. If he wanted to see you he could. He's choosing not to

I agree with this.

Original poster
Unreasonable2 · 30/09/2020 13:20

Exactly.
He went into voluntary lockdown before valentines day in Feb.
I havent seen him since.
In the last week he has had a family tea and been to a supermarket for a cake for mum...
Both of those are more risky than a socially distanced walk.

The reason its effecting my more today is today is my dads 1 year death anniversary.. he has acknowledged it and sent his love.. but im currently sat on my sofa, waiting for my daughter to finish school and he should be here.. he should want to he here with me 😔

OP posts:
Notimeforaname · 30/09/2020 13:21

I'm so sorry op, what a difficult day for you Flowers

Dreading2020sSeasonFinale · 30/09/2020 13:21

I agree with the others. Get out now while it's easier to do so. He wants a virtual girlfriend to stave off the boredom and stoke his ego.

If he's not been going out, is he WFH? Or is he working out of the house and it's only you he can't come in contact with?

You're an ego boost he's enjoying when it suits him.

Please just call it quits. It's early in the relationship (realistically it's more like a 6m relationship as lockdown barely counts)

And he's an adult who lives with his parents. Nothing attractive about that either.

Original poster
Unreasonable2 · 30/09/2020 13:21

I live 10 minutes away from him and 5 hours away from my family.. it kind of showed me he doesn't really care today

OP posts:
Keeva2017 · 30/09/2020 13:22

Oh god op he’s ending it. Please have the self respect and self worth not to chase him. Find someone that appreciates you.

bonjonbovi · 30/09/2020 13:22

What would happen if you stopped texting him - see if he bothers to get in touch with you.

Original poster
Unreasonable2 · 30/09/2020 13:22

he is WFH and has been since February xx

OP posts:
Notimeforaname · 30/09/2020 13:22

If he can go to a supermarket, surely he could see you from a couple metres away, as he understands you need support, especially today.

I wouldn't give him another minute of my thoughts...

Original poster
Unreasonable2 · 30/09/2020 13:23

I did stop. I didnt text him most of yesterday actually, and he messaged me about 7pm saying... thinking of you xx

OP posts:
Original poster
Unreasonable2 · 30/09/2020 13:25

thats what i thought.
A supermarket is more risky than seeing me surely

OP posts:
billy1966 · 30/09/2020 13:26

You are used OP.

I'm so sorry that you are feeling lonely but he is wasting your time.

Don't allow him to do that anymore.

Flowers
Notimeforaname · 30/09/2020 13:26

Leave it then op. Fight the urge to reply. If hes honestly interested in you he won't give up and would find a way to see you. Hes just choosing not to.
As a pp said above....end it and dont chase him. Hes doing nothing for you except texts and a bi monthly video call. Come on,this is not a relationship.

I think hes just happy for an ego boost and texts from you telling him you miss him. You could have so much more.

Florencex · 30/09/2020 13:27

@Unreasonable2

Exactly. He went into voluntary lockdown before valentines day in Feb. I havent seen him since. In the last week he has had a family tea and been to a supermarket for a cake for mum... Both of those are more risky than a socially distanced walk.

The reason its effecting my more today is today is my dads 1 year death anniversary.. he has acknowledged it and sent his love.. but im currently sat on my sofa, waiting for my daughter to finish school and he should be here.. he should want to he here with me 😔

Covid was barely on my radar in first half of February! I mean I knew it was happening in China but we were still in single figures here.

I don’t know why he is keeping you dangling, just for a bit of something t do when he is bored, but he doesn’t want a relationship with you. I would end it with a text message, well you will have to do it in an impersonal manner like that as he won’t see you! He doesn’t love you and he doesn’t miss you, if he did he would do something about it.

Original poster
Unreasonable2 · 30/09/2020 13:28

You are all right and have confirmed that what I was feeling was correct. Thank you

OP posts:
Notimeforaname · 30/09/2020 13:29

I would end it with a text message, well you will have to do it in an impersonal manner like that as he won’t see you! He doesn’t love you and he doesn’t miss you, if he did he would do something about it
Take this advice op. End it today or as soon as you can. You will feel relief.

MotherMood · 30/09/2020 13:30

He's weird. The whole thing is weird. Get rid of him!

Notimeforaname · 30/09/2020 13:30

And when you do, he may try to say all sorts of things to make you reconsider. Perhaps he'll tell you to hang on another few weeks and he will make an effort to see you.

Don't listen to this.

ChaChaCha2012 · 30/09/2020 13:32

Have you ended this before OP?

Florencex · 30/09/2020 13:37

@ChaChaCha2012

Have you ended this before OP?
It been discussed before.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3928960-Relationship-advice-needed-AIBU