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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU-I know I am but WWYD. Covid/work related

97 replies

BowtieBling · 30/09/2020 00:54

One week into self isolation as member of household tested positive.
Boss wants me back in work.
I know I should've said no but I was chicken shit. I went in. He's said it's good that I'm back, asked if I'm well.
I am fine. Tested negative after slight temperature last week BUT I should not be in work. I should be isolated for 14 days from onset of symptoms.

So now what?
I'm feeling like such an idiot for not standing up to him. I've gone against the rules and potentially put others at risk.
The only saving grace is that I work in a room alone and haven't left that space.
The boss came in though and has then presumably mixed with everyone else.

I don't know what to do tomorrow.
Can I refuse to go in? Is it too for me to pull it back now or have I already burst that bubble by agreeing to go in?

OP posts:
Raisingawolfpack · 30/09/2020 06:40

I don't think anyone said it was reasonable as we all know it's against the rules and risks others catching it. However what is done is done, and finding a way to help the OP to address this with her Boss without negative repercussions is most helpful.

I think you missed the point that it was pressure from work why she returned, and it may have been fear of loosing her job that added to that.

What ever happened to being kind given these really challenging times. We are all having to make difficult decisions, and clearly the OP felt uncomfortable with her's yesterday, so now is the time to address it.

If her work were following the ppe and distancing rules any spread should be low risk, though nothing is without risk, and clearly the rules of self isolating are there for everyones best interest and protection.

Aridane · 30/09/2020 06:42

I don't think anyone said it was reasonable

22% did

AIBU-I know I am but WWYD. Covid/work related
Aridane · 30/09/2020 06:43

What ever happened to being kind given these really challenging times

Whatever happened to not further spreading a virus during pandemic and complying with the law?

clairedelalune · 30/09/2020 06:47

Isn't it law, with a fine if you don't isolate at home?

StealthPolarBear · 30/09/2020 06:47

It's definitely not too late to pull back. You've looked into the rules and you now understand them, is how you present it to your boss.
Did everyone stay 2m away at all times?

Missc2001 · 30/09/2020 06:53

@JKRowlingIsMyQueen my daughter has to self isolate 14 days after she came into contact with a person that tested positive (asymptomatic) even though she had a negtive test?

MagnoliaXYZ · 30/09/2020 06:55

Don't go back in until the end if your 14 day isolation period.

Slightlybrwnbanana · 30/09/2020 06:55

I don't think it's clear what you're voting for - that she was U to go or that she was U to refuse today. Hence the 22%

Slightlybrwnbanana · 30/09/2020 06:56

Missc - yes, of course. As it can take 14 days for the symptoms to begin/a test to turn positive.
I assume this was a close contact not someone waving from the other side of a football pitch.

Gizlotsmum · 30/09/2020 06:59

You absolutely should not have gone in but I can understand buckling under pressure from your boss. I wouldn't go today (say you felt pressured but don't want to risk either of you getting a fine) How long have you been employed? It is very easy for me to say you don't go in but I have a supportive employer, I can work from home and don't lose money. Not everyone is that lucky. My DH would be under pressure to return...

devildeepbluesea · 30/09/2020 07:00

Cannot believe the hard time OP is getting for not wanting to lose her job. Are you all SAHM with high earning husbands, or just being deliberately obtuse?

Whilst of course she should not go in, her boss is basically asking her to break the law or get the sack. And yes, he could be fined. But in order for him to get a fine, she would need to do him in. Which would, needless to say, result in the sack for OP.

Oh, I know that a tribunal would in all likelihood find in her favour. But in order for that to happen she would need to actually take him to tribunal.

Have a bit of fellow feeling guys.

nosswith · 30/09/2020 07:13

Yes the vote is confusing.

What is not is that you should not go in today.

WhoseThatGirl · 30/09/2020 07:17

Don’t go it. Your boss is an idiot but to be frank so are you. I’m dreading another lockdown because of this shit.

Original poster
BowtieBling · 30/09/2020 07:18

I didn't mean to enable voting.
I already know AIBU and by going in I acted irresponsibly.

