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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Affording Uni

528 replies

bustybetty · 30/09/2020 08:26

My daughter (year 13) is considering uni. We are a normal family with no parental help (handouts) hubby is on 50K and my work is about 20K, we live in a modest house and have three teens as well. My question is I have just looked at the maintenance loan she would be entitled to and it doesn't even cover the cost of the accommodation - how do people afford this? We don't have spare money and I coupon where I can, we don't have phone contracts or gym memberships. I don't understand how most people afford to send their children to uni. Currently I'm thinking she will have to take a year out to work to be able to afford it.

ideas anyone?

OP posts:
Original poster
bustybetty · 30/09/2020 12:07

@Cocomarine yes it's six of us in a tent driving ot South of France... Typically that's what we would do. Hence cheap foreign... We usually pay less than most UK stays! And we don't eat out either!

OP posts:
RuthW · 30/09/2020 12:09

They have to get jobs. My dd supported herself entirely through uni. I could afford to pay her anything. My daughter came out with lots of savings.

clary · 30/09/2020 12:09

What do you spend your money on then op? Is that something you can cut?

Original poster
bustybetty · 30/09/2020 12:12

@stopyourhavering64 luckily the eldest didn't want to go so has managed to get himself an appprentiship just before lockdown (and got it thanks to having a drivers licence!). My younger two may also want to go. I guess I was just shocked as I though the loan would cover the accomodation with us having to provide food and her paying for entertainment. I was woefully wrong. Sometimes I think we would be better off as single parents for things like this. I think she'll have to rethink her uni career and take a year out as I can't do it for one and then not offer it to the others..

OP posts:
Mumisnotmyonlyname · 30/09/2020 12:14

Imagine having two there at once. We did. Its shockingly expensive.

AfolMummy · 30/09/2020 12:14

Living at home, getting a part time job, applying to unis within commuting distance. This is the norm in my area although admittedly we have many good universities within commuting distance (e.g. my journey was 90 mins each way).

felineflutter · 30/09/2020 12:15

We have to find £150 a week for accommodation and DS's maintenance loan covers food etc at just over £100 a week. We split it 3 ways I pay £50, DH the same, and a generous GF pays the other.

I also pay her phone, gym and bulk shopping every term for essentials.

kittykat35 · 30/09/2020 12:16

Sometimes I think we would be better off as single parents for things like this.

Ah yeah OP....be prepared to be flamed for that one!!

Cocomarine · 30/09/2020 12:17

[quote bustybetty]@stopyourhavering64 luckily the eldest didn't want to go so has managed to get himself an appprentiship just before lockdown (and got it thanks to having a drivers licence!). My younger two may also want to go. I guess I was just shocked as I though the loan would cover the accomodation with us having to provide food and her paying for entertainment. I was woefully wrong. Sometimes I think we would be better off as single parents for things like this. I think she'll have to rethink her uni career and take a year out as I can't do it for one and then not offer it to the others..[/quote]
Oh just give your head a wobble with your “better off as single parents” comment Hmm

Yeah, go on and be selective.

She could indeed get a full maintenance loan if she was assessed only on your income of £20K.

But if you were a single mum, would you and her father be paying £500 a month in mortgage/rent between you? (and that’s including the over payment you can afford)

Please - don’t embarrass yourself with claiming to have it easier financially as a single parent Hmm You don’t.

Cocomarine · 30/09/2020 12:18

@kittykat35

Sometimes I think we would be better off as single parents for things like this.

Ah yeah OP....be prepared to be flamed for that one!!

@kittykat35 thanks for introducing my comment below yours.

I think I was quite restrained though 🤣

AngeloMysterioso · 30/09/2020 12:18

Which college does she want to go to at Durham? Some halls are way more expensive than others... I know that shouldn’t really be a factor in the decision but sometimes you have to be pragmatic about these things!

Stopyourhavering64 · 30/09/2020 12:19

[quote bustybetty]@stopyourhavering64 luckily the eldest didn't want to go so has managed to get himself an appprentiship just before lockdown (and got it thanks to having a drivers licence!). My younger two may also want to go. I guess I was just shocked as I though the loan would cover the accomodation with us having to provide food and her paying for entertainment. I was woefully wrong. Sometimes I think we would be better off as single parents for things like this. I think she'll have to rethink her uni career and take a year out as I can't do it for one and then not offer it to the others..[/quote]
Accommodation costs do vary ...so also bear this in mind when applying to Uni ...they won't always get their first choice and you May end up paying for expensive unnecessary accommodation! I'm astounded at number of students who think flashy en suite studio flats are necessary!
my eldest and youngest both went to Scottish Uni and were in halls for first year (£5k) then in private flats at £300-350/ month ...neither of them can drive...eldest now works in China so has no need for car at present!
Middle daughter at Uni in Manchester..halls £6.5k in first year then flat for subsequent years £300/ month ...she had part time job throughout Uni to pay for her car
We've had to tighten our belt for last 9 years....looking forward to son's graduation next year although he's now planning on MSc

DoIneed1 · 30/09/2020 12:20

I am not sure that there will be the same opportunities for students to work during term time as there have been in the past for the next year at lesst.

My husband was also shocked when our first dd went to uni, Op, like you he had assumed that any money we gave here would be for extras, not to help pay her rent. You need to be very clear with your kids about how much you are willing to support them financially if they choose the uni route. Don't do it be stealth - ie trying to get them to do an apprenticeship - be upfront and let them make the decision.

kittykat35 · 30/09/2020 12:21

@Cocomarine anytime!! 🤣

CountFosco · 30/09/2020 12:23

You have a household income well above average. You are expected to contribute to your DDs expenses while at University, on your income up to £6000 a year. This is notanew policy and I'm amazed this isa surprise for you. When I went to Uni in the 80s I received no grant, my parents had to pay for all my living expenses (and my 3 siblings who also went to University).

thegreenlight · 30/09/2020 12:33

We’ve been thinking of moving from our small but perfectly livable house and doubling our mortgage for an extra bedroom - DSs are only 7 and 3 but think I’ve decided to stay put to help with uni fees! We are on 80k but mortgage is only £600. I honestly hadn’t thought of it before!

