AIBU-I know I am but WWYD. Covid/work related

[BowtieBling]

One week into self isolation as member of household tested positive.
Boss wants me back in work.
I know I should've said no but I was chicken shit. I went in. He's said it's good that I'm back, asked if I'm well.
I am fine. Tested negative after slight temperature last week BUT I should not be in work. I should be isolated for 14 days from onset of symptoms.

So now what?
I'm feeling like such an idiot for not standing up to him. I've gone against the rules and potentially put others at risk.
The only saving grace is that I work in a room alone and haven't left that space.
The boss came in though and has then presumably mixed with everyone else.

I don't know what to do tomorrow.
Can I refuse to go in? Is it too for me to pull it back now or have I already burst that bubble by agreeing to go in?

Don't beat yourself up OP! You know you did the wrong thing under pressure, and are now rectifying it.

I posted to say people going into workplaces etc, knowing they shouldn't, after one of their household has tested positive, are being selfish and irresponsible. I stand by that and believe me I am not naive, I know exactly what it's like as DH lost his job at the beginning of April and has spent (some of) the last six months working for agencies, doing anything, in insecure minimum wage jobs - some say they will pay you weekly and come Friday there is no money, some promise you six weeks work and call you on the third day and say there's no more work, some ask you to complete a training course at £200 for a "guaranteed job" and sometimes there are just no jobs. DH spent seven weeks out of work at different times, housing benefit of course can't deal with all the short term work he did and haven't paid yet (DH would honestly take any job anywhere to get wages, I'm including cleaning and care, anything, god knows it's an employers market).

And still if one of us in the house tested positive (or even had symptoms) there is no fucking way he would be going into work, even knowing he would get sacked off (and he would) and probably not paid for the days he's done .

So I'm not fucking naive, I know what it's like having no money in the bank at the end of the week when you've been relying on it, and I know what it's like not to be able to pay your rent and want to get shopping for your children. So I understand the feeling of needing, not wanting, to go into work.

But then DH has a really sick wife who has already been seriously ill this year and who was told to stay in for months and get an advance care plan and hospital bag ready like lots of other people, who have lung disease or cancer or waiting for a transplant etc etc. So he would make the choice to risk his job rather than his wife. If you don't live with someone like that you may make different choices, but unfortunately the people you come into contact with aren't making that choice and may have extremely vulnerable in their house too. You're the one putting them at risk by going in and I do see it as selfish, even though I completely get the feelings behind doing it.

This isn't aimed personally just at you OP, there are so many people doing it and it's not excusable. I suppose it's really aimed at the person at my DD's work who knowingly infected others and the irony is that the fucking boss very much regrets it...

If we go back into lockdown it will be the fault of people like you you and only you are responsible for the fact you went into work and have probably infected a dozen or so people into the bargain. Well done.

No, it will be because of employers like the OP’s who are putting pressure on employees to go to work. It will be because the government isn’t strong enough with support for employees who face a difficult choice whether to risk their job/income, when deciding what to do. Some people can’t just say “it’s the rules” without facing poor consequences. If staying home two weeks means you can’t feed your kids or pay your mortgage, what would you do?

Just in case it's any help to anyone in the same boat as us, some people on low incomes are eligible for a £500 payment, if they're told to self isolate. Of course with typical total fucking incompetence as usual, it's not even set up to pay you yet, but if you met the criteria - you can feed your DC from the 12th October if you're patient So that's a nice example of people who have no fucking idea what real life is like...

www.gov.uk/government/news/new-legal-duty-to-self-isolate-comes-into-force-today

"Local authorities will be working quickly to set up Test and Trace Support Payment schemes and we expect them to be in place by 12 October. Those who are told to self-isolate from today will receive backdated payments, if they are eligible, once the scheme is set up in their local authority."

It seems odd that the OP is more angry with posters on here than she is with her boss or indeed herself.
Well done for having the nerve to do what's right today. I wonder if everyone came on and said "you do what's best for your family hun" or some such whether that would have given the OP the strength to say no. Sometimes realising others view your action very negatively can help gird your loins so to speak.

And those people with no fucking clue are strategically passing the buck to "local authorities" even here. Blaming others, and encouraging everyone to blame others too, is something this government is absolutely outstanding at.

@Slightlybrwnbanana (love the username) no I totally agree with her self isolating. I was merely replying to @JKRowlingIsMyQueen who’s friend had a test but doesn’t have to self isolate. If you were in close enough contact to have a test, you should have to self isolate.

[quote BowtieBling]@doodleygirl people do this though.
They take the moral high ground and berate others for stuff as though they are infallible.

I get that people find me going into work abhorrent. I really didn't want to but felt under such pressure.
It's fine for others to slate me.
They probably feel really happy with themselves for giving someone who is wracked with guilt, stressed out and worried about losing their job shit.
Whatever.
I came on asking for advice and am grateful for the advice I've been given.
Those slating me are free to do so.
I knew there would be a section of people having a go.
Been on Mumsnet for years, there are always people without comprehension of how difficult things could be for someone else who post on threads like this with no advice and simply state that OP is out of order.
Thank you for the support[/quote]
...
You are in a really tough position with your bullying arsehole of a boss

You have done well to have the courage to tell him you are isolating now 💐

So easy for MNers in a privileged position with savings, HR departments etc
Some people face losing their job, not getting another for months, unable to pay essential bills like housing

In rl, many people wouldn't take the probable risk of destroying their financial future vs the small risk to unknown strangers
It's mostly very privileged people who slate you because they are nowhere near as vulnerable financially / job-wise

This is awful for you, hope he doesn't give you any shit when you are back. Good idea to put in writing - even not responding to your email to dispute the discussion makes him look bad. I wouldn't have been as brave as you.

