DD has never mixed with another child :(

[youremywonderwall]

DD is 8 months old.

She was born just before lockdown.

I feel really sad that she’s never played or mixed in close contact with another baby her age.

I don’t have any friends that have children and her cousins are all much older than her (10+) and of course we’ve all been distancing.

I have a lovely group of antenatal friends but we all made the decision to distance our babies when we met up(which at the minute we can’t do as there are 8 of us)

We go to a regular baby music class so she gets to see other babies but she’s never actually gotten close.

I worry about how this might affect her immune system, not mixing and picking up bugs from other babies.

She’s registered at a nursery but won’t be staring until March 2021 when I go back to work.

How much is this going to affect her? :(

It won’t make any difference to her at this stage of her development.

Baby groups are primarily for the benefit of mothers/parents.

@Wondergirl100

if you want her to be with other children more could you start nursery early?

Unfortunately not. I’ve already had to extend my maternity leave by a month as the nursery we want cannot offer us a place until March.

I dont think it will affect her, up to the age of around 2.5 when you get groups of children together they mainly play on their own anyway.

If you've got any farms nearby it can help their immune system to visit.

I've seen studies that children who get more coughs and colds earlier on just get less later on (eg kids who dont go to nursery will get more illnesses at school) but they don't get a different number of illnesses overall.

I think not mixing at all may have a small affect on their immune system but this will be small compared to other factors combined such as being breast or bottle fed when they are young, eating a healthy diet when they are older, not being stressed, having a healthy BMI, genetic predisposition etc

Please don't worry!

I had similar worries when my ds was a baby, he has a kidney condition that caused several issues including chronic infections that needed antibiotics that gave him explosive d+v. He didn’t see other babies at all really, we barely made it out, had no family in the area and no friends who were parents. When I did attend a group (handful of times in 12 months) I couldn’t seem to get other mums to engage with me at all being the new mum there (and some of those attending were nannies who weren’t interested in making friends), so none of those groups exposed him to other babies really.

It didn’t prevent him making great friends later on though! He’s fine socially, despite that isolated first year. He’s got good friends at school, but plays with a number of his classmates on different days. His teacher says he’s got a brilliant sense of humour and can always get the rest of the class giggling (when appropriate obviously). So, I wouldn’t worry, OP. It is tough and not ideal, but your baby will be fine. I actually think it can be tougher on the mums, as a baby’s world centres around you as their parents, whereas for mums it takes away the image you had and hopes you had for what your child’s babyhood would be like - not to mention it can feel a bit lonely.

She is only eight months, that's not unusual. You go to a baby music class where there are other babies, which is good. Plenty don't see other little ones until much older. It is nothing to feel sad about.

My first one didn't meet any other babies until he was well over 8 months old, OP. We just had our little routine of home and walks to the shops etc. So he did meet lots of people (it was a nice neighbourhood with lots of familiar faces), but no other babies. We didn't start going to toddler groups until he was a toddler.

It was different with the others, who were around other babies and toddlers more or less from birth.

Please don't worry, @youremywonderwall - I'm sure your dd will be fine.

I had PND after each of my babies was born, and when ds1 was small, we moved house, so I was in a rented flat, and knew nobody. Added to the PND, this made me pretty much a hermit - I couldn't bring myself to go out much at all, and I didn't know any other parents locally, so ds1 didn't get to mix much with other children until he was about 12-18 months old (sorry, I can't remember exactly), when we'd moved into a house, and I gradually started getting to know people.

He grew up just fine - he made good friends at school and afterwards, had a great social life at university, gets on well with his colleagues, and has a lovely girlfriend.

You are doing a great job of bringing up a baby in very unusual and difficult circumstances - I am sure you are a wonderful mum and your dd will grow up happy, well adjusted, with lots of lovely friends.

[quote youremywonderwall]@022828MAN

Let her get close to other babies... If she was in a nursery she would be. What's the difference?

I can’t just put her next to other babies without parents consents!
I don’t have any friends with children expect my antenatal friends and non of them want their babies to mix, I have to respect that.

The other babies she sees are at our baby class where social distancing measures are in place![/quote]
None of the 8 want to meet ?

That’s a shame :(

Some mother and toddler are doing outdoor meets

Go to your local park. Sure there will be mums similar there

Interaction is good for you and your child

It's really fine. They pretty much take no notice of other children until closer to 2. I did do a baby class or two with mine, but there only interactions with other babies involved me pulling them off them as they tried to rip each other's faces off or shove each other over. 'Playdates' with other babies aren't fun. From about 2, it gets fun. Right now all they need are their parents and other special people in their lives.

Also, you will completely regret this wish for her to catch bugs from other babies to bolster her immune system come March! They are sick about 6 months of the year for the first couple years after they start nursery. It was pretty much November to May for us, constant colds and coughs, tummy bugs, then chickenpox, etc. Enjoy it now before it starts.

She's way way too young to take any notice of other babies in any meaningful way. It will be years before that's an issue. And the immunity she can build up in other ways than by mixing with babies. Relax, she'll be fine. I feel much more for people with toddlers and preschoolers over lockdown they're of an age to miss the interaction, an 8 month old really won't.

Don’t worry, it’s fine - what matters at this age is you

The only thing I would say is - my DS is older than your daughter but he started nursery late July having not seen any other children since the start of March. And he was ill pretty much constantly through July, August and the first half of September. Not seriously - I just mean with coughs, colds, tummy upsets etc. I hear from other parents that it’s absolutely normal for them to get ill a lot when they start nursery but I think it might have been more intense because he hadn’t really been exposed to anything for 4+ months. So just be prepared for that when she does start nursery!