Pumpertrumper · 30/09/2020 12:34

I’m really surprised at all the people saying she should consider a student loan who maybe don’t understand that student loans don’t just give you whatever you ask for. They are means tested, the OP’s DD can’t borrow enough on a student loan to cover her accommodation costs, that’s the OP’s entire point!

OP I’m afraid with £70k a year income you have two options, find the money or make finding it your DD’s problem. I understand your situation DH and I earn a similar amount and also aren’t super well off after all the deductions. I think it’s pretty common for people earning £50-£100k to not be super well off dependent on area and deductions like student loan/ professional fees.

The issue I have is you obviously knew this day was coming and did have time to prepare/save. I think the way most middle earning parents afford this is to have saved small/often in advance. My DC isn’t even at school yet and we are saving for potential uni/ housing ladder costs. Just small amounts here and there when we can.

I kinda understand the whole ‘she should get a job’ thing but the job market will be horrific and she’s not really an adult yet, sort of but not really. I think any job she will get will be inevitably low paid and grim. I personally (probably unpopular opinion) think you need to find a good chunk of the money and her get a part time job. I would include her on your situation though and driving lessons can be sacrificed!

HostessTrolley · 30/09/2020 12:38

@doadeer

I don't really get this. It sounds like a high wage unless you are in London.

I went to uni 10 years ago in London. I got £6k loan, rent was £450 a month so my loan just basically paid for that and I worked about 20 hours a week in a shop. I had a really amazing time at uni, I worked hard, partied a lot... Just had to be efficient with my time. I got a first in history.

Maybe you have to cut back on some of the clubs so you can afford to contribute £300 a month or similar. If she can work full time the summer before that would also be a big help. Durham is small but lots of shops, restaurants etc in newcastle a 10 min train journey away.

This year in London my d is paying £170/week plus bills in a shared flat. It’s on the cheaper end of what her coursemates are paying but is a 52 week contract, so rent is £8,840. Her maintenance load is £5,800, so a £3k shortfall before you even start. Then there are bills, travel, food and other living costs. Her course has about 30 hours per week contact time plus study and reading on top, travel for placement etc. so a term time job would be hard to fit in if she could find one - she worked all through Alevels.
TheTeenageYears · 30/09/2020 12:39

It's ironic isn't it @bustybetty that an 18 year old school leaver if not going to uni is considered an adult in their own right and entitled to claim UC in their own right even if living at home with parents yet if they decide to go to uni parents income determines what they can borrow as a maintenance loan. The only way to uncouple the parents income from the equation is if the young person is estranged from parents.

There are clearly many people on here who have no understanding of the tuition loan & maintenance loan systems in place for uni these days. It's really hard for young people to find jobs right now and the pressure on them if parents really can't afford to top up whatever they can borrow as a maintenance loan to work in order to fund accommodation and basic living would be immense. I think the only realistic option is for students to stay local and live at home. It won't be the same experience but ultimately they will come out the other side with a degree and just like when they finish uni and would rather not move back home, living away from home is a luxury, not a necessity.

Given the current situation re jobs I would probably encourage a Y13 student to look at degree level apprenticeships. I've been looking recently as have a DC with a deferred place for next year currently kicking his heels as gap year plans have gone south and trying to find a job is really difficult.

Malin52 · 30/09/2020 12:39

@SnuggyBuggy

Am I naive in thinking that it was just normal for parents to plan for their kids university costs?
And what if their parents can't? They are 18 year olds. Adults. They work to get the money for it. Am I naive in that all my peer group all did the same? Can the current crop of new adults not cope without their parents bankrolling their life choices until they are 21?
VinylDetective · 30/09/2020 12:44

she’s not really an adult yet, sort of but not really

Of course she’s an adult. She’s old enough to leave home and move to another city. She’s also old enough to pay for her own driving lessons and some of her living costs. There are two ways of doing it - she can work part time during term time or full time during vacations. I did the latter and worked days in an office and evenings in a bar, that way my summers paid for the whole academic year.

Pemba · 30/09/2020 12:46

But that's what the government expects Malin, they expect parents to be helping. Hence the lower the parental salary, the bigger the loan available.

Legit · 30/09/2020 12:48

London is extremely expensive, so avoid it. My DC is in their first year at university and is paying £3500 per year for accommodation. Living somewhere where they don't need to commute. That's unusual, but possible.

Belladonna12 · 30/09/2020 12:52

And what if their parents can't?

If parents are on a low income then the student will get a full loan.

They are 18 year olds. Adults. They work to get the money for it.

Interesting that you think it too difficult for parents to contribute towards their children's education even though they have had 18 years to save and yet you seem to think it's so easy for 18-year-olds to earn enough money to support themselves while doing a full time degree.

Am I naive in that all my peer group all did the same? Can the current crop of new adults not cope without their parents bankrolling their life choices until they are 21?

Yes you are naïve to think that all your peer group supported themselves entirely by working through university. Most had a loan and grant (depending on your age) and/or received money from their parents. My parents paid all my maintenance in the 80s. DH received the full grant. We both worked to some extent but that was extra not for necessities.

janinlondon · 30/09/2020 12:55

Durham colleges all have the same charges
A standard single room with shared bathroom this year is £7894.