Hopefully, the new law and penalties will make that arsehole bully stop pressuring you

@BowtieBling

One week into self isolation as member of household tested positive. Boss wants me back in work. I know I should've said no but I was chicken shit. I went in. He's said it's good that I'm back, asked if I'm well. I am fine. Tested negative after slight temperature last week BUT I should not be in work. I should be isolated for 14 days from onset of symptoms.

So now what?
I'm feeling like such an idiot for not standing up to him. I've gone against the rules and potentially put others at risk.
The only saving grace is that I work in a room alone and haven't left that space.
The boss came in though and has then presumably mixed with everyone else.

I don't know what to do tomorrow.
Can I refuse to go in? Is it too for me to pull it back now or have I already burst that bubble by agreeing to go in?

I'm sorry you had to go through this and that your boss is an arsehole. Some workplaces are absolutely ridiculous about letting people have time off. Standing up to bosses is easier said than done, I know. I'm sorry I can't suggest anything - are you in a union? Have you spoken to HR?

I'm not more angry at posters on here @Slightlybrwnbanana I fully expected it.
I am annoyed at myself and if I could rewind time I would have emailed him to say I wasn't going in and ignored his calls (as I have now done) in the first place.
I fucked up.
Totally accept that.
No way I should have caved.

I'm more angry at him than other posters or myself.
He knows exactly what he's doing.
That's why he does everything on the phone.

Anyway.
The email was sent.
He's finally stopped calling my phone but hasn't responded to my text or email.
Perhaps I will lose my job. He will most certainly make life difficult when I go back, especially if he doesn't reply to me and I need to contact head office for direction.

Some posters on here are unbelievable.
YANBU it's boss who is.
Union or ACAS for some advice.

Spot on, @Itsabeautifuldayheyhey - it really is that simple.

Good luck, OP, and we’ll done for ‘fessing up and putting it in writing

It's now illegal not to isolate when required and you personally get the hefty fine. So tell him you're following the law and he doesn't get to tell you to break it.

@BowtieBling

I'm not more angry at posters on here *@Slightlybrwnbanana* I fully expected it. I am annoyed at myself and if I could rewind time I would have emailed him to say I wasn't going in and ignored his calls (as I have now done) in the first place. I fucked up. Totally accept that. No way I should have caved.

I'm more angry at him than other posters or myself.
He knows exactly what he's doing.
That's why he does everything on the phone.

Anyway.
The email was sent.
He's finally stopped calling my phone but hasn't responded to my text or email.
Perhaps I will lose my job. He will most certainly make life difficult when I go back, especially if he doesn't reply to me and I need to contact head office for direction.

Good luck.

Large fines have been brought in for employers who try to get employees to work when they have been told to self-isolate

Because of this, I think you should report his request up the line, OP. His behaviour is putting the company at risk of a big fine. If I was his manager, I'd want to know this.

@Fallpoetry

Think people are being a bit harsh on OP when really it's the boss who is in the wrong here. Not everyone is in a position to say no to their employer, even when the law is on their side.

Agree. OP has posted about a serious issue but advice does not need to be nasty or abusive. OP, you are in a difficult position in that addressing this with your boss will invite more confrontation but unfortunately as unpleasant as that may be, & it very much sounds like he isn't the most reasonable, you must stay at home. If you have access to email I would suggest writing him an email now addressing the situation thus far, your current circumstance and actions you will be taking going forward in line with the guidelines. I'd also suggest how you can make it work from you being at home and what measures you can propose to alleviate his concerns about you being able to do that ( for example sending a returns sheet at the end of the working day etc ). You will probably find that a professional and problem solving approach like this will go down quite well. At the end of the day he's your boss and is obviously concerned about work getting done, as long as you're reassuring him on this front he should be ok. Good luck and well done for recognising that the situation isn't being managed properly x

Oops just read the thread saw that this has been addressed!

That's great you stood firm. I think you should stop blocking his calls though as he's entitled to want you to do work from home (if that's possible) when isolating so you don't want him to be able to claim you refused to work. Hope he has wised up.

Update.
He emailed back to confirm that the earliest day I can return to work is at the end of the 14 day period. No mention of fact that I was told to come in earlier, in fact it sort of sounds like he is responding to me as if I'd requested to come back in early.

I think he knows that I don't respect him and think he's proper dodgy. I've stood up to him previously and am now paranoid that he was maybe trying to make it seem as though I was breaking the rules in order to have reason to get rid of me

I contacted head office and spoke to HR about the situation.
They have said that as he has clearly realised that it was wrong of me to go in early, the fact that he 'sent me home' and asked me not to return until end of 14 days shows that he has a handle on things so is all good.

He is a bullet proof arsehole.

You won this battle op well done. He does sound like an arsehole