You have my sympathy. It’s really hard. But your daughter will be just fine.

People will tell you this is fine but it's not. Prior to covid bollocks, a child not having contact with other children for the first 8 months of its life would have been considered a concern, but now because we're 'staying safe' the welfare and development of babies is no longer considered important.

I trained as a child psychologist and I can say categorically that contact with other children is important. Babies may not appear to notice or interact with other babies at that age but they do. They start to learn how to engage with others of their own age, how to interact and communicate, they observe other babies playing with toys. It's all part of the input and information that starts to shape their brain and understanding.

It's unlikely to cause your baby any long term damage but it's not as unimportant as other posters make it out to be. There is no way anyone would be telling you it was fine if it was something you chose to do, rather than something that imposed on you. The knock-on effect of restrictions on children is being totally ignored and downplayed. Next year there'll be endless hand-wringing articles about it, saying it wasn't foreseen, it's a terrible tragedy etc. It's so fucking predictable.

I think its a fairly recent thing TBH Some years ago children would be at home with DM and maybe not even attend Nursery.Often the same today as well for rural /Farming families, or those say in N America/Canada who live many miles from each other!. I would enjoy your precious time with Babe .Although groups are fun ,it can also be exhausting having to be somewhere at a certain time ,with babe /toys /milk /nappies and fitting in around her naps as well! As far as immunity goes if shes outside in the garden or playing with water she will be fine .I am an ex Nursery Nurse and think she will be fine at Nursery in the Spring ,so really Dont worry Be happy as Bob would say!

My first born didn’t ‘mix’ with another child for the first three years, I didn’t know anybody who had a baby or child, he was fine when he started preschool and now in year 2 he mixes everyday. Stop worrying over something that isn’t a problem.

People will tell you this is fine but it's not. Prior to covid bollocks, a child not having contact with other children for the first 8 months of its life would have been considered a concern, but now because we're 'staying safe' the welfare and development of babies is no longer considered important.

By whom would it be considered a concern?

8 month year old? No problem at all. I think lockdown is/was toughest for 2/3 year olds without siblings who need social contact with other kids but often havent yet been able to make friends out of school/playgroup etc.

@unmarkedbythat - in normal times, if a parent said to a health visitor that their baby had had no direct contact with another baby for the entire 8 months of their life, the hv would be concerned that the parent was depressed, or had debilitating anxiety or social problems. Part of the remit of SureStart centres is to ensure that both parents and babies are having social contact from a young age, that children are playing and interacting. Prior to covid, no one would have ever considered a baby having no contact with other babies to be of no concern at all - at the very least a parent would have been encouraged to try to allow their baby to interact with other babies. It surprises me that I have to explain this at all tbh - what has suddenly caused people to forget that human interaction is important???

Really, Carbuncle ? When I did a child development course some years ago I was taught that, as pps say, children under about two don't really interact in their play. They do 'parallel play'. Babies don't 'play' together, you can see that just from observation.

Or is that not what the experts think anymore?

I can see that babies need human interaction, but it doesn't have to be from other babies!

@Pemba

Really, Carbuncle ? When I did a child development course some years ago I was taught that, as pps say, children under about two don't really interact in their play. They do 'parallel play'. Babies don't 'play' together, you can see that just from observation.

Or is that not what the experts think anymore?

I can see that babies need human interaction, but it doesn't have to be from other babies!

They do tend to parallel play - and also grab things from each other! - but that's all part of the process of learning, it's not just a stage you can skip. Parallel play turns into co operative play over time, it's a matter of getting used to the other person, observing them, seeing how they do things, learning from them, developing skills like sharing. Interacting with other babies is a lot different to interacting with adults or older children, babies very much register the difference, even when they're tiny and their approach to other babies is very different than their approach to adults. If nothing else, interacting with other babies is part of the richness and variety of their engagement with the world and not doing it takes something from them. Again, I find it odd that this has to be explained - I can't imagine this being a matter of debate in a pre-covid world!

Not at all. She will be completely fine. Baby social things are entirely for the parents' benefit not the child's.

Another voice saying it’s fine. All babies need at that age is a loving, sufficiently attentive, primary care giver. I was lucky enough to have my D.C. pre COVID so did lots of baby groups but that was definitely more for my benefit than for my D.C

My little niece is the same, born at the start of lockdown and been at home with just mum and dad for months. We met her recently (before the latest round of restrictions) and she seemed to find meeting new people totally overwhelming. Wee pet!

Don't worry about development, she won't be affected long term. In a year's time the world will have changed again and she'll have had a thousand new experiences to help her develop and grow. Think of the extra close bond she will have you, the security and safety of very familiar surroundings and people.

It's just extra hard for parents not able to socialise, get a change of scene and show their beautiful babies off to world.

Is this your field Carbuncle?

I'm still not sure if I agree. After all in the past before 'mum and baby groups' etc. were a thing, babies would just grow up within their family. There were interactions with mum and dad and other family members, there may have been older siblings. Meeting other babies may not have occurred. They all turned out fine.

If the child was over, say, 18 months I would be a bit more concerned but in the meantime I would think all will be fine. And there's currently good reason for not mixing of course.

in normal times, if a parent said to a health visitor that their baby had had no direct contact with another baby for the entire 8 months of their life, the hv would be concerned that the parent was depressed, or had debilitating anxiety or social problems.

I'm sorry but that's ridiculous. Not everyone knows other people with babies or has access to baby activities. This guilt-tripping of parents really needs to stop. Babies need their parents, they don't need other babies when they're that tiny.