I'm not going to try and defend going in, it was a bloody stupid move.y Boss is an absolute arsehole. He constantly does whatever the hell he wants and cold shoulders those who go against him and increases their workload.
I can work from home but isn't much I can do as my main role is something that cannot be done from home.

As I said in OP I was in my own room so yes I was more than 2m away from everyone with the exception of him, when he can into room he stayed near to the door but non of this is the point.
When he requested me to come in he waffled for half an hour saying why it was safe for me to return.
He poo pooed all my objections.
I felt under immense pressure.

I know I should've stood up to him but years of him doing stuff he shouldn't and getting away with it (he's been investigated previously but people shit themselves and covered for him) I personally went above his head last year and reported something but was told I couldn't remain anonymous.
I didn't want to risk my reputation and not be able to get another job (I've seen this happen to others)

Anyway.
I emailed him last night as he does everything he shouldn't be doing verbally. He's very careful not to put things in writing.
I won't be going back in and am hoping he will respond to the email to confirm that I shouldn't be there. Sure he will plead ignorance.

Has anyone any constructive advice as to how I can do the right thing without losing my job?

OP posts:
WhoseThatGirl · 30/09/2020 07:25

You could say you have develop symptoms, headache or fatigue? Surely that will make him thick twice.

nannybeach · 30/09/2020 07:30

You should have obeyed the laws, (I do now what it's like to have a boss like this, mine went MUCH further, actually blackmailed me, that's another story) You say you work alone and stayed 2 mtr from everyone, how did you get to work? I also have colleagues, and friend's Husband seriously ill, (not old or underlying health issues) in hospital 6 months now.A lot of medics now have Long Covid, a lot in their 30's, not old, or "dying anyway"

Ubercornsfunkytop3 · 30/09/2020 07:30

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Cheesess · 30/09/2020 07:34

Oh my god just because you test negative at one moment in time does not mean it’s going to stay that way. There’s an incubation period. Why can’t people wrap their head around that?? @JKRowlingIsMyQueen

StealthPolarBear · 30/09/2020 07:35

I think the op gets it now, lay off her

Porcupineinwaiting · 30/09/2020 07:38

Honestly OP if he's not the big boss, just go above him. Or do what you have done, put everything in writing and copy in hr, or keep a copy. No employer is officially going to admit ordering an employee who should be self isolating into work - it's illegal and their liability would be huge.

GarlicMonkey · 30/09/2020 07:39

I wouldn't be 'telling' my boss anything if I relied on the money from my job. I know two people who have been laid off work after self isolating. The reasons given weren't time off for isolation but people aren't stupid, it's not hard to put 2 & 2 together. If the government wants this to work they need to put some legislation through with hefty fines for employers sending out clear unspoken messages that time off for covid won't be tolerated.

ImSleepingBeauty · 30/09/2020 07:42

Have read and understood the update but this still makes me so, so angry.

Has anyone any constructive advice as to how I can do the right thing without losing my job
In your shoes I would put in writing that you acknowledge his reassurances but having checked the guidelines yourself you now realise you can’t come in. Insert the guidelines. I would not admit to making a mistake. I would not admit to knowing I shouldn’t have. You were following his instructions.
I would stand firm on not returning to work until the end of the suitable time period. If he calls you and puts pressure on to return tell him you can’t and if he pushes further ask for time to seek legal advice. Follow up the details of the conversations from now on in writing and if he doesn’t back off go above him/make HR aware.

ImSleepingBeauty · 30/09/2020 07:44

@WhoseThatGirl

You could say you have develop symptoms, headache or fatigue? Surely that will make him thick twice.
Don’t lie. It’s time to do the right thing.
ImSleepingBeauty · 30/09/2020 07:47

www.gov.uk/government/publications/further-businesses-and-premises-to-close/closing-certain-businesses-and-venues-in-england

“Employers must not knowingly require or encourage someone who is being required to self-isolate to come to work”

Aridane · 30/09/2020 07:48

Has anyone any constructive advice as to how I can do the right thing without losing my job?

If they want to fire you, they can do so for not self isolating

I would just loop in boss’s boss (and HR, of you